Loneliness is a real hell on earth, and its worst manifestation is the feeling of internal isolation, even if we are physically surrounded by other people. Many of us are experiencing it right now. Communication is the cure for suffering. We must be ready to fully connect with another person, no matter how bad or good we feel at the moment. As if we are saying to a person: “It doesn’t matter to me whether you are happy or sad, I am with you no matter what.” Give someone that attitude today.

In fact, the process of establishing a connection with anyone is very difficult, but there are specific tips for this. Let's look at them step by step.

Step one. Give the person you want to get close to your unconditional, undivided, and focused attention. When you give someone your unconditional attention, you give them the fullness of your consciousness, the fullness of your presence. This is a mandatory step if you want to get close to someone. However, do not confuse it with aggression. You don't have to force yourself on anyone.

Step two. Show your openness with body language. Smile, turn the body towards the person, make sure that the arms and legs are not crossed. Let the person know that you are open, not closed. Make sure the gestures are inviting, not aggressive.

Step three. Show interest. You will make more friends if you show your interest in others, rather than trying to interest them in your person. Learn more about them. Imagine that you are creating a user manual for a specific person. You must radiate the energy of wanting to get to know the person better, and not get anything from him. If you don't have a genuine interest in the person you want to get close to, don't even try. It is very easy to recognize your sincere feelings, it's just that not all people are straightforward enough to bring you to clean water.

If you don't have a genuine interest in the person you want to get close to, don't even try. It is very easy to recognize your sincere feelings, it's just that not all people are straightforward enough to bring you to clean water.

Step four. Look for intersection points. This immediately builds a connection with other people. This is a great way to get closer to a person whose views and beliefs are very different from your own. For example, let's say you're studying to be an accountant and your friend is studying to be a biologist. Obviously, your interests will be different, but maybe you are both into tennis. Then we'll talk about tennis. Pay attention to the words and actions of a person in order to find common ground with him.

Step five. Aim for candor. This is not superficial communication, this is a story about who you really are. If you're interested in superficial acquaintances, admit that you don't really need to get close to the person. Being honest doesn't mean sex. But sex can be explicit. Frankness is a whole complex. It is possible to single out the root “open” in the word frankness, as if we open up and discover other people, we feel them, we understand them. Frankness involves sharing emotions and thoughts, and, if both people are ready for it, physical intimacy.

Step six. Ask questions. A person who does not want to ask questions is either afraid to get close or literally does not want to. You can learn how to get close to people who are afraid to be honest but want to be, but it will be almost impossible to connect with someone who literally doesn't want to get close to you. Make sure the person you want to get close to also wants to. If you want intimacy, don't waste time trying to convince the person to want to get close to you. Find someone who already wants it.

Ask questions that will reveal to you the rich inner world of a person. Ask about opinions, beliefs, tastes, dreams, fears. You should try to get to know the person for real, as deeply as possible. Questions feel like interference if you ask questions that you yourself don't want to answer. Some people also tend to ask questions just to talk about themselves. It also prevents convergence.

Step seven. When people talk about themselves, accept them completely, do not try to change or convince them. Understand them with your heart, with your eyes, ears, mind. An important part of rapprochement is still leaving room for personal space. This is the responsibility of both. People are afraid to share information about themselves because they are afraid of the consequences. Make sure there are no consequences. Even if you disagree with a person on something, respect their opinion, remind yourself that this opinion arose for some reason. Antagonism kills connection. It is very important for people to know that their emotions are understood.

Step eight. Be the initiator. This is especially true for men. If a man is not the initiator of rapprochement, he seems to change polarity, becoming passive and accepting. We would love to get close to people, but usually we wait for them to come to us. But you need to fight these habits. If we stop waiting and start taking action, we will start going to new places and meeting the people we want to get close to. And this is really the only way to get closer. Almost every person on earth is afraid to speak first. Probably you too.

Step nine. Be honest, sincere and real. Honesty is the main rule of intimacy. A great way to start a relationship is to give a compliment, but it must be sincere. People feel false. They are much more sensitive than we think. You won't be able to impersonate the other person all the time, so if you want to get close to someone, don't try to present yourself only in the best light. Be who you are. Also, let's think about this. If we want sincere intimacy, but show only the ideal version of ourselves, people will be disappointed in us later. They will love the perfect picture, not the real person. This is the road to nowhere. It’s better to be real from the beginning in order to cut off people who will not love you for who you are. Only those who fully accept you will remain.

The worst thing for people is pretense. People feel if you speak and act one way and feel differently.

