11.04.2010, 16:55

11.04.2010, 16:58

Ruslan, well, the topic is "How will it be !!!" it is not at all clear what it is about, name the topics more clearly ...

11.04.2010, 17:07

11.04.2010, 17:17

Wedding guests need the most :)
Aakulaa - didn't Ruslan invent a nickname for you? :D very similar to the style of his writing;)

11.04.2010, 20:16

Aakulaa - didn't Ruslan invent a nickname for you? very similar to his style of writing
__________________

Well, first of all, it's great that I have a style of writing (do we already recognize or recognize it?). Secondly, why should someone NIKOLATE under me ???

13.04.2010, 18:34

aakulaa, everything is clear!!! Who needs a wedding more???
Is Niesta a girl who keeps her figure slender? :tea:

14.04.2010, 13:41

Is Niesta a girl who keeps her figure slender? :tea:nesta is the antonym of siesta, i.e. bustling running around in the afternoon.

16.04.2010, 22:55

Niesta is a girl who watches over
So a dishy girl. And a whore behind her :)

27.05.2010, 20:41

Man arrested for using his wife as a horse

The woman, whom her own husband had been using as draft animals for the past 15 years, could not stand it and spoke. Irena Buzniak from Limanow, Poland, has been harnessing to a plow and cart for 15 years. At night, her husband locked her in the garage. In the end, she could not stand it and complained to the authorities.

Irena says: "I hope that my husband and his brothers will be punished to the fullest extent of the law. The last 15 years of my life were absolutely terrible and I want to forget these 15 years as soon as possible."

27.05.2010, 20:46

The horse woman waited for the end for 15 years ... A little more and they would have played a silver wedding.

27.05.2010, 20:49

as a draft animal, could not stand it and started talking.
must be so cool to say :D

27.05.2010, 20:52

At night, her husband locked her in the garage.
Maybe the husband just had to buy a car, but the wife did not allow it? :cool:

24.06.2010, 18:27

In Tolyatti, bride kidnappers received 4 years in prison, and the groom hanged himself

In the Samara region, a verdict was passed on two kidnappers of a woman whom they forcibly wanted to marry. However, the victim managed to make a scandal right in the mosque, after which the groom committed suicide, and his henchmen went on trial.

By a curious coincidence, one of the defendants in the case, as if played out according to the scenario of the comedy film "Prisoner of the Caucasus", is the namesake of the actor Yuri Nikulin, who played the bride kidnapper in the film. The court sentenced 29-year-old Togliatti residents Yuri Nikulin and Alexander Shepilov to four years in prison each, the official website of the Investigative Committee under the Prosecutor's Office (SKP) of the Russian Federation reports.

As follows from the case file, the victim has lived with a man in the city of Tolyatti, Samara Region, since 2001. However, in October 2009, the couple quarreled, after which the woman changed her place of residence and, wanting to end her relationship with her former partner, refused to meet with him.

In November 2009, a man asked two of his acquaintances to kidnap a girl in order to perform a Muslim marriage ceremony with her.

On November 26, 2009, Shepilov and Nikulin ambushed the victim at the building of a municipal institution located in the city of Tolyatti. Using violence that is not dangerous to life and health, they put the girl in a car and delivered her to the house of a former roommate in the village of Podstepki, Stavropol district. "There, the attacker raped the victim," the press release of the UPC RF says.

After that, the woman was taken to the mosque in the city of Togliatti to perform the marriage ceremony. There she, taking advantage of the presence of witnesses, began to call for help and informed them of the illegal actions of her alleged fiancé. He, frightened of exposure, left the premises of the mosque.

"On December 1, 2009, the attacker was found hanged at his home. A suicide note was confiscated from the apartment," the UPC said in a statement.

On the same day, criminal prosecution against the groom was terminated due to his death. However, the evidence collected by the investigation was recognized by the court as sufficient for sentencing Yuri Nikulin and Alexander Shepilov.
factnews

18.08.2010, 03:08

Anneli Rufus, a psychologist and journalist from the University of Radford, has deduced 15 patterns for married life, according to the Daily Telegraph. They are all about divorce. The results are published in the journal Motivation and Emotion and, frankly, they are not encouraging.
1. If you are a woman and married before the age of 18, the probability of divorce in the first 10 years of marriage for you is 48%.

2. If you are a woman and want a child more than your husband, then you are twice as likely to get a divorce than if you had the same views on reproduction.

3. If you have two sons, the probability of divorce for you is 36.9%, if you have two daughters - 43.1%.

4. If you are a man and have high normal testosterone levels, you are 43% more likely to get divorced than men with low testosterone levels.

5. If your child is diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, then you are 22.7% more likely to get a divorce before the child turns 8 than parents whose child does not suffer from this matter.

6. If you are now married or married, but have already lived together with someone else, not with your spouse, then you are twice as likely to get a divorce than someone who has never met anyone before marriage like that, to live under one roof.

7. If you didn’t smile in childhood photos, then you are more likely to get divorced than for those who smiled all the time in childhood photographs.

8. If you lost a child after the 12th week of pregnancy, in childbirth or shortly after childbirth, you are 40% more likely to get divorced than those who did not lose children.

9. If you are a woman and have recently been diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis, your marriage is 6 times more likely to end in divorce than if your husband were diagnosed.

