Loyalty is one of the most important moments of family life. Of course, those people who did not have to know the bitter taste of treason in their lives are happy. However, even halves that are very loving and adoring each other do not always manage to achieve complete harmony in creating a strong family union. What to do if one of the spouses turned out to be unfaithful to his partner? What is betrayal and how to survive it?

The main thing in the article

The terrible word is treason: what can it really be?

Treason... How many destinies are broken, tears are shed and families are destroyed because of this phenomenon! However, what does this word mean? What is actually adultery? Is she as scary as they say she is?

Cheating is the violation of the fidelity of one partner to another, regardless of whether they are married or not. Most often we are talking about sexual contact "on the side", although many of us consider betrayal and falling in love with one of the partners in another person, arguing that "moral betrayal is worse than physical."

Cheating is most often not an accident and not an unfortunate misunderstanding that destroyed an ideal relationship, but an offensive consequence of the problems that have arisen between partners. It does not arise from scratch and always has its own reasons, which we often do not want to notice.

Adultery is a kind of wake-up call that the family ship, if it has not yet crashed into life, has given a noticeable leak. It can be treated differently: for some, husbands have a constant mistress for years, and not just one, but their wives pretend not to notice anything; others, having barely suspected a man of infidelity, immediately break off relations.

In any case, there are two scales in front of a loving person: on one of them is love and a calm relationship with your partner, on the other - a short-term affair, momentary lust. It's simple: if the second bowl of scales outweighs, then the sincerity of his love should be doubted.

There is a great phrase: "You can seduce a man who has a mistress or wife, but not one who has a beloved woman."

The difference between female and male infidelity

From a psychological point of view, male infidelity is fundamentally different from female. In male adultery, most often there is no element of betrayal itself. A man often does not experience deep feelings and emotional attachment to the object with which he is cheating on a woman. Often this is just a momentary whim, passion or inability to suppress an excessively and out of place instinct.

A woman, on the other hand, will not be able to cheat on her man if she does not feel affection or deeper feelings for the object of betrayal. Thus, a woman's path to adultery lies through the cooling of her feelings for her husband: another man begins to attract her. A man, on the contrary, cheating on his wife, continues to love her, sometimes even more than before betraying. That is why women's infidelity is NOT comparable to men's.

Female infidelity is a more destructive thing for marriage and relationships. Male infidelity is often light, superficial, and, if a woman does not find out about it, is not capable of destroying either a relationship or a marriage.

While a man has an “on the side” relationship in the evening, and in the morning he may not even remember the name of his passion, a woman, with rare exceptions, will not be able to give herself to the first person she meets: she will diligently choose a man with whom she has despaired of cheating on her beloved.

The next difference between male and female infidelity is that a man who has cheated on his wife is basically convinced that his woman is superior to the object of adultery, he begins to treat his wife more reverently and touchingly. A woman, on the contrary, idealizes her lover, her attitude towards her husband will only worsen. A man who has been “horned” is most often killed morally, compared, sexual relations are terminated with him, and in most cases the family is destroyed.

Studies have shown that men who cheat on their wives do not consider their marriage a failure, while cheating wives do not hide the fact that they are unhappy in marriage. And if a man does not always need a reason for cheating, then a woman in her infidelity always pursues some goal: whether it is a banal revenge, a desire to assert oneself or a desire to experience new feelings.

Why do husbands cheat on their wives?

Men can cheat on their wives both simply "at the behest of instinct" and for a specific reason. There are several reasons why husbands cheat on their wives:

• fading love : if a man has ceased to have tender feelings for his woman and has lost passion for her, it will not be easy to keep him from betrayal. In this case, it would be pointless to keep a man near you, you need to muster up the courage to find out, and possibly terminate the relationship. You can blame your partner only for the fact that he was not honest, but not for the lack of love on his part.

• relationship problems : This does not mean that love is no more. In most cases, on the contrary, with his betrayal, the partner wants to make sure of the superiority of his beloved and return the passion and ardor of feelings. Instead of expressing his claims to his wife, the man unconsciously tries to correct the situation in a very peculiar way - by treason.

That is why, from a psychological point of view, betrayal often serves as a stabilizer of relations, and people who have experienced all the “charms” of betrayal, in the future treat their partner with great understanding and tolerance.