Step ten. Open up. Allow yourself to be an open book. Openness is emotional generosity. Intimacy will not work if you are stingy with frankness. If you want to get close to someone, let the person get to know you and also get to know them. This may make you vulnerable. Vulnerability is very scary. But we can never get close if we're not brave enough to take risks and be vulnerable. Let's be honest. Our life - disconnected, isolated and alone - gives us a reason to take risks, even if we fail. Isolation is the most painful thing a person can experience.

If you want to open up, understand what you want to hide and why. What are you ashamed of or afraid of? The only reason you want to hide something is for fear of the consequences. Is there really something you should be ashamed of? You can't hide things forever. It is better to tell people the truth right away than to confess later. In addition, you are looking for a person who would like to get close to you for real. The main point of rapprochement is to find someone who wants to be with you for real, good and bad, and not someone who can only love your positive sides. This is love with conditions.

Include people in your life. Tell them about yourself, sometimes even if they don't ask for it. This will help people feel closer to you. Share your passion with the person. Showing passion wins people over and often energizes and inspires them.

Step eleven. Sympathize with people. Find ways to appreciate their world. Appreciate them as individuals. Many consider it a bad idea to allow themselves to share the feelings and emotions of another person. This is not true. It's only a bad idea if you're not ready to feel emotions. Or if you put yourself first. But if you really want to get close, you must be willing to share other people's feelings, knowledge and views. It sounds scary, but this is how you take a step towards rapprochement. You must be willing to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Visualization can help you. Literally imagine yourself as a different person. Do not take their side with your beliefs and points of view, but take their side, imagine that you lived their life, that you have their beliefs, their points of view and their perception of the world.

Please note that sometimes we use the stories people tell us to tell our own stories. We are not interested in what people say, we use their words as an excuse to talk about ourselves. We are more interested in having them hear our stories than in letting them know they have been heard. People begin to feel insignificant, as if you are using them as an audience for your revelations. If you want them to be interested in your experience, be genuinely interested in them. Otherwise, they will be convinced that you do not understand them. Sometimes people do this without a second thought, but it kills intimacy and makes people feel lonely.

Step twelve. Be considerate of the other person. Show your love. Most of us don't show feelings, even if we genuinely like the person. And we expect people to just know that we care about them. Such expectations must be cut short if we are to achieve intimacy. We need to try to remember important dates, remember previous conversations, show that we have studied their tastes enough to give them what they want. You need to spend time with them. You need to feel when a person needs hugs. Make people an important part of your life. It's hard to get close to someone if you don't let them know what he or she means to you. Make sure the people you want to get close to are really important to you. Help if you can. But before helping, ask yourself if you are sending a message with your help that you want to correct and change a person? If not, feel free to help. Or help by letting the person know you don't want to change. It can make a person happier. To learn more about helping others, watch my video "To Help or Not to Help?"

Step thirteen. Practice giving warmth and love to other people. People feel energy. When you try to radiate warmth and love, you are inviting people to intimacy. There is a good way to practice achieving this kind of intimacy.

exercise

As you walk down the street and see random strangers, focus on one of them and think about what you love and appreciate about that person. When you understand this, mentally say to yourself: "I love you for ..." and complete the phrase. Then say to yourself why you like it in a person. And end with "I love you for this." As you say these words, imagine yourself sending energy from your heart, an invisible signal right into that person's heart.

Do this exercise as a silent practice as many times as you can. But it's better to choose five people and really focus on them, to feel your love for them, than to feel weak love for twenty people and only slightly think about what you like about them. The bonus to this exercise is to create a ripple in the collective unconscious. You will be surprised at how your relationships with other people will change. This is the surface part of the deep connection.

In this article, we will talk about how to get close to a person at the beginning of a relationship. The beginning of a relationship can be compared to the foundation of a house. It is during this period that it is determined what the relationship will be like in the future, so it is important to be especially attentive to each other during this period. In the future, it will be almost impossible to change the nature of your relationship.

openness

Openness is a necessary element of rapprochement in a relationship. How many couples broke up because of a simple understatement: none of the partners had the wisdom to openly declare their feelings and desires. However, there must be a healthy balance in everything - excessive openness can also scare your partner away. At the initial stage of the relationship, it should be avoided. Yes, talking about your feelings (namely, about your feelings, without complaining to your partner) is useful, but you should not say everything that you think about your partner. He needs time to begin to feel comfortable in your company. However, at any stage of the relationship, your partner will want to feel comfortable around you, and excessive openness will interfere with this.

Frequent meetings

They say that people quickly get bored with each other and parting is good for them. However, at the stage of relationship inception, it is the frequent presence of a partner in our lives that helps to get closer, get to know a person better and get used to him. Please note that relationships often develop at work, in a student team, on trips. If you met in another place, for example, on, then a common hobby will help you get closer. In summer, it can be ordinary bike rides, or trips to the pool. But you should not “overfeed” your partner with yourself, spending nights away in a cafe for stories about your past life. Such attempts to get closer, rather, on the contrary, will repel. In question " how to get close to a person» There must always be a balance. Remember that if you take too active steps towards your partner, the person’s reaction will be the opposite, that is, he will move away.