10. If you are a white American and you are separated from your husband, then the probability of divorce for you at 6 years after separation is 98%. For a Hispanic woman, this probability is 80%, for a black woman - 72%.

11 and 12. If you are a dancer or choreographer, for you the probability of divorce is 43.05% (and if you are a bad dancer?), if you are a mathematician - 19.15%, if a trainer - 22.5%, if a farmer - 7.63 %, if a nuclear physicist - 7.29%, if an optometrist (physician in optics) - 4.01%.

13. If you or your husband had a traumatic brain injury, the probability of divorce is 17%.

14. If you are a black woman, then the probability of divorce after your first marriage is 47%, if you are Hispanic - 34%, white - 32%, Asian - 20%.

15. If you are a woman and serve in the military, then you are 250 times more likely to get divorced than a military man.

Wombatik.livejournal.com/3477245.html

18.08.2010, 11:25

if a farmer - 7.63%, if a nuclear physicist - 7.29%

How close, however :)

18.08.2010, 11:25

he and she, how will it be after the wedding ??? What will change ???

There will be a lifetime long honeymoon :dont::):hello: :tea:

18.08.2010, 11:41

How close, however :)

"Calm, just calm."

It's funny, mathematicians are about the same level as trainers: D Probably, they mean teachers: D

18.08.2010, 11:42

Probably referring to the teachers.

18.08.2010, 11:48

nuclear physicist - 7.29%,
These generally need to be measured not as a percentage, but as a half-life: D

23.09.2010, 12:15

To the question "What would you like your wife to do for you at least once?" - Japanese men answered: thanked (100), listened to what I said (66), kissed (55.8), hugged (48.1), said "I love you" (41.6) ...
ma79.livejourn

30.10.2010, 20:09

Good thing they don't go skydiving.

In the UK, the wife of Liberal Democrat MP John Hemming is on trial for breaking into the house of her husband's mistress and stealing a kitten from there. According to the Daily Telegraph, Christine Hemming has been formally charged with breaking into someone else's home and burglary. She was released on conditional bail. Her trial will begin on December 16.
The victim of her actions is Emily Cox, who gave birth to a child from John Hemming in 2005. Just this year, he entered parliament. Once upon a time, his wife told reporters that this novel was at least John's 26th in a row, she was very upset at first, but then decided to support her husband, despite the ugliness of the situation. "And who has everything ideally? It's just wise to concentrate on the positive aspects of any situation and move on," she said shortly after the birth of John's illegitimate daughter Isabelle. By the way, she claimed that over time, Isabelle became "a member of their family."
Now the deputy is trying to find a kitten to bring him home. What happened to the animal is unclear.

24.11.2010, 21:16

M.N. Glubokovsky
PRACTICAL GUIDANCE FOR PARENTS FOR THE MARRIAGE OF DAUGHTERS AND FOR BRIDES FOR MARRIAGE

Http://nauka.relis.ru/20/0012/semja-4.GIF
Everyone knows that at present, marrying off your daughter is literally a feat for the young lady-bride of her parents, because grooms run from brides like fire, preferring a single life. At the same time, the number of unfortunate old maids increases every year more and more, as well as illegitimate children and crimes ...

What is the reason for this and is it possible to at least partially help grief? It is possible, but in order to treat the disease, first of all, it is necessary to make an accurate diagnosis. Let's start with him. I am sure that not only parents, but also young brides will read the following lines not without benefit for themselves.

Suppose that a family lives in Moscow, consisting of a husband, wife, and only two children (and two usually come already 3 years after marriage). The husband - an official or a middle-class clerk - receives 50 rubles a month. This is a good salary, because not so long ago the Minister of Finance recommended that mainly people with higher education be hired in this department, and the initial salary is something around 30 rubles a month. Candidates for judicial positions, until recently, served for a long time for free, and only recently they were assigned something like 50 rubles a month. The same is true for hospital doctors. Therefore, it will not be an understatement if a salary of 50 rubles is good for people without a higher education.

Now let's calculate the monthly budget of this family, making the calculation for items not even of the first, but of the first necessity.

An apartment in 1 1/2 rooms with a kitchen is cheaper than 20 rubles. in a month it is impossible to find, and even then somewhere closer or to heaven, or to the underworld, if in the city center, or - at the "hell in the middle of nowhere".

Put 5 rubles on firewood and coal for samovars and ironing. a month is no exaggeration.

It is impossible to spend on lighting, on average, less than one pood of kerosene per month. Let's take the worst grade of 1 rub. 20 kop.

Tea and sugar per month, with the most extreme thrift, will come out no less than 3 rubles. (including the smallest portion).

For lunch, dinner and breakfast, for soup (or cabbage soup) and roast, 3 pounds of beef per day is taken, moreover, the lowest grade, the so-called human, 12 kopecks. pound, total per day 36 kopecks, and per month 10 rubles. 80 kop. Black bread (nothing to think about white) 3 pounds a day, seasonings (potatoes, onions, roots, salt, etc.; there is probably nothing to think about cucumbers either) for 15 kopecks; total for 4 rubles. 50 kop. per month.

For one of the children, milk porridge is required; counting only 10 kopecks. per day, it will turn out 3 rubles per month.

Water carrier 1 ruble per month.

Petty expenses: postage stamps, paper and envelopes, ink, pens, pencils, wax for cleaning boots, needles and threads for sewing and darning, breaking dishes and lamp glasses, matches, etc. - let's put 2 rubles on everything. per month.