• desire to try something new : all friends have mistresses, and they do not miss the opportunity to show off their victories on the love front. And then the man decides to try to make a connection on the side - so as not to differ from others, and to diversify his sex life, which has become commonplace. Such connections can be both one-time and permanent - depending on the temperament and character of the man and his passion.

• lack of attention from wife : often occurs when a small child appears in the family. Routine and everyday chores quickly tire a man, and his wife gives him less and less wonderful minutes. The man has no choice but to look for love pleasures on the side: in the bed of his mistress, he feels carefree, omnipotent and attractive.

• impossibility to resist : some women are able to make remarkable efforts to drag the man they like into their bed. And if a man is not inherent in stamina, and there are problems in the family, then she can do it quite easily. It happens that it is such a strong woman who subsequently takes a man away from the family.

• "drunk" : one of the most common causes of male and female infidelity. Alcohol dulls conscience and honor, but it can kindle desire and passion. The betrayal that happened due to the fault of the drunk alcohol often leads to nothing, since the man is not interested in continuing his fleeting connection. But if such a relationship dragged on, then everything happened not by chance, and alcohol only pushed the partners who had been looking at each other for a long time.

How to forgive a cheating husband and is it worth it?

There are other reasons that can push a man to cheat, but not in all situations, the most reasonable way out will be a complete break in relations. The solution to the problem must be sought together, not embarrassed to discuss internal family problems.

If in the case of a betrayal a person is driven by his inner feelings, the discomfort that he experiences when he is next to his lawful wife, then the culprit of such a betrayal is not only a man.

A woman, before completely breaking off relations, needs to reconsider her attitude towards her husband, understand what he lacks at home, what does she “not give” to him such that he is offered in abundance “there”?

If it is not possible to solve internal problems at a family council, you can seek advice from an experienced psychologist who will offer options for solving such a problem as adultery.

With a qualified, correct approach, you can not only save the marriage, but also make the relationship more sincere, deep and trusting, learn to appreciate and respect each other even more.

However, not all men are worthy of forgiveness, and the phrase “if you love, you will forgive” is not applicable in all cases.

There are betrayals that cannot be forgiven. If a man cheats on his wife for a long time, doing it practically “in front of her”, bringing his mistress home, settling in a family bed, or starting an affair with his wife’s best friend, it is better to take such a “male” out of your life forever.

Such a betrayal is nothing but a real betrayal, and it will be very difficult for a woman who even recklessly loves her husband to forgive him.

Female betrayal: is it worth it to open up to a man?

To decide on treason, a woman needs a VERY good reason. And the question of whether to tell a man about the fact of her campaign “to the side” or not depends only on what the woman wanted to achieve with her infidelity.

So, TOP reasons for female infidelity :

1. Revenge. If a woman feels that she is being cheated on or knows for sure, she often decides to repay the man in the same coin. At the same time, she pursues the goal of attracting attention to herself and reviving her former passion. Not every woman will dare to make her husband a “cuckold”, moreover, it is not a fact that she will achieve the return of love and affection from her husband. And in her lover, she is often completely disappointed, so quite often, having had enough of new sexual relationships, a woman returns to her husband and loves him with renewed vigor, without telling him about her betrayals, trying to save her family.
   If the husband nevertheless found out about his wife's infidelity and forgave her, she will do everything possible to atone for her guilt.
2. New love. To provoke a woman to treason can suddenly arise feelings for another man. She, of course, may not succumb to delusion and “drive away from herself” a new love, but if the new man turns out to be persistent, even an impregnable fortress can fall.
   In the case of true, mutual love, it makes no sense to hide betrayal from her husband. Often such “trips to the side” lead to the emergence of new alliances, which turn out to be quite happy and durable.
3. Intoxication. Alcoholic or erotic - it doesn’t matter, but it rolls suddenly, like an obsession: as a result, a woman goes for treason. At the moment of infidelity, she is not embarrassed by the consequences, she is in the grip of momentary desire.
   After everything is over, she will most likely realize her mistake, admit her guilt, and never repeat it in the future. In this case, it is better to protect her beloved man from the unpleasant truth.
4. Interest. Women who did not walk up in their youth, but, once married, realized that their husband was not such a chic lover as he dreamed of in his dreams, they decide to try something new and go for treason. Then everything depends on what has been achieved: if the betrayal ends with a stormy romance, passion and real feelings, it simply does not make sense to hide it from her husband.
   However, most often a woman is disappointed in her lover and returns under the wing to her lawful spouse, trying never to remember how interest led her to betrayal.
5. Boredom. Women turn a blind eye to many things: they are able to come to terms with male habits, routine and the role of a housewife. But not everyone can withstand the constant absence of her husband at home. At the same time, many husbands are physically close to their wives, but morally they are outside the access zone.
   Naturally, a woman begins to look for a replacement for her husband: both moral and physical. Having told her husband about her infidelities, she will most likely lose him, and having kept silent, she will leave everything unchanged.
6. Instinct. We've heard a lot about masculine instincts and polygamy, but many women also have a heightened sexuality. Especially during the period of ovulation, in the middle of the menstrual cycle, when their libido rises to the maximum, and the desire to fertilize just rolls over.
   If during this period the beloved husband is not nearby, but there is a “male” who charms the woman with his charm, she can succumb and cheat on her husband. It is during the period of ovulation that most of the female infidelities occur.

