The spouse is constantly angry, and often even for no reason, starts up because of every little thing, is rude, as a result of which life together becomes more and more unbearable every day. And yet, despite this, you still live together, because you love him and do not want to part with him. But it is no longer possible to live with constant scandals and quarrels. How to prevent a quarrel or reduce it to nothing?

To live life is not a field to cross. This phrase can be transferred to family relationships. It is no secret that in life there are simply no families in which there would never be quarrels between spouses. It's unpleasant, but true. Moreover, this phenomenon is inevitable. Only some couples after a quarrel may not talk for a long time, while for others this phenomenon results in a grandiose scandal with breaking dishes. By the way, quarrels tend to arise from scratch (because of garbage not taken out, a dirty plate, dirty socks scattered around the apartment, or just ordinary fatigue, jealousy, etc.). Regardless of the cause, conflicts appear all the time, as a result of which people regularly and diligently swear, and then deeply regret it. Why is this still happening? And what to do in this case?

Reasons for quarrels.
In our dreams of married life, we envision it as a lifelong passionate and romantic relationship. But in fact, life makes its own adjustments. Over time, romance evaporates from the relationship of people who once passionately loved each other, giving way to endless everyday problems that put pressure on the nerves so much. And at one fine moment, a couple may quarrel over any trifle so that they will consider divorce the only way out of this situation.

Constant quarrels and showdowns with her husband have a depressing effect on the body, cause depression and insomnia, reducing efficiency and quality of life. And the reason for this is the inability or unwillingness to concede or compromise each other. We respond to aggression with aggression, anger, shouting, swearing - everything is used to prove our innocence. After everything subsides, often most couples cannot even remember the reason for the raging scandal, regretting and lamenting their inability to keep their own emotions under control.

Very often, the reason for aggressive behavior on the part of one of the spouses lies in his past. Namely, if such behavior was the norm in the relationship of his parents, then one should not be surprised that a person will behave in exactly the same way. He simply does not have an example of other behavior, without screams, noise and scandals. He was not taught this. Another common cause of aggression on the part of one of the spouses in a relationship is low self-esteem, when the other tries to assert itself at the expense of one.

Some factors, such as normal stress, illness, constant fatigue or physical discomfort, can provoke an outburst of rage even in a very calm person. I won’t go far, for example, everyone is familiar with the state of weakness after a hard day’s work, especially in the summer heat, when my head hurts terribly and my whole body aches. At such moments, it is quite difficult to stay in a benevolent frame of mind.

It also happens that aggressive behavior occurs on the way to the realization of what was conceived, when the other half creates obstacles to this. For example, he is very tired and wants to go to bed early, and you want to go to a club or a movie and you drag him along with you. It is not difficult to guess that in most cases this situation ends in a strong quarrel.

Very often, the spouse takes out on the second half the insults that were caused to him by someone else. For example, he received a “good” scolding from the boss, someone took the usual parking place of his car in the parking lot, got rude in the store, etc. As a result, for all this, he takes out his anger on his beloved woman, who fell under a hot hand. And in retaliation, she simply answers him the same. It is because of such trifling moments that families most often break up.

How to avoid a quarrel?
Of course, there are plenty of reasons to be angry. But each person has his own reaction to this, and most often relatives and friends suffer. What then to do? How to deal with often unreasonable aggression and outbursts of rage without taking out anger on loved ones?

It should be noted that even if the spouses have been living together for more than a dozen years, they still remain different people. It is impossible to do all your life the way your soulmate wants. And that's okay. In this case, conflicts in the family are inevitable, but they can occur very rarely or take place in a milder form.

Remember, never, even with a very strong desire to prove your case, do not swear with your spouse in the presence of relatives, friends, or just in front of strangers. Inevitably, in your conflict, they will have to take sides. And it’s not a fact that it’s yours, especially if they are relatives and friends from the husband’s side. This will only serve to inflame passions. In addition, you will put your friends in an uncomfortable position with this. In this case, it is better to calm down and postpone the conversation until a more convenient moment. In a calm state, having rethought everything, the cause of the conflict will look from a different angle.