Now the servant. After all, the husband is at work in the morning, but the wife cannot run to the store and leave the children alone or carry firewood and water herself, clean boots, etc. But ... let me sum up the previous expenses:

Apartment ................... 20 rub.

Heating and coal...................5

Lighting ............... ...20

Tea and sugar............. 3

Beef ................... 10.80 "

Bread and seasoning..............4.50

Milk porridge.. ............. 3

For water...................... 1 " "

Little things.............2

Total 50 rubles. 50 kop.

Oh God! The budget has already been exceeded! What to do?

We rent a small room for 15 rubles from a tenant. This gives a reduction of 5 rubles for an apartment, 5 rubles for heating, and 1 ruble for water; we will take 2 pounds of beef - savings of 3 rubles. 60 kopecks, total savings 14 rubles. 60 kop. But when cooking at home, more kerosene will be produced by 1 rub. 20 kop. The total reduction is 13 rubles. 40 kop. The landlady's cook must be given at least 1 ruble. - total 12 rubles.
40 kop. The monthly budget is 50 rubles. 50 kop. - 12 rubles 40 kop. = 38 rubles. 10 kop. With an income of 50 rubles for all other expenses, 11 rubles will remain. 90 kop. per month, and the family lives in a tenant's kennel room.

But let's move on to other necessary expenses.

Laundry is required. Soap is needed, and if the hostess allows access to the kitchen, she will take for water and coals. No matter how you spin, but cheaper than 2 rubles. laundry will not cost a month, in total only 9 rubles will remain for other expenses. 90 kop. Of course, the wife herself does the washing, and irons the linen, and starches her husband's shirts, and the husband himself cleans his own boots and dress.

But the husband must always be decently dressed, and the wife and children also cannot walk in the costume of Adam and Eve. The wife sews everything for herself and for the children, and the husband already needs to buy ready-made linen. Let's make an estimate for this item of expenditure.

A. Estimate for husband

The cheapest, but decent for the service, vice-uniform pair or a simple one costs 25 rubles, not cheaper. At least one other pair is needed, homemade, at 15 rubles. Assuming that they are replaced only once every three years (???), we get the annual cost of repairs in (25 + 15): 3 = 40: 3 =
\u003d 13 1/3 rubles. It will not be an exaggeration to allow the same expense for the repair of outerwear, hats, caps; total for the upper and lower dress we get about 27 rubles. per year of consumption.

We will not mention gloves, but it is unlikely that less than a ruble will come out for handkerchiefs, cufflinks and ties per year, total 27 + 1 = 28 rubles.

Boots, on the assumption that the husband will not even dream of a horse-drawn carriage (not to mention cabbies), you need two pairs of 6 rubles a year. 50 kop. (cheap varieties) and galoshes, also two pairs of 2 rubles each. 25 kopecks, but in total (6 1/2+
+2 1/4) x2 = 17 rubles. 50 kop.

Let us suppose that the wife herself sews underwear for the whole family. Still needed: calico, buttons, thread, and repair of the sewing machine. Let's allocate 3 rubles a year for everything, really, a little.

As a result, to maintain the husband’s robes in a somewhat tolerable form, we get:

Top and bottom dress 27 rub. - cop.

Cufflinks, ties, etc. 1 " - "

Shoes................................. 17" 50"

Underwear................... 3 " - "

Total 48 rubles. 50 kop.

B. Estimates for wife, children, etc.

We saw above that for everything, except for the most urgently needed items, 9 rubles remain from the budget. 90 kop. per month, i.e. 9 rubles. 90 kop. x 12 = 118 rubles. 80 kop. in year. But 48 rubles are absolutely necessary for a husband. 50 kop. - for a family, therefore, only 70 rubles remain. 30 kop.

If the wife will dress like a cook, she still needs at least three calico dresses a year for 5 rubles; linen, let's say, like a husband, for 3 rubles, shoes and galoshes, like a husband, for 17 rubles. 50 kopecks, for the repair and redemption of the top dress 15 rubles; for pins, hairpins, scarves, etc. 2 rub. - total 15 + 3 + 17 rubles. 50 kop. + 15 rub. + 2 rub. = 52 rubles. 50 kop. It remains 70 rubles. 30 kop. - 52 rubles. 50 kop. = 17 rubles. 80 kopecks, this is for children and petty needs, such as repairing lamps and burners, brushes, combs, soap for washing, etc. It is easy and without calculation to say that the amount is hardly enough.

At the same time, it is assumed that the husband does not smoke tobacco and does not drink a glass of vodka or a bottle of beer a year, that there is never a single guest, that the wife herself runs to the shops, leaving the children unattended, that she herself washes clothes, sews and repairs his own, her husband's and children's underwear, and if the husband oversleeps, cleans his boots and dress, that all this happens in a kennel for 15 rubles. per month.

Well, what if homelands, christenings, illness happen? What if there are not two children, but four? What to bury if one of them dies? etc.

There is only one answer: complete poverty, even if the husband comes to the service in a very elegant vice-uniform (after all, it is now a general requirement that employees, even from peasants, be dressed quite decently). Poverty and hunger together - hopeless, hopeless, increasing every year, taking away the strength of a family worker ... Family life, contrary to the proverb: "with a sweet paradise and in a hut", turns into a real hell, from which the only salvation for a husband is in vodka , and let the family eat one potato for months ...