Life after betrayal: is it easy to live after forgiveness of betrayal

Infidelity is in any case a family failure, to which, however, not all spouses react in the same way. Opinions about betrayal are different, therefore, any person will look for his own way of how to survive the infidelity of a loved one, and also decide whether to go further through life with him or part forever.

Those who, despite everything, have set themselves the goal of maintaining a relationship, should remember that simply “staying together” is most often not synonymous with family happiness. It is important not only to hush up betrayal and turn a blind eye to it, but to realize its causes and your position in this situation, to believe in the successful continuation of the joint life path, to get rid of resentment and fear of new betrayals. You should not take on the role of a victim: you need to be ready to work on yourself and on relationships within the family, to build mutual trust.

In order to get closer to each other again, you need to sincerely apologize and absolutely sincerely forgive, share the responsibility for damaged relationships equally, not be afraid to take a new step into the common future, be interested in the feelings of a partner and not be afraid to voice your own.

There are many couples who have gone through infidelity, but still stayed together, having come to terms with this fact, or forgiving their couple. Here it would be more appropriate to say that if you have already stayed together, having forgiven your partner for his mistakes, then be so wise that in later life you do not remind him of this unpleasant event and do not reproach him for the deeds of bygone days.

This is what determines selfless love and respect for your soul mate - the most important component of a strong marriage.

Recognition of treason and a statement of the fact of an extramarital affair are two fundamentally different situations in meaning.
In both cases, the betrayal is told in order to involve the other in resolving a difficult crisis situation and to relieve oneself of the burden of mystery and responsibility.

Why confess to treason?

1) When one of the spouses loves his “half”, and the extramarital affair was an accidental misunderstanding, then it’s hard to carry the secret burden of adultery and live under the pressure of guilt. I really want to confess to treason, be honest in my own eyes and get forgiveness.

2) If love for both women lives in the heart at the same time, then the soul simply cannot bear the burden of carrying two loves in itself. Indeed, in relation to each of them, “treason” is committed: at the moment when a man has a mistress - a betrayal of his wife, and when in a family - a betrayal of his mistress. There is a double heaviness. Then the confession of treason sounds like a cry for help: dear, help me cope with the temptation and heal from "love insanity." Release from such a burden, on the one hand, facilitates the situation - it removes the severity of split from the soul, but on the other hand, the situation becomes more complicated, as it requires a decision: to stay in the family and part with the mistress or leave the family for the mistress. in this case has a deeper meaning and more devastating consequences.

3) Often men and women do not want to dissolve the marriage, they just dream of "walking on the side" and at the same time save the family. In the absence of love for your spouse and desire to change the situation, it makes no sense to admit to cheating. In this case, the "traitor" chooses and either "lives in two houses", or constantly has various short-term connections on the side.

4) If one of the spouses decided to leave the family and create a new one, then this is no longer a confession of treason, but a statement of the fact of a change in life: love is changing, another marriage contract is being created and another family. Cheating happens where there is love and the desire to save the marriage. When a decision is made to change life, the person, as it were, announces that he is leaving the old marriage union in order to create a new one.

It happens that it is difficult to decide on the final step - the destruction of the family. Then a confession about a parallel life is necessary in order to shift the responsibility to the second spouse, who will push for a real change in life: he will collect things and put him out the door.