If a quarrel cannot be avoided, in no case should one use insults and humiliate her husband, because male pride is oh so vulnerable! Such behavior can move the faithful in search of one who will appreciate and respect him. And he can always find one, no doubt!

To prevent a quarrel over a trifle, it is important to discuss each sensitive issue with him in a timely manner, without being afraid to lay out everything that worries you. But it is also necessary to “spread out” wisely, having prepared in advance and clearly formulated everything that you intend to tell him. Only then can a sincere conversation be started.

Before you pour accusations against your faithful, think about whether the spouse is really to blame? Maybe his act is not worth a damn, maybe it can be safely endured and forgotten? Very often, because of any trifle, we, women, strongly wind ourselves up, and then, in a rage, splash out everything that has accumulated on a man. Therefore, before talking, it is better to wait a few hours. Maybe, having calmed down, you will understand that the reason is not worth it to quarrel with your loved one.

If a spouse usually starts a scandal, try to talk to him frankly, heart to heart, to find out the reason for his such behavior. Perhaps this is what he expects from you. If you do not dare to have such a conversation, it is likely that he will find someone with whom he will be frank. And then he goes to her. Forever.

Sometimes the reason for nagging and temper of a husband can be something specific. By watching him, you can find out and fix it. Well, if literally everything annoys your husband, then maybe you should live apart for a while. Sometimes it helps, between the spouses, who have rested from each other, relations are being established again.

In general, in order for quarrels to arise in family life as rarely as possible, it is important to immediately arrange family life and build communication with your loved one in such a way that any unpleasant mistake of each other seemed like a trifle and could be calmly experienced. You can do some sport together. This will not only relieve unnecessary tension, but will also benefit your own self-esteem and your relationship. After all, nothing brings people together like a good time.

The woman herself plays an important role in the frequency of family quarrels. Appreciate yourself and do not allow yourself to be humiliated or raise your voice for no reason. Maybe your confidence and ignoring his furious attacks will weaken the negativity splashed out on you. However, negative emotions should not be addressed to him, and mocking notes should not slip in the tone of his voice. Try to praise your spouse more often, but for the cause, appreciating his merits. Existing shortcomings try to accept indulgently.

If nevertheless a quarrel happened, learn to put up correctly.

Reconciliation after a scandal with her husband.
Before you make any attempts to improve relations with your husband, you should wait a bit to give him the opportunity to calm down and cool down herself. It is necessary to comprehend everything, understand what happened, and only then act. To start reconciliation first for many women, especially if husbands are not right in a conflict situation, is something transcendent, not worthy. However, there is nothing shameful in taking the first step towards reconciliation. And if you became the initiator of the conflict, this must be done without fail!

If the other half is not yet set up to enter into a dialogue with you, in this case you should not put pressure. You should give him a little more time, let him cool his ardor. If, as you think, he is pouting at you for too long, you can write him a letter, setting out on paper everything that is difficult to say in person, looking eye to eye. And when, nevertheless, the moment of personal communication comes, you can let in not only gentle words, but also gentle touches, strokes and kisses. This will perfectly defuse the situation, relieve the tension that inevitably arises at the beginning of a conversation.

If the missus is still silent for several days, more original methods should be used, for example, to prepare a surprise. Just do not need in this case to use sexy lingerie or erotic games. Winning a good relationship with a husband through sex is not a good idea. A man may take this as an insult, because this is an open hint that the animal instinct in a strong half of humanity dominates everything else. Yes, and it looks, to put it mildly, vulgar. In this case, a man, if he is led by your seductive behavior, after sex, irritation will return to him again. And it will start all over again.

A romantic dinner for two can be a great surprise. It doesn’t matter at home or in a restaurant, you can whisper words of love into his ear to quiet music, say how sorry you are about what happened, that you want to forget all this as soon as possible. Finding the right words at such a moment will not be difficult. In such an environment, hardly any man can resist.