Here I took a budget of 50 rubles. per month, but add another 25 rubles - you get the salary of a gymnasium teacher, even with additional lessons. What will this increase change? Perhaps only one transition from a kennel room to a 20-ruble apartment, no more, as can be seen from the above budget. And again, there will be nothing to hire a cook. Let's even take a salary of 100 rubles. per month - even in Moscow this is considered a decent salary, and in the provinces - luxurious.

But I will set the reader a task: in accordance with local conditions, to make an accurate calculation of all the above points in order to solve the budgetary issue of marriage. But I will add that after 6 years it is already necessary to teach the guys - even this will be included in the estimate. And now teaching is very biting ...

So, strict mothers, do not be offended by young people who evade marriage service. Right, they are not particularly to blame for avoiding your networks. They, for the most part, only instinctively feel what I here, perhaps with extreme cruelty and harshness, expressed not in phrases, but in relentless figures. Do not be offended, too, beautiful young ladies, that these terrible figures summing up the modern conditions of life are so unfavorable for sublime love. You have read French novels, the words of a Russian poet and love are heard in your ears:

Whispers, easy breathing
Nightingale's trill...

But here, read not a fictional, but an ordinary scene that takes place between the intended groom, the bride's parents and herself. The "victim" was called to dinner. Everyone is already seated at the table.

Why isn't Lily coming? Dreaming at the piano again! You know (addressing her fiancé) she is terribly fond of music and sometimes plays Beethoven sonatas all day long.

(The groom remembers the words of the rude Tolstoy, and he thinks to himself: therefore, the whole day "bubbles"! However!)

Ah, how good Chaliapin was yesterday in Faust, - Lily exclaims, entering and sitting down near the groom.

We go to the theater every week,” adds the mother.

(Each visit to the amphitheater for two with cab drivers costs at least 6 rubles, in total, if you go to only 20 performances in a season, you will get an expense of 120 rubles, the groom reflects.)

Further it turns out that Lily is terribly fond of reading French novels in winter, and in summer looking at the stars and indulging in sublime dreams (the groom is shuddering); that Lily - excuse me - is dressed very modestly today, her dress costs only 50 rubles. "It's very cheap!" (throws the groom into a sweat); that Lily is not an earthly creature, that she is a real angel (well, she would have gone to heaven!); that she is terribly fond of nature (damn her with nature, too!) etc., etc., up to and including the bicycle.

Finally, an invitation is given to the box, to the opera, on the following Thursday. The groom thanks him, but as he leaves, he wipes his face with a handkerchief and firmly decides on Thursday to send a note that on that day he fell ill with influenza ... Mother clearly hinted that her daughter was not a dowry, that she had 10,000; maybe he’s lying, or maybe he’s telling the truth, but he’s cheating, the groom thinks. And what does this money mean with such habits and demands? How long will they last? Moreover, he will reproach all his life that she made me happy, and I turned out to be a fool ...

This explains the apparently strange fact that many highly educated people marry almost illiterate people. I knew a highly learned professor who married his cook. Everyone, of course, knows many cases when gymnasium teachers, for example, marry dressmakers, milliners, etc., while young ladies who speak two or three foreign languages ​​either sit in girls or stand behind the counter of a store with 9 o'clock morning until 8 o'clock. evenings for a salary of 25 rubles. per month, or are engaged in other professions (telegraph operators, teachers, etc.), which make it possible to eat cheap sausage with bread, vegetate and ... dream of suitors.

Mothers and brides-to-be should think about it. I assure you that if, appearing by chance, the groom finds a young lady ironing linen and all stained with soot, then he will like it much more than
if he found her overdressed, powdered, perfumed. If you add modesty and unpretentiousness to simplicity, then this will be a magnet for suitors.

Of course, such frequent marriages of educated people to dressmakers and seamstresses are an undesirable phenomenon; Of course, it would be nice sometimes to talk to your wife about something and higher than the economy. But what to do: we do not live in heaven, but on earth.

This is how the current suitors argue.

However, is it really necessary to go against the education of women? It would be more than unfortunate. Education for a woman is an excellent dowry, and we will prove it here with figures.

Let's assume that the mother knows languages, music and sciences in the gymnasium program. It is obvious that she herself can (but will she!) teach her children, and this is very expensive; We count according to the Moscow tax.

A teacher or music teacher costs no less than 15 rubles per month. - per year 180 rubles.

It is impossible to find a decent tutor cheaper than 20 rubles a month - 240 per year.

To teach languages, you need to take a governess, also with a salary of at least 20 rubles, and her maintenance (including a separate room) will cost 25 rubles. - total per month 45 rubles, and per year 540 rubles. Counting everything together, we get 180 + 240 + 540 rubles. = 960 rubles. Obviously, the wife, putting her labor and knowledge into the family, puts a capital of about 25,000 rubles.

It is impossible for a woman to earn this amount on the side: lessons for everything are knocked down to the extreme, and it is obviously impossible to become a governess - in a word, women's labor has the most rational use in their family; this is the best solution to the women's issue, I dare to assure you. There is no calculation to rush to the side, because the above calculation does not yet indicate how much the economy will lose from the lack of supervision of the hostess, and this can be valued and cost very dearly.