Of course, a confession of infidelity can become a reason for a showdown in order to end some relationship or justify their destruction. If there have been scandals in the family for several years, a lot of grievances, discontent, compromising evidence have accumulated, then confession of treason is a reason to throw out the accumulated.

Women often admit to cheating on demand, without even cheating. It so happens that the interrogation of her husband with prejudice makes a woman confess even to something that actually did not happen, if only to stop the torture and satisfy the desire and curiosity of her husband.

Unlike men's, it can proceed according to a different principle, have different mechanisms and lead to different consequences.

The very fact of adultery cannot be experienced just like that, something must change. After all, betrayal concerns not only the one who cheated and the one who was cheated on, but also all family members and even the social circle.
Will betrayal escalate into a fire in which families are destroyed and children suffer, or is there a way to localize it?

It is pointless to look for answers to all these painful questions from others (relatives and friends) - no one is ready to truly take responsibility for your feelings and your family.
It is much wiser to seek professional help from a psychologist.

Indeed, in any case, changes are already taking place and it is better to do everything possible so that they proceed as painlessly as possible, and you can get out of the situation with minimal losses and make this crisis a point of strengthening the family.

Male betrayal today will not surprise anyone. Moreover, in society there is no sharp condemnation of men for their campaigns on the side. The explanation of their polygamous physiology is most often limited to one phrase “He's a man!”, Which implies permission for treason. And, despite the fact that the betrayal of a husband is one of the most common causes of divorce in the world, most often men's fleeting hobbies are forgiven by their wives.

The attitude in society towards female adultery is the opposite. Since ancient times, a woman was considered a coaster, a keeper of the hearth. Her modesty, fidelity to her husband were considered the most valuable qualities. In some cultures, a wife could be executed for treason, more often a crowd threw stones at a traitor. Today, a woman who cheated on her husband does not expect such a severe punishment. But, if a man's infidelity is justified by nature itself, then female adultery is a complex concept that requires a detailed explanation.

The psychology of female infidelity

The nature of female infidelity can be explained by one phrase from an old anecdote: "It is not difficult to take someone else's wife away, it is difficult to return her back later." Although many wives deny that they can ever cheat on their spouse, in fact, statistics prove the opposite. A woman, unlike a man, is guided not by the physiological needs given to him by nature, but by feelings. Therefore, it is a married woman who is easiest to seduce and fall in love with herself. Against the backdrop of a stagnant relationship with a spouse and a lack of romance, it is very easy to awaken a woman's extinguished feelings. After all, every woman dreams of being loved and desired, and words for her are often more important than actions. Think about why at all times notorious romantics and vagabonds were revered by women more than sensible businessmen? Why do women leave a reliable spouse for a street bully? As already mentioned, women live with feelings, and cheating for them is an action dictated by their emotional sphere. No woman will cheat on her husband just because she liked the biceps or butt of her alleged lover. Among the causes of female infidelity lie deeper roots.

Common causes of female infidelity

So, why does the wife decide to take such a risky step? For many, this is, first of all, a step of desperation, a search for a way out of a situation, a solution to problems. The reasons for the wife's infidelity should be sought only in the family.

• Trying to forget family problems. More than 10 years of marriage pass, the family has children, but there are certain problems that do not make a woman happy in marriage. Young girls are likely to file for divorce, and a woman who has decades of family life behind her will not dare to destroy the created world. Because of my own insecurities, because of my children, because of the fear of change. She will find an outlet in the form of a lover. But over time, this illusion will also be destroyed, a woman will realize that she is deceiving herself, first of all.
• Satisfying your own ego. Psychologists say that an unmarried woman can be distinguished by her look, by a certain gleam in her eyes, an aura emanating from her. Having married, a woman loses these signs and becomes uninteresting for men. And the fact that she is married also repels fans from her. It is in search of male attention and romance that a woman decides to cheat. Moreover, often in such cases, it is she who becomes the initiator of extramarital relations.
• Problems in sexual life. Intimacy plays a big role in family life. But over time, passion dulls, and many couples are overtaken by a crisis. Not trying to find a joint solution to this problem, the spouses find it on the side. Sexual dissatisfaction pushes for treason and wife.
• Women's revenge. Cheating for this reason is a huge mistake. Having learned about her husband's infidelity, the wife, overwhelmed by feelings, under the influence of severe stress, goes for treason. But the result is a spiritual emptiness and, perhaps, even a broken marriage. After all, a man, unlike a woman, is not always ready to forgive betrayal.