In general, it’s worth talking more with your soulmate, in a calm and interested tone, to find out what worries him, talk about your love, which needs to be protected, and not destroyed by daily quarrels about an unwashed plate or not taken out garbage.

A scandal in the family is not only stories from the yellow press about the life of celebrities or very important people, but also a routine for ordinary families: lack of money, inappropriate behavior or attitude of a partner, suspicions of betrayal ... There are many reasons for conflict, but it is better to build relationships without them …

How to prevent family scandals

They say that in pre-Orthodox times, long before house building, every family had a tradition of “love” on Saturdays. It's not something you might think about. It was just that the two halves of the family told what they were not satisfied with, irritated or disliked in the partner's behavior and attitude, while carefully listening to each other. Perhaps there was no such tradition, but it can be introduced in order to avoid scandals in the family. We just say everything that does not suit you, do not be shy about it: an adequate husband or wife will understand and try to fix it.

We also try not to provoke your soulmate with stupid phrases from the series “I told you a thousand times”, “How can you not understand”, “You are the same as your mother”, “But you yourself ...” and much more from the repertoire of your parents. Unfortunately, mom and dad may be wrong, but you can live differently.

Together is better. Joint actions are simply necessary in the family, and this is not watching TV in the evening. Let you have common hobbies, whether it be art or sports, raising children, etc. It is important here not to criticize the spouse's mistakes excessively.

If something in the family does not work out, there is no need to reduce the exactingness either to yourself or to your soul mate. There is nothing more humiliating for a husband, and a woman should be of such a high level that her husband was drawn to her. Grow together, communicate with a variety of people, spend holidays together, read and attend interesting events.

What else will help prevent scandals in the family. Just learn to look at people positively and never offend your spouse behind the back, for example, by talking about how bad he (she) is to friends.

When family scandals threaten your health?

Any conflict can be resolved. Here the ability to listen to each other, and the wisdom of the wife, and the help of a psychologist will come in handy. But sometimes it will be easier to end the relationship than to treat the psyche, soul, and body later.

It is better to end the relationship if the spouse is not only maniacally jealous or envious, but also an energy vampire. Provoking a scandal, they expect an outburst of anger, despair and indignation from you, and then, fed up with energy, they go to work or chat with friends as if nothing had happened, leaving you in a dilapidated state.

If after quarrels you feel lethargic, lose your efficiency, it means that during a scandal all your energy is taken away. However, even here there is a way out, allowing not to break off relations. Here it is important not to succumb to his provocations, not to let the vampire hook you: agree and smile. If you stop getting out of balance, then you will no longer be provoked into a scandal.

How to stop scandals in the family

1. Do not take your spouse as an enemy. He is not only guilty of discord in the family, and as long as you consider that your wife or husband is your enemy, who needs to be crushed. You cannot resolve conflicts together.
2. Try to reduce meaningless talk and reproaches to actions. Ask how it is right to react to bad deeds addressed to you, what can be thought up so that this negative reaction does not occur, etc.
3. Take a break. If there is no strength to be silent, just go for a walk, to the bath, to the room. But what you can’t do is defiantly go to a laptop or read a magazine. This is even more annoying.
4. Read sign language. If the spouse closed, crossing his legs and arms, then now is not the time to resolve conflicts. At the same time, if the fingers of the spouse look up, he feels his own superiority and will give you a rebuff. If the fingers are not visible or the thumbs are hidden, the spouse feels uncomfortable and is not ready to resolve the conflict at all. Watch your own body language as well. Do not lower your arms along the body and do not give signals that you may become a victim.
5. Do not get personal and do not deviate from the topic. If the quarrel revolved around a wardrobe that had been broken for a year, there is no need to remember that that week the husband came drunk in the middle of the night.
6. Be sure to make compromises and concessions. And this also applies to men. In small things, everything can be at the request of a half, and in serious moments, do not shout over your husband or wife.
7. Change tactics or topic. If the fact that the closet has been broken for a whole year is annoying, thank your loved one for sitting “for mom” with the baby on Friday.
8. Always be ready to hear and listen. This does not mean that you need to be phlegmatically silent while he says something. If you ask again or agree, then you also want to peacefully resolve this conflict. At the same time, you should not be an "examiner", that is, listen carefully and try to catch your soul mate in a lie or something unacceptable to you. The behavior of the “examiner” will infuriate even more.
9. There is no need to consider yourself a victim, and your partner as an evil aggressor. On your conscience, too, there are probably a lot of misconduct that can ruin the happiest family life.
10. To stop scandals forever, you need to work for a long time both with the causes and on your own. But you can try and here's how. Keep a diary of conflicts: how many, because of what. Together, figure out if it helps to solve real problems. And then you can punish the one who started the scandal. If the disassembly is devoted to the topic “Who is in charge here”, try to yield in turn.