Educated, but at the same time modest, unpretentious wives, capable of mending stockings and ironing linen after a lesson in music and French, for the same children, is almost an extraordinary rarity. But the secret is that this is not uncommon. Let the piano replace the tongues, and then the needle and iron. Such a young lady will always find a groom, and time, however, perhaps a little, for her ideal dreams, in order to float up at least for a while up the swamp of life pulling us down ...

A year after the Mendelssohn's march had sounded, it seems to the spouses that they got to know each other so well that they know how to smooth out all the contradictions that arise and understand each other perfectly. In fact, it is impossible to foresee all the ups and downs, joys and disappointments.

A certain recognition effect calms and sometimes does not allow you to notice the pitfalls in the rapids of your family life in time. And the modest experience of living together is sometimes still not enough. So a year after the wedding, you should not relax. It is no coincidence that this period is considered by psychologists as one of the crisis.

So, what happens in the life of a young couple after a year of marriage together? What should be expected in marriage and how to relate to such inevitable companions of life together as parents of the second half, the division of duties, quarrels and conflicts?

Perhaps you are lucky. You have found the one who was destined for you, and a happy future and love until old age await you. But unfortunately, many couples already after the first year of marriage are completely disappointed with their precious half. Walking down the aisle, we are almost sure: “This is it!”, But after a year or two we doubt: “Is it him?” He was attentive, strong, understanding, generous, and this one even forgets that today is a year since your wedding. He does not see that the apartment needs repair; dinner swallows, not noticing your efforts; instead of cooing affectionately in the evening, he silently wallows in front of the TV. “Where is the romance and love that was before?”- you are lamenting. And the answer is simple: family life interfered in your relationship, which lands. And the most difficult thing when landing is to catch the mood of the partner, his temperament. And do not freak out if his desire to lie on the couch does not match your mood to fool around. Learn to regulate the mood of your spouse, even if it means giving up some of your habits.

In support of my words, I would like to give an example of one of my friends. When she got married, no one believed in their happiness - they were too different. She loved noisy companies, and he - a quiet home environment; she did not like to cook, but he liked to eat delicious food; she read books until midnight, and he was already asleep at ten in the evening. And, to be honest, the first year they had problems, but the main thing was that they had to live with his parents, and the mother-in-law did not like the daughter-in-law. Seeing this as the main threat to their relationship, they insisted on exchanging an apartment. There were conflicts after that, but they easily survived them, accepting each other's individuality, and even benefited from this: when they had a child, they realized how convenient it was for one to be a “night owl” and the other a “lark”. It’s just that in the second year of their life together, they became wiser, and all their problems are resolved painlessly and amicably. In this house it is not customary to raise your voice, break the dishes, sulk at each other for weeks, move from the matrimonial bed to the sofa. But, as my friend says, at first it was like that, but she quickly realized that such behavior only aggravated the situation. The main lesson of the first anniversary is not to make hasty conclusions and make rash decisions based on them.

In general, there are no such young families that would avoid problems and conflicts, as there are no such halves that would be ideally combined from the first day of a sweet honeymoon. And most conflicts and quarrels occur over trifles (due to unwashed dishes or an unsealed shampoo bottle). Therefore, if you want your marriage to be strong, learn not to find fault with each other over trifles. By the second year of marriage, couples should learn the main thing: you need to help each other, and not prove who is right and who is wrong. It is in the first year of life that spouses need to learn to get along with each other's shortcomings and weaknesses. Otherwise, they will never be able to come to terms with it, and therefore, this marriage one way or another, but will not stand the test of time.

At this stage of marriage, there is also a separation of the roles of the spouses (who will be responsible for running the household, who will have finances in their hands, etc.) . For example, on the second anniversary of their life together, my sister came to a very important conclusion that money, it turns out, needs to be saved. Before marriage, she managed her money herself and spent it as she liked. And now she has to consult with her husband about the purchase of some thing. “But now I’m glad that my husband helped me learn how to save and save money for the future,” she says.

Of course, spouses have a powerful weapon to deal with problems - this is their love. But so that it is not overshadowed in the future, let's talk about those possible options that will help you overcome all the difficulties that have arisen in your one-year-old family journey.

So, First, you need the tactic of temporary truces in case of quarrels that are inevitable. As a rule, in happy marriages, spouses know how to stop in time and do not continue the scandal, postponing the discussion until calmer times.

Secondly, you don't need parental attorneys to handle your family matters. Get used to the fact that you should not run with any news to your mom and dad, discuss with them every step of your husband. You have already broken away from your parents, and it's time to start your own family orders and honor your own traditions.

Thirdly, remember that the husband is, of course, a friend, but not enough to start a conversation with him about your past romances and women's intimate affairs.

Fourth, distribute your roles in family life. Practice shows that dual power in financial and domestic matters leads to chaos and endless mutual claims. Let one of you (most often a woman plays this role) keeps in mind when to restock potatoes and what date you are invited to visit, and the other monitors the finances and repairs of the apartment.

And, finally, you have already almost studied each other and you know what someone likes. So, if your husband loves to eat delicious food, then cook something unusual for him more often. Or maybe he is pleased when you watch football with him - well, sometimes you can “suffer” for the sake of your loved one. Such signs of attention are worth a lot. And I assure you, it's not worth ruining your happy marriage.

If the bride did not run away from you like Julia Roberts, then regardless of age, like all couples, you will go through 5 stages of married life.