Change or change?

As soon as the relationship goes through the first stage of dating, and people get used to each other a little, and begin to behave more naturally, then both partners discover the real image of each other. At that moment, they may realize that they did not know the person who is nearby at all. And perhaps a lot of it wants to change. Often people are under the illusion that by telling a partner about the qualities that you would like to see in him, you will immediately push him to change. In fact, attempts to change something in each other lead to conflicts and partings. The same is true in reverse. If your partner is actively trying to change you, and you are ready to change, just to save the relationship, be prepared for the fact that the victims will be unjustified. And relationships still fall apart. Another thing is that it is simply necessary to make compromises and change your habits in a relationship.

Usually the question of how to make friends with people is asked by a person who enters a new team. Or someone who was not reputed to be a polite person, but decided to transform. It is worth talking about what are the ways to establish contacts and build

New to the team

Absolutely every person, having found a new job, thinks about how he will be received and met by people who have been working at the enterprise for a long time. And this can be understood - some categorically do not like the newcomers. But there are those who love newcomers. Only not because of friendliness, but because they make you feel more experienced and wiser. Yes, and the person himself is embarrassed - he gets to a place where everyone is familiar and they have something in common. But it will immediately become easier if you remember that all those present were once also newcomers.

Step #1: getting to know

At work? At first, you should be as restrained and calm as possible. Performing your duties, do it discreetly. Although the "invisible" tactic is not a way to make friends, it is an effective method to show the rest that the newcomer is not an "upstart".

No need to persistently pester employees with questions, no matter how good the intentions are. It is better to wait until they themselves become interested in a new member of the team. In any case, such a moment will come - many employees will be interested to know who was accepted to a new place. When they ask questions, it is worth answering to the point, without boasting and ambitious intonation, but with an interested look, so as not to seem apathetic and unfriendly.

You should ask a few counter questions to keep the conversation going, inquiring about the positions and achievements of employees. So it will turn out to show your indifference to the new environment and respect. This will be the first step. Next, you can think about how to make friends with people.

Step #2: Showing Yourself in Communication

In the team, people talk on different topics - everyone knows about it. And often do not take into account the work area. Therefore, sooner or later you will have to prove yourself in communication. Unfortunately, there is no universal way that would help make friends with any person, since people are different and so are their tastes. A simple example: some love it when a person often smiles. Others find it stupid and annoying.

How to make friends with a stranger?

This is also an interesting question. It is easier to act if people accidentally met in some social network. There is no embarrassment, embarrassment, and, one might say, the horizons are wider. But this is the problem of modern society. Everyone is sure: "I will easily make friends with kind people." But it's not so easy, because our lives are filled with the Internet, but in reality everything is more complicated. But in fact, it is necessary to act in a similar way. You just have to learn a few rules.

• No need to be persistent and overconfident. Everyone should learn this recommendation, and especially guys who are trying to get acquainted with girls. In general, the above qualities will not please any person. Persistence from a stranger is frightening, alarming, and repulsive.
• When trying to get to know or learn something from someone with whom you managed to establish contact, you need to ask permission. So the interlocutor will understand that the person respects him and does not want to violate his comfort zone.
• And we must also remember that the first impression is very important, and it would be nice to show yourself in the best light.

Topics forbidden for discussion

People are always talking about something. Topics usually come up on their own. But it is important to remember those that are not recommended to be lifted. First, it's a family. Here, for example, is the usual phrase: “Tell me, who is your mom, dad, what do they do? Are there brothers, sisters? She seems neutral. Until it turns out that the opponent's parents died in a car accident. Or that the brother is confined to a wheelchair. It hurts the soul. And each of the interlocutors understands: no one is to blame. The questioner did not know that the opponent had a tragedy, but simply showed interest and friendliness, but awkwardness still appears. Many after such an unpleasant conversation get up and leave. Therefore, the topic of the family is taboo. There is no need to ask whether the interlocutor was married, whether he has children. Religion is also not worth mentioning, as well as politics.

How to position your opponent?

Rapprochement methods

In principle, all the basic tips on how you can make friends with new people were listed above. After friendly contact is more or less established, you can begin to get closer. This is how friends usually appear. The best way to get close is to find something that will unite the counterpart. Often this is a walk or a meeting in a cafe. You can take the initiative into your own hands and offer a hike with an overnight stay in the mountains, for example. After all, it's really great - tents, a fire, baked potatoes and sincere conversations. Maybe not just two, but the whole company.