How to behave after a scandal?

Reconciliation is unlikely to happen right away. A woman needs to forgive her husband, but not go into intimacy with him (including spiritual). We just silently take care of the household and the child, and if the husband begins to lack tenderness, just say that she was very unpleasant when he treated her badly or unfairly.

It is important here to say what you felt, and not what he, so bad, did. Do not insult him, but talk about your feelings. If he asks to make love, you can refuse and say that you are not ready.

The husband, if he is offended, should also not continue to sort things out, especially in public, or defiantly leave. It is simply important to ask for forgiveness from the bottom of your heart and try to understand how exactly you offended your half.

It is imperative to talk after the conflict. No need to shout and beat the dishes, to generalize. We just talk quietly and calmly, sharing everything that we don’t like in the relationship and behavior of the spouse. The result of the conversation should be some kind of agreement, under which both the husband and wife must make certain concessions. Both of you are guilty, so you need to answer together.

What should not be done is to humiliate yourself and beg for forgiveness on your knees, promising holidays on all the islands at once and daily dinners in the best restaurants. Don't take all the blame (and this goes for both husbands and wives). So you only give rise to further humiliation. No need to "hang out" on this story and remember it all the time.

It is not necessary to be stubborn. It is difficult for men to say "I'm sorry", even if the repentance is sincere. Go forward, don't give ultimatums. Be gentle. All of the above applies to men as well.

At the end of the conflict draw conclusions. And even if you didn’t quite understand what your wife or husband demanded of you, then at least admit it to yourself.

When the conflict is over, you can arrange a romantic date (even within your room), arrange a surprise for your beloved (beloved): the war is over and family life can be started from the very beginning.

Scandal in the family: good or evil?

No matter how the mood deteriorates after conflicts, it is important to remember that a family scandal is not an apocalypse, but a part of life. In addition, if your couple has two leaders, there will always be a showdown. In fact, this is better than silence and silence: it is not known what latent discontent will eventually grow into. And yet, life without scandals is more pleasant, and energy vampires can benefit from them. Therefore, always listen to each other and let your loved one talk. Learning to understand a loved one is easier than making a fuss and insulting.

In many families, conflicts become too frequent. To achieve harmony in relationships with your loved ones, use effective conspiracies from quarrels and scandals.

When your loved ones quarrel, the atmosphere in the house becomes tense. Constant conflicts and lack of understanding are very common problems in many families. Some people in this case turn to family psychologists for help, but is this method always effective? Our ancestors did not have the opportunity to turn to psychologists and coped with such difficulties with the help of proven rituals. The site site team invites you to use effective conspiracies that will help harmonize the energy at home and improve relations between family members.

Energy causes of quarrels and conflicts in the family

Before proceeding with rituals from quarrels and scandals, you should understand the reason for their occurrence. If your loved ones constantly come home in a bad mood, and an attempt to talk with them ends in a conflict, then there is reason to worry about the energy state of the household. There are several energetic reasons due to which family discord occurs.