According to American psychologist Michelle Weiner-Davies, author of several bestselling books and organizer of the Center for the Fight against Divorce, all married couples, regardless of the age of marriage, go through five stages of married life. The duration of each stage may differ from case to case, but the sequence of their passage is the same for everyone.

"I have no life without you"

In the initial stage of the relationship, the spouses, as a rule, are head over heels in love with each other. Telling relatives and close friends about their finally found “soul mate”, they tend to emphasize the kinship of souls and the complete coincidence of interests and outlook on life. The small differences that are found seem insignificant and fit into the formula: "We complement each other perfectly." A constant and intense desire for physical intimacy overrides almost all spontaneously arising negative emotions.

Enjoy the euphoria of the first period, psychologists advise, but remember that this blissful state cannot and will not last forever. When the intoxication with each other begins to subside, do not worry: passionate love is by no means the “universal glue” that keeps spouses in marriage.

"Where were my eyes?"

Sooner or later comes the sobering. Differences in characters, interests, habits, etc. become apparent. The matter is also aggravated by the fact that the former mutual physical attraction is slowly fading away. In addition, it is during this period of joint life that spouses, as a rule, begin to face financial and domestic problems, and they also try to redistribute family roles and responsibilities among themselves.

Having found significant disagreements between you - psychologists emphasize in this case - do not panic and do not become discouraged. Remember that they are inevitable, and the fact that they have arisen is not yet a sign that you made a mistake in choosing a partner. This is a sign that it is time for some creative work to fix your marriage. The main thing you need to learn is to constructively resolve conflict situations. Do not move away from each other and do not lose sight of the task of reviving your joint (the word "joint" is the key here) sex life. If you have the opportunity, do not hesitate to seek the help of a professional family counselor.

"Be what I want"

No matter how people are warned against the senselessness of intentions to change others in general and their spouses in particular, they still try to do it - until they are convinced by their own bitter experience of the futility and destructiveness of such attempts. As a result, some have affairs on the side and (or) go for divorce. Others still decide to keep the family.

For Americans, the main reasons for not wanting to destroy the family nest are religious principles, personal beliefs, caring for children, financial considerations, and fear of loneliness. Other representatives of this second group simply resign themselves to the fact that they are “unlucky” in marriage and, at best, find themselves “innocent outlets” like a TV, beer or dominoes in the yard. Those who are trying to find ways to organize an acceptable and satisfying life together are much smarter.

All marriages go through stormy periods, but ahead of you may well expect a “golden ray of sunshine,” psychologists emphasize. Now more than ever you need professional help. In the United States, where the service of family psychologists has a long history, the data is as follows: 86% of unhappy couples who turn to specialists and decide to stay together as a result notice a significant improvement in their relationship after five years.

"It's just the way it is"

A distinctive feature of this period is the acceptance by the spouses of the fact that they cannot and should not agree with each other on everything. Gradually they find ways for "peaceful coexistence". And most importantly, each of them begins to understand that not only the other, but he himself is not such a gift. The inevitable fights become less frequent and less intense. The couple is finally convinced that the best features of their "halves" are simply inseparable from the worst, and the only possible solution is to accept them entirely, as they are.

Do not rest on your laurels, experts remind. - Do not forget about the "three pillars" on which all happy unions are based: business and leisure - together, talking about "everything", physical intimacy (not only sex, but also touches, hugs and other manifestations of tenderness and kinship).

"My closest friend"

This period can be called a well-deserved reward for past torment and labor. Looking back, the couple see their shared history and feel a sense of accomplishment. Eventually each of them learned to appreciate the fact that they are different. Their children grow up, become independent, begin their adult life. The circle closes.

The main concern now is your own health and active lifestyle. If everything is in order with you in this respect, you yourself will be happier, and you will be able to help the children - these are the advice of psychologists at this stage.

Photo: dollen flickr.com/dollen

Instruction

Why a different story, because people are the same? The fact is that if you spend more time with a person, he will open from the other side, often from the most unexpected. Meeting for several hours a day, it is impossible to know a person thoroughly. And after marriage, a life together begins, full of various situations. Life, again. This is where real relationships begin.

Everything is changing. And first of all, the daily routine changes. One is a lark, the other is an owl. Someone at 11.00, and for someone - it's already lunch time. Marriage begins precisely with these little things, because each of the newly-minted spouses has their own habits. The lapping period, as many people call it, begins immediately after the wedding.

At this time, the spouses adapt to each other. For one pair, grinding goes smoothly, for others it is given with great nerves. This, in fact, can be difficult, especially if people are different in spirit. But there is no need to go to extremes. You can neither exacerbate difficult moments, nor release them on the brakes. Help voice. After all, somehow it was possible to get along before the wedding, and now it will turn out. The main thing is to discuss everything, not to stoop to insults and laugh more often. Humor, oddly enough, saved more than one family boat at the first stage of family life.

After the wedding, there are new responsibilities for both parties. No, it's not about who is obliged to support or feed whom. Although, these moments often become a stumbling block in the family. After the wedding, each of the spouses must reckon with the other. I just have to do it, in the name of respect. It shouldn't be on the edge. A free personality remains so even after the registry office - there should not be any servility in relationships. But it is imperative to inform, consult and listen. This is called respect.