True, the weather is not always suitable for such events. You can suggest going to a nightclub or a water park. You can have a house party. Usually, after a collective visit to such places, the question of how to make friends with people disappears. Most importantly, joint activities should encourage the disclosure of emotions. Sincerity brings you closer.

A special case

The question of how to make friends with new people is asked by many. But it happens when thoughts of rapprochement with someone overcome an unfriendly person. And when he realized that he had behaved incorrectly towards the others, he became ill and ashamed. Then a person wants to improve, to make friends with the rest. It's difficult, but nothing is impossible.

The surest way to improve relationships is to admit your own guilt. You don't need big words in front of the whole team. Much better - an individual, honest, sincere conversation. The most important thing is to show the opponent that this is really a real desire to improve and improve relations. We must apologize for the offense. And say the main words: “I was (a) wrong (a) and I strongly blame myself for treating you badly. You deserve better."

Having received approval for correction and forgiveness, you do not need to act as if nothing had happened immediately the next day, invite you to cafes, meetings, walks and laugh joyfully. Good relationships should be built slowly. It looks like a quality house - it is assembled in stages, brick by brick. You can start by showing interest in the affairs of the opponent, with questions about life, etc. And as soon as it becomes clear that a second chance has been received, you can already invite to meetings and offer to spend time together.

It's not that hard to find people. The most important thing is sincerity, moderation and goodwill.

Although psychological research has shown that people tend to get along better with people who have similar physical and biological traits to them, it is also possible to make friends with people of very different types. The trick is that for this you need to have a broad outlook, be understanding and sociable. Read this article to learn how to make friends with different groups of people!

Steps

Part 1

Develop your interests. In order to be friends with a wide range of people, you must have a wide range of interests. With a wide range of interests, you'll be more likely to have things in common with more people, making it easier for you to start and maintain conversations, and make connections with more potential for the future. To do this, you can sign up for the choir. Or volunteer at a local hospital. Or start painting in your free time. Or learn to play the guitar. Join the soccer team. If you ever wanted to do something, this would be a good reason to do it.

• Study the character of the people in the company you are trying to befriend. Find out what they have in common. Perhaps it is a joint activity (for example, an English language club, publishing in magazines, playing musical instruments together) or a harmonious balance of personality traits (sociability, friendliness, calmness, and so on)? If you share these similar qualities with the company, then let your interests, personality, whatever come to the fore.

1. Get in the habit of writing down other people's contact information. When it comes to meeting new people, most people get pretty shy. They tend to automatically assume that you are not interested in friendship until you reassure them otherwise. Take a risk, meet people and ask for their phone numbers, Twitter or Instagram usernames, or ask them to be friends on Facebook. Online friendship is the first step to becoming friends in real life.

   • And then when you exchange contact information, you can invite each other to hang out in some nice place or for a simple casual small talk on the Internet. The more you talk to each other, the more comfortable you will be meeting at school or wherever you originally met.

2. Don't wait for invitations, invite yourself. When inviting people to spend time with you, be friendly and active. Also think carefully about where and when you would like to meet. If you want to be friends with everyone, you must join groups and be sensitive to people's habits. Again, people get nervous and shy around new people. They may want to hang out with you but be too timid to ask.

   • Go out frequently so you can hang out with different groups. However, be aware that trying to make friends with everyone can be very time consuming and energy consuming because you must be friendly, sociable and willing to spend a lot of time with people, leaving very little time for your loved ones.
   • Remember that you don't have to be social to be good people; It's okay to be shy and reserved, and still have your own friends. However, if your goal is to make friends with a lot of people, you will have to put all your efforts into this.

3. Accept any invitation. There is a saying that goes like this: "If you stop accepting invitations, you will no longer be invited." And it makes perfect sense; would you continue to invite friends who would refuse you again and again? So, in the process of making new acquaintances (especially at the very beginning), accept all the invitations that you will receive. How else do you think friendship should grow and develop?

   Smile and remember the name of each member of the group. When you have many friends, you will have a lot of information circulating in your head. Is it Hailey who loves rock music? Are Paul and Vin playing lacrosse? When you are around your new friends (or potential new friends) use their names, ask them about themselves what you already know about them and just smile. They will feel special seeing that you remember so many things about them.

   • One of the easiest things you can do to make good friends is to smile and just be happy. Joke, laugh and help the group have a great time. After they realize that you are a cheerful and cheerful person, you will all become friends.

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Friends are the second most important people after family in the life of every person. Some of them become even closer than relatives, and it is with them that they share the most secret secrets and experiences. However, unfortunately, not everyone has such friends and acquaintances. Some