• New love. No matter how old a woman is, she constantly needs love and romantic courtship. And, if on her way she meets a seducer who will give her everything, then she, headlong, will rush into the maelstrom of new relationships.
• Frequent separations. Long business trips of the spouse can also serve as a catalyst for the wife's infidelity. In this case, there are a number of reasons that contribute to discord in relationships: lack of attention, suspicion of the husband of infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction.
• First love. As you know, first love leaves the strongest emotional memories in the soul. And if the object of youthful passion (provided that he did not drink too much, did not degrade) meets on the path of a woman, then her memory will excite past memories and the relationship will continue.
• Marriage without love. Unfortunately, such marriages are becoming frequent in society. A childhood friend, by calculation, by flight - it is difficult to surprise with such reasons for getting married.

And another important aspect - a woman cheats not only with her body, but also with her soul. Therefore, if a break with a mistress is easy for a man, then for a woman such a choice is very difficult. And when such a situation occurs, it is very important to stop being guided by feelings, and start acting according to the arguments of the mind.

Signs of a cheating wife

The nature of a woman is such that it is difficult for her to hide the changes that are happening to her. The female powerful emotional sphere is again to blame for everything. Therefore, if the wife did not admit to infidelity herself, which often happens, her husband can find out about her romance by a number of signs:

• the wife hides her phone from her husband, does not talk on the phone with him;
• there were changes in appearance, the wife began to carefully monitor herself;
• a woman has cooled off for sex, constantly finds a reason to evade intimacy;
• the spouse has become emotionally distant;
• she no longer cares about housekeeping;
• absences from home became frequent, the wife also returns late from work;
• any words or actions of the spouse now irritate the woman;
• and the most important sign of infidelity is the appearance of brilliance in the eyes, mystery and riddles.

But no matter what reasons a woman is guided by infidelity, its consequences are, most often, very sad. What does a woman feel after her infidelity?

Most likely, an exorbitant burden of guilt will fall on women's shoulders. Even if the husband never learns about the fact of the committed betrayal, the wife will worry and suffer for a very long time because of what she has done. Because of the fear of condemnation and disclosure of secrets, a woman is unlikely to tell anyone about her act. But in such situations, it is best to speak out, cry on someone's shoulder. Being in this case herself and a lawyer, and a judge, and an executioner, a woman can easily reach a nervous breakdown. And then only a psychologist or a husband who forgave her can help.

The breakup of a family can also be a sad consequence of a wife's infidelity. Although, depending on which side to look at. If the marriage was already bursting at the seams, maybe it's not worth saving? And divorce is the only step to start life from a new leaf. As a rule, men do not forgive adultery. A man understands perfectly well that if his wife cheated on him, then she gave vent to feelings, which means that not only physical, but also spiritual betrayal occurred. This means that his wife does not belong to him. And rarely can a spouse forgive this. Therefore, the consequences of a wife's infidelity for her husband are always so categorical.

Another consequence of the completed adultery is a new relationship and, possibly, a new family. There are many such cases in life. Having met true love, a woman goes to her lover and gets married. In this case, we can say that life after the betrayal has become happier.

Thus, we can conclude that the reasons for adultery on the part of the wife lie in the search for love, warmth, attention and understanding, which she lacks in the family. Change occurs when the relationship has outlived its usefulness. Therefore, in order not to blame yourself for the destruction of the family, you need to do everything to save it before a woman decides to take a desperate step. If in her own husband she sees at the same time a protector, lover, friend, then there will not even be thoughts of betrayal.

Like everything in this life, betrayal comes into a woman's life not by chance. This is not just a betrayal of a partner. This is a desperate attempt of life to get through to you, to interrupt the lazy sleep of your inner world. The psychology of betrayal is a series of nuances that lead to severe pain.

women. Sometimes the very fact of what happened is a complete surprise for her, and sometimes it is only a confirmation of her conclusions from observations and conjectures.

Of course, betrayal is especially hard to endure when it falls like snow on your head. In this case, the comfortable and protected world of a woman, in which she completely trusted her partner, collapses, flying apart.