After marriage, the family budget changes. What used to be for one is now divided into two, and with the advent of the baby, into three people. It is already necessary to refrain from rash, inexpedient waste. It's difficult at first. But if you live in the same mode, then it will be impossible to make ends meet, even if the salaries of both are decent. Will have to plan. But, on the other hand, the budget is doubled and now, if the funds are distributed correctly, you can decide on some major purchases and trips. Thus, after marriage, new opportunities appear.

Status changes, place of residence changes, sometimes cities change. But the most important thing that changes after the wedding is that the loved one is now there. In wealth and poverty, in sorrow and joy. Now - this is the rear, this is the basis of everything. For the sake of the family, it is worth living, it is worth adapting and, sometimes, changing. And then life after marriage will be infinitely happy, and only good changes will occur.

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After marriage, changes begin to occur in the life of a man, and sometimes quite dramatic. Not all of them are able to deliver joy and satisfaction, but many negative aspects can be prevented.

For most newlyweds, marriage is the beginning of a new life, as it can change a lot. Some men admit that with the beginning of family life, they had to give up many habits, learn to compromise with their soulmate. At the same time, few people want to return to bachelorhood, because marriage also brings pleasant surprises.

Everyday problems

After marriage, the appearance of everyday problems is inevitable. Those newlyweds who did not live together before marriage can feel them especially acutely. For some men, this becomes a real problem. Until recently, harmony and lightness reigned in relations with a beloved girl, and after the wedding it became obvious that the chosen one is not a very good housewife or, on the contrary, loves cleanliness so much that she constantly “nags” her man about dishes left in the sink or scattered things.

Newlyweds do not always understand that they grew up in different social conditions and they may have different views on life. To maintain a good relationship, you need to learn to make concessions.

Lack of free time

After marriage, a man has less free time. Before marriage, he could meet with his girlfriend, pay attention to her, but the rest of the time belonged to him. After the wedding, the lack of personal space is felt very acutely. In order for each of the spouses to feel comfortable, you need to find free time for hobbies, gatherings in a cafe with friends and watching a football match with friends. This will benefit the relationship.

Cooling down in a relationship

Many men complain that relations with the woman they love become colder after marriage. The wife begins to pay less and less attention over time. If earlier during meetings and romantic dates they completely belonged to each other, then after the wedding other things appeared, everyday problems.

Partners gradually get used to each other and gain confidence that their soulmate will not go anywhere now. And this means that you can safely go about your business and pay less attention to your loved one. Sexual life often also becomes less diverse. This is easily explained, since people are attracted to what is not available. So that the relationship does not reach a dead end, you need to pay more attention to each other, try to diversify your intimate life.

In this case, you need to find the pluses in the changes that have occurred. After the wedding, the beloved woman is always there and there is no need to look for a meeting place, go on a date to the other end of the city.

New relatives

After the wedding, a man acquires new relatives in the person of his wife's parents, brothers, sisters. Relations with them go to a completely different level. Sometimes they get warmer, but more often it turns out the other way around. In this case, lapping is also necessary.

Relatives may not like much, but it is important to keep a distance and learn how to properly respond to all the small conflicts that arise within the family. To smooth out all the "sharp corners" it is initially better for the newlyweds to live separately.

New responsibilities and budget planning

After marriage, a man has many new responsibilities. Now he must take care not only of himself, but also of his wife. With the appearance of a family in a man, as a rule, the level of well-being decreases slightly. After the wedding, the budget is already considered common, and with the advent of the child, all income is already divided into three people. But don't worry about this. For many representatives of the stronger sex, this becomes an additional incentive to increase income. They start thinking about how to earn more.

After marriage, the spouses have other responsibilities that are not related to finances. They need to plan their free time together, ask permission from a partner, if there is a need to go somewhere for a long time, leave. You shouldn't take it negatively. New duties are best viewed not from the point of view of restricting freedom, but as a manifestation of concern for each other.

Love and care

Despite the difficulties that arise at the very beginning of the joint journey of the newlyweds, many men remember the first months of family life with great warmth. Those who lived in splendid isolation before marriage are especially able to appreciate the changes. After the wedding, a man no longer needs to think about how to create comfort in the apartment, how to cook food. A loving wife surrounds him with care. Of course, not all household chores should be taken over by modern women, but a division of duties appears and this cannot but rejoice.

Valeria Protasova

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Almost every Russian fairy tale ends with the well-known phrase - "and they lived happily ever after ...". But everything in life, alas, is not so rosy. The candy-bouquet period, which ended with a wedding march, quickly flows into a complex family life, a battle of characters and a battle “for the TV remote control” (for power).

How does life change after the wedding, and how to get around the obstacles that arise in the way of the family brig?

Stage 1 - On the wings of love

You just got married, your honeymoon is over, your whole life is ahead, there are a lot of plans, and she won't let him go to work without a kiss.

This stage is the most romantic and the most naive. It lasts from one to three years, and ends with the advent of children.

These are the brightest and most pleasant days of family life: it is during this period that both are under the influence of feelings and passions that once pushed them into each other's arms. They like to fall asleep in an embrace, they laugh, sticking new wallpapers, they are happy to plunge into a life together, giving in to each other and accepting each other as they are.

Stage 2 - Soul in the palm of your hand

At this stage, he and she are fully revealed.

He knows how she looks in the morning without makeup and shaves her legs, that her soups are always salty, and the “fat ass” complex has haunted her since school.

She learns that he hates to visit, during football matches it is better not to touch him, and he will lay out his socks where he wants and when he wants.

A difficult stage of a relationship, the severity of which is aggravated by the birth of a child: lack of sex, fatigue of the wife, cries of the baby at night, lack of past passion and romance, stretch marks, sagging tummy, circles under the eyes.

A rare man “breaks patterns” and carries a wife with a baby in his arms, spitting from a high bell tower on her stretch marks, and on soup from bags, and on postpartum depression, because “he loves, and the rest is nonsense.”

Most men, unfortunately, it is during this period that they begin to slip and back off.

• This period is for team work only. Working alone is the way "to the reefs." We must remember that there are not even two of you anymore, that responsibility has grown.
• Don't try to run away from problems. No matter how hard it is, breathe out and do what you have to do. All these problems are temporary. A couple of years will pass, and you will remember these difficulties with a smile.
• Everything that used to touch you in your half is now starting to annoy. And sometimes it seems that you are ready to break everything and start a new life. Do not rush to spoil your life - this is just a period that every family goes through. And it depends only on you whether you will nurse your grandchildren together in your happy old age, or whether you will disperse like ships in the sea.
• Do not be discouraged that there is no more romance and those “first” feelings. This is fine. The natural process of developing relationships: they just moved to a new level. Romance is a veil, a haze under which your true characters are hidden. But there is no more haze - you have already studied each other quite well, that's why there is no that passion. But this does not mean that love has died - you just turn into 2 halves of one whole.
• Diversify your life together. It is clear that you know each other's step and every word in advance, that you lack the feeling of novelty. But only you can bring that newness into a relationship. Change your image, arrange romantic evenings, diversify your intimate life, do not forget about travel.

Stage 3 - Between Divorce and Rekindling Passion

This stage can be safely called the "meat grinder" of family life.

The children are growing up, but the problems have not become less.

He spends less and less time at home. You dream of running away at least to a friend and at least for a day to cry and forget about everything. But you can’t, because the older one has a section, the younger one fell ill again, it’s time for the cat to give birth, and the husband doesn’t like walking dogs. And then there's the mortgage, for which another five years to plow and plow. And he no longer looks at you like the sexy brunette you were 10 years ago.

This is the hottest phase of a relationship that often ends in divorce.

• You have already gone through so much together that breaking everything now is stupid and reckless.
• Life is made up of little things. Even if you break up and meet another person, the problems will remain the same. If you can't solve them now, you won't be able to later.
• Learn to turn every negative into a positive. Another 5 years, children will grow up, and you will become much calmer, freer and more comfortable with each other. You will remember again that you are still “hoo”, that you have not yet gone to Thailand and have not swept across Russia together, as you dreamed.
• Compromises at this stage, as a rule, do not happen. Someone has to give in and become more patient. And, as a rule, this is a woman, if she is wise and does not want to ruin the family.
• Be sure to take time out of your "busy schedules" to just be alone. It is very important now not to lose that subtle connection that exists between you. Send the kids to grandma and go to the lake for the weekend. Leave the younger one with the older one and run away in the rain to the cinema on the last row. Get up early to meet the sunrise together.
• Take care of your appearance. Surely, the wife is already walking around in a shabby dressing gown, forgetting about manicures (and even restoring smoothness to her legs - it’s just laziness) and new beautiful underwear. And the husband has long spat on the gym, walks around the house in worn-out slippers and family shorts, gradually turning the press cubes into a beer ball. If you do not want to lose interest in each other, urgently change.

Stage 4 - Empty nest and feeling of emptiness

All these years you have lived for your children. And now your chicks have scattered to their families, their rooms are empty, and you feel out of place.

No matter how longing torments you, let your children go calmly and relax. Start living for yourself! You put the children on their feet, raised them, helped in any way they could, and invested everything with which they are rich in every sense.

It's time to think about your personal life. Now you have time for it. Right now is the time to open up a second wind and remember that you are not yet a couple of decrepit old men.

• Have a second honeymoon! Go where you both wanted to go most of all these years.
• Find, finally, a common activity that will be of interest to both of you: fishing, a joint workshop in a vacant room, trips to theaters with dinners on the roofs, traveling, dancing, tennis, etc. You never know what entertainment is in the world!
• Learn to live without children. All those years, children bound you tightly, kept you from rash acts, forced you to control yourself. Now this "airbag" is gone. But you're not strangers, are you? After all, after the wedding (and before it), you somehow lived together, and you felt quite comfortable. It's time to remember what "two" is! And the best part is that you don't have to rush anywhere. You have already done the main work of your life, and now you can just love and enjoy every day that you spend together.

Stage 5 - Together to gray hair

You are already retired, and you are probably being thrown in with growing grandchildren for the weekend.

At this stage, there are practically no divorces: you have already gone through fire, water, copper pipes and everything else that you can and cannot think of.

You just can't live without each other anymore. This is what is called one.

What should be remembered?

• Do not upset each other over trifles. You have already experienced so much, so many years of difficult joint work behind you, that now you can only live and enjoy.
• Don't lose the spark , which once slipped between you and grew into great love - take care of it. Stay gentle and caring even when you are already drinking pills for age-related diseases and do not hesitate to plop your jaws into cups in front of each other.

AND - don't forget about your children and grandchildren . Make them rush to you with joy, and not grumble into the phone “there is no time yet.”

After all, where they love and wait, you always want to return again and again.