Bad aura at home. The energy background of your home affects the physical and mental state of your loved ones. Sometimes it is because of a bad aura that quarrels occur between households. The reasons for the emergence of negativity can be different: for example, the aura worsens if a seriously ill person has been in the house for a long time or a tragedy has occurred in your home earlier. To neutralize unhealthy energy, get rid of old things, make repairs and burn incense every evening. Create comfort around you, and then relations between your relatives will improve.

Damage or evil eye. Unfortunately, we are not protected from the negative influence of envious people. Some of them not only cannot be happy for others, but will do everything to disturb the harmony in someone else's house. If objects unfamiliar to you suddenly began to appear in the house, and your loved ones began to get sick often, it means that your family has become a victim of a negative program. You can remove damage or the evil eye yourself at home.

energy conflict. The incompatibility of your biofield and the biofield of another person can cause a conflict at the energy level. To solve it, try to get close to the person with whom you have quarrels most often. If these are your parents, be more affectionate and frank with them. Try to treat children with understanding, do not scold them because of trifles. Show consideration and concern for other family members. Destroying the energy barrier is not difficult, just be more open towards your loved ones.

Conspiracy from quarrels in the family

Very often, big scandals begin with small quarrels. If there are disagreements and misunderstandings between your loved ones, use conspiracies that will help you rectify the situation.

Get a white rose with wide petals from the store, then cut them off and hide them away from prying eyes. At the moment when your loved ones begin to quarrel, open the window and throw the petals with the words:

“Wind-wind, I don’t want to disturb you, but I ask: take quarrels out of my house, calm down my loved ones. Do not blow love and peace out of our house.

Immediately after pronouncing the conspiracy, the quarrel should stop, and your loved ones will calm down. Say it every time there is a conflict between households, and soon love and harmony will reign in your house.

Conspiracy from family scandals

Scandals in the family can destroy not only relationships between family members, but also the energy background of your home. To build relationships with loved ones, use an effective conspiracy.

You need to buy a package of refined sugar. In the morning, immediately after waking up, take one piece and say:

“I want my family to live in friendship. So that there are fewer scandals in our house, and more love and understanding. Taste my sugar, forget about all the insults.

Crush the charmed sugar and sprinkle it on other pieces that must first be put in a common sugar bowl. Soon, your loved ones will quarrel much less often, and over time, the scandals in your house will stop altogether.

Some representatives of the zodiac circle simply cannot live without conflicts, and it is advisable to contact them as little as possible. Astrologers have compiled a horoscope that will help calculate the most scandalous zodiac sign. May love and peace reign in your home,and don't forget to press the buttons and

If Love has not died out, it copes with trials, it happens that it even ignites, like a flame from that very spark. Love leaves - irritation comes, but it is not able to fight with problems, but can only accumulate them and chill out the “weather in the house”.

I will give a list of “misfortunes” due to which “earthquakes” and “volcanic eruptions” occur in relationships:

Incorrect distribution of roles in the family.

- Wrong attitude of one of the partners to another.

- Differences in outlook on life.

- Sexual crises, disappointments in a partner.

- Intervention of the parents of one or both spouses in the affairs of "children".

- Addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling, chronic infidelity).

- Diseases (mental, incurable physical, mental). The need for all family members to adapt to a bed patient or a character who drank TV yesterday.

- The struggle for power and supremacy in the family.

- Communication problems in general (distrust, fear, lack of intimacy and frankness).

A couple meets, “grinding” begins, each shows his “presentation video”, tells who he is, what he likes and what he doesn’t like. Declares his needs and hopes, asks questions, important and not very important.

Have you ever heard a person entering into a romantic relationship say: “Over time, these disgusting traits will develop in me, I will start to get fat, gradually become drunk and beat you fiercely?” No! Nobody ever! The desire to please in the initial period is supported in all situations. This is the period - the triumph of the peacock!

At the beginning of a relationship, unwanted manifestations in the behavior of a loved one cause a slight chill of discontent, and rolling down the mountain of time, a cold lump turns into a rumbling avalanche. The first disappointment befalls us when we begin to understand that Heaven gave love as a gift, and it gives love on credit. And in order to develop it further to the relationship of spouses and parents, you need to endlessly invest money, time, health, money, heart, soul, feelings, attention and affection ...

Here she is, FIRST REASON quarrels between lovers: skimping on all of the above, as a rule, the one who loves more in "Spring".

"In the summer" he also becomes the "author" of claims and reproaches in the midst of relationships, at the peak of passions. In the difficult “Autumn Times of Love”, the initiative passes to the one who is more difficult in a relationship, and reproaches and discontent begin to pour in from his side. He feels that in "Winter" he is destined to be left alone, and thus begins to protest.

After a divorce, during the period of “Winter Chills”, an insult settles in the soul of an abandoned person that even that little warmth and attention was taken from him, which, perhaps, was underestimated at a time when it was still possible to fix something.

Again, “What we have, we don’t store” ... And here the best solution is to decisively remove marketing from relationships, stop the flow of “mutual pains, troubles and insults” and remember the saying of the sages: “There is no better friend than a wife”, and give everything and a little more, until the moment when in the direction of this person “breathes”. Love will not turn into hate if we are able to wake up and see that it is time to immediately stop the "fountain" of reproaches and accusations.

Insults and scandals are dead ground for self-affirmation! In the desire to “drown” another, a person does not see how he himself is drowning! This is a war without a winner. Someone will say that troubles and troubles in the family come from the wrong choice of partner. But there are no completely wrong choices, because some qualities in a partner suit us, but not all of them annoy us.

THE SECOND REASON quarrels: a question of leadership in a couple. If the lovers are happy, then they give in to each other, they have nothing to share and nothing to “puff out their cheeks” for. Everyone is "main" in something of his own, irreplaceable and unique.

Closer to the middle phase of marriage, a reassessment of each other suddenly begins, misunderstanding comes, dissatisfaction with the partner, the ability to “hear” each other, the inability to agree disappears. There is already a full-fledged crisis in family relations. And now one exposes his opinion as a flag, and the other condescendingly, as "more wise", agrees to concessions, "just to be quiet." Compromise is no longer the goal, consensus in opinions is still possible, but more often, as I said, one of the two makes concessions consciously, driving the problem into a chronic state ...

Demands, claims and reproaches, ultimatum statements, sobs and cries are the main manifestations of the "Autumn of Love". And then our grown plant, instead of a juicy and tasty fruit, gives a seed of discord. He and she begin to find out: who slept more, who was more tired, who has the main responsibilities, who achieved more in life. As long as one does not suppress the other with his supremacy, there will be no satisfaction from victory over a partner. It becomes more difficult for someone who feels a greater need for love, for whom it is more important to maintain relationships. That is why he tends to give in more often.

The ancients said: "A truly loving person does not strive for power, a flawed and prudent one strives for it." As long as there is tenderness and feelings, someone alone is in the lead and there are always fewer conflicts. This happens at the beginning of any relationship. In harmoniously developed feelings, a floating or flexible system of relationships usually develops.

Closer to the "colds in Love" there are fewer and fewer concessions, and more and more claims.

THIRD REASON quarrels: not the last place in the conflicts is occupied by the rather prosaic topic of the Family Budget. Everyone understands that money is fertilizer for our sprout. They require a prudent attitude and control. In a family, it is necessary to regulate income and expenses, and how this happens is in many ways an indicator of family relations.

Usually couples choose joint, shared and separate types of budget. But what if you work hard and try to combine all these types by creating three different piles of money in different places?

The first pile of money is a joint wallet, each of the couple takes part in replenishing it, decisions are made together on how to spend money. It is very convenient for people with the same earnings or families where one is dependent (only fifty years ago it would never have occurred to anyone to think that it could be a man, but in our time, alas, it doesn’t sound so shocking anymore, and many habitual norms have ceased to be unshakable!). And yet more often than not, the wife does not work.

The presence of a common purse relieves her of the need to explain every time why such an amount is needed for the household. It also protects her from thinking about the topic: “again I didn’t give out money for the needs of the family, paying for the “communal apartment”, the doctor and the child’s teachers. Is he greedy or inattentive, insensitive or sadistic? So, in a joint wallet, huge amounts are not needed. There may be a sheet of paper and a pencil with which the amount taken by each is recorded. From there, the child can take the money, be sure to report what they were spent on. Such openness saves many parents from frankly and unaccountably "borrowing" from their own wallets.

So we smoothly move on to the second pile of money distributed among “individual pockets”. Does a non-working family member (woman or child) need to allocate funds for living? Need to. Mobile payments, breakfasts, transportation - all this is considered and issued for a week. This approach allows the dependent to learn how to properly manage funds and not require daily subsidies.

If you don't like something - save or go to work! Only in this case, the “stash” of the saved funds does not turn into a serious fraud, that is, it is personal money, and not hidden to the detriment of the family. When the earner is no longer appreciated, thanked, asked for or praised, the “money toad” comes to him. It seems dishonest to the breadwinner that he gives everything to the family to the penny, trying to be open and honest. And if his contribution to the family budget begins to be taken for granted, he may begin to take offense. And there is also a completely indecent situation, when home bums also manage to reproach - they say, they could bring more!

In order not to bring the situation to such an absurdity or establish rules for spending funds, all these points should be discussed in advance, and not hushed up. Jointly made decisions related to spending and storing funds are an indicator that the finances are not managed by the spouses.

The third pile is the family piggy bank. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bank account or a safe deposit box, a home safe or a plastic bag taped behind a picture - the main thing is that “we are all saving money together!”. It can be the House, and the car, or someone's education, or even a "rainy day" - it doesn't matter. It is important that - "we", that - "together"!

A friendly decision is a good indicator of the solution of the material issue in the family, and blackmail with money is the desire to suppress, solve one's problems and complexes at the expense of a loved one.

THE FOURTH REASON to clarify the relationship - non-observance of moral principles. Couples are often destroyed due to violations of marital fidelity and family ethics. This point is always a cause for scandal and rebellion. Only in "Winter", when there is nothing more to swear about, does everyone involved in the divorce see the meaninglessness of claims and excuses. This also includes emerging hostile feelings - hatred, discontent, irritation, often due to the contradictory nature of human feelings. When you are dissatisfied with a partner, you find reasons for nit-picking in everything. Everything irritates: manners, behavior in everyday life, character traits, personality traits. “You’re not standing like that, you’re not lying here!”

At the beginning of a relationship, usually one of the couple distances themselves, takes time to "dump steam", and with long-term cohabitation, psychological compatibility problems creep out like cockroaches on a white sheet. One behaves negatively, the other also “grows” hostility in himself.

I can advise you to set the control of your own emotions and irritation. It is important to learn to accept the personality traits of a spouse as an objective reality, to understand that much cannot be changed. I recommend that at the very beginning of a relationship, take a closer look at your future marriage partner, and after the wedding close your eyes to a lot.

"No! Never!" - the main slogan of wives and husbands in the "Autumn season of love." The desire to contradict and object is a beacon that tells you that love is leaving. It is important to consciously maintain the desire for unity.

Hot anger, cold anger, restrained anger - everything is bad. Try both to “hold your tongue”, “bite your lip”, take water in your mouth, count to ten or a hundred. I recommend each time to clarify what annoyed, ask what exactly the noisy person wants.

REASON FIVE: two loving people may have a conflict in a state of stress due to the difference in needs and attitudes towards life. Achievements in the profession and career growth do not guarantee success in personal life. I will say more: more often it is career growth that separates lovers from each other! So in this regard, one should be very careful and attentive, “do not forget,” as they used to say.

Dealing with joint problems together and remaining polite is very difficult. The most difficult thing is to find something in common in differences, something that connects and unites. Those who do not quarrel do not need to be reconciled. Agree that you will not swear, that there will be no screams and conversations at elevated decibels in your house. If your loved one does what he promised after five reminders, if he forgets about the holidays and your dates, and all the homework lies entirely on your shoulders, and his life goes according to your order, say OUT LOUD that you need help. Let him know that without his opinion and desire it is very difficult for you! Otherwise, you run the risk of soon turning into a “commander in a skirt” or a “boy-woman”. Distribute responsibility in advance, agree "on the shore"!

SIXTH REASON FOR DIFFERENCE: vain expectations. Irritation and resentment comes when a partner does not do what you would like. He will certainly express his claims. Children at a psychological reception often complain that their parents yell at them in irritation and insult them. And in the human psyche, over time, the so-called “subtraction” occurs, that is, the essence of the conversation and its reason disappear, leaving forever in memory only a scream and a face twisted with anger.

If you need something special, if you need to be understood in this way and not otherwise, you should speak about it precisely and directly, without forcing your partner to speculate. Tell him exactly what you want. If he does not listen to your words, then look for other ways to present information, think about the reasons, ask yourself questions and answer them. For example, tell him: “I want to talk because it is very important” or demand to listen to yourself. Does he ignore problematic situations? Do not want to fulfill their obligations? Don't feel sorry for yourself all the time by continuing to do nothing. Do not scatter impracticable threats, do not throw mud at him. If your words and actions do not lead to the desired result, then start looking at it, or rather, at your life in a different way: will it go with Him or without Him?

REASON SEVEN: insults and insults. Express your feelings, don't suppress them. Insulted - sit down and cry. Say that they offend jokes about weight and name-calling. You need to make it clear to your loved one how his words and actions affect your self-awareness. “Don’t lower me below the plinth! Your words are very unpleasant to me”, “Did you at least get pleasure from the fact that you offended me in passing again?”

When you want to reconcile, it is important that both are satisfied with the outcome of the reconciliation. One will give in to cut off the showdown in the house. He will remain silent, but the cause of the conflict will not go anywhere! It will still come up someday in the form of a very unusual scandal (we do not expect a loud expression of will from the "quiet ones") and even a divorce! You can not put pressure on the conscience or emotions of a partner, raise your voice, refuse to listen. The most important task is to agree with yourself and understand: “It will not always be the way I want!”. If one is silent, the other may be mistaken in believing that silence is a sign of consent.

It should not be considered who was more right. Remove from the vocabulary (especially during the "showdown") the words "never", "always". Say: "It is not necessary to solve this problem now, but I ask you to listen to me, I think the decision should be made together." Do not hesitate to admit that you are wrong in the event of your unfair accusation, tell him: "I'm sorry, I'm ashamed, you're right, this is my omission." People with a positive image of "I" are not inclined to demonstrate their superiority, do not try to offend and humiliate others. The stereotypical attitude of partners “it should be so” often underlies misunderstanding and dissatisfaction with each other.

There are Women who are sure that they must remain proud, impregnable and cold. Do not drop dignity, do not show participation and interest in any situation. Even if the husband is not happy with success, he has reduced sex activity or (God forbid!) funding.

She sees herself above the "world problems", she is out of everyday life and everything mundane! She is a mysterious Stranger - "breathing with spirits and mists ...", woven from dreams. She is a gift, a flower that needs to be groomed and cherished! And this, she is convinced, is the main goal of a man’s life, that is, to serve and please her, blindly bowing in endless admiration, and she will condescendingly accept these honors, because she is sure that she was born only for them. And she doesn’t need to know all the affairs and other “baseness” of the material world - let her think about it ... this one ... well, how is he? Husband…

And then one day this “how is it? ... husband” gets tired of keeping an ice doll - he just goes to a normal earthly woman and finds his normal human happiness even in the way his chosen one looks at him happily eating freshly cooked cabbage soup.

We thank the IG "AST" for providing an excerpt from the book by Natalia Tolstaya "Love: from dusk to dawn. Resurrection of feelings".