But life doesn't end there. We need to live on. Trust people and love them.

Tsunami of betrayal

The news of the betrayal of her husband undermines the foundations of trust in the female soul. The integrity of the couple's space is destroyed.

It is very difficult to restore the ability to trust a woman after this. Nothing and never will be in the union as before. This is the line, overstepping which, you can open the relationship in a new way, moving to a new level of their perception, or the connection will completely fade away on the spiritual plane - even if the partners remain to live under the same roof.

But nothing will ever be the same. With what was paired before the betrayal, you have to say goodbye. However, this crisis may become the option when the end is the beginning of a new one.

In anticipation of betrayal

Women always blame the man for everything. But after all, your partner did not come to this decision - to build a relationship with another woman - not suddenly. So there was a fire before that thick and suffocating smoke of defeat appeared.

What can a partner not notice in a life together with a man? What is the psychology of betrayal?

Very often, women emotionally wall themselves off from their partners without seeing it. They push a man out of their space, heart, soul, turning all their attention to work and hobbies or to children and girlfriends.

But it happens otherwise. A woman can become so lost in a man that she eventually loses herself and destroys her own personal boundaries. She literally strangles her partner with her all-consuming attention and love. And then he is forced to look for a breath of freedom on the side. And then another appears ... so tender, but independent ...

Or maybe you just initially chose a man, ... out of habit.

So it turns out that the psychology of betrayal is extremely simple: some men cheat, fleeing from next to their partner; others flee from her stickiness and attachment. Well, Don Juan simply cannot miss a single skirt.

The role of betrayal in the soul of a woman

Like everything in this life, betrayal comes into a woman's life not by chance. It is an indicator of the malaise of your soul.

To restore relationships and her trust after infidelity, a woman will have to take a different look at the very fact of what happened. This is not just a betrayal of your partner. This is a desperate attempt of life to get through to you, to interrupt the lazy sleep of your inner world. And while you see only deceit in treason men you will not be able to heal your inner balance and trust.

Of course, if your partner turns out to be very attentive and delicate, if he asks for your forgiveness, carefully treating your feelings, you will most likely restore your ability to trust ... and become dependent on the behavior of a man.

And if sometime minor waves appear on the surface of the relationship, the woman will again and again plunge into her dramatic experiences of the times of betrayal. It's a vicious circle.

Trust can only be re-formed at a new level! A return to the old life is impossible.

What is needed to jump to another layer of relationships?

Any spiritual transition is associated primarily with spiritual development, as well. You will finally have to admit that a man and his act are a reflection of your expectations and reactions repressed deep into the unconscious. And this means that there is no point in accusing a partner.

When you see the dark that was hidden in your psyche, when you realize how you yourself communicated with other people and how you hurt them, you will understand your man.

The ability to forgive

Try to remember when you behaved in life in the same way as your partner behaved with you. Why did you act like this? What drove you?

So, passing the awareness of your actions through the prism of the soul, you will be able to understand and forgive a man.

Forgiveness will become possible when you see in yourself what you do not like in your husband, what hurts you. By forgiving and accepting yourself, you can reconcile with your partner.

Yes, it's hard. Just like stop blaming your husband for everything. But the restoration of the soul's ability to trust will occur only after deep forgiveness and acceptance of a man.

And do not expect from him a calming and ingratiating behavior. You don't have to expect anything from anyone else. You need to deal with your suffering and shadows by yourself! A man can support you on this path, and no more.

Your husband is your teacher. messenger of karma. He again and again provokes your childhood pain to show itself and show itself on the outside. And the most powerful stimulant of pain is betrayal.

This is your chance to heal internally - only by following the path of spirituality, reflecting on your life, you can restore the ability to trust. And most importantly, take a chance and grow up through it, gaining self-confidence and strength. If you have chosen the path to go into the depths of pain, and not from it, then out of suffering you will feel ANOTHER yourself.
Not emotionally closed and unable to love and trust, but confident and therefore calm, able to love, trust and wait.
Remember that in a relationship, responsibility lies with each partner.

Open up to new opportunities that give you the ability to forgive and understand in order to reach new heights of trust and love in your union.

To understand at what stage your relationship is now, in what state they are, sign up for my.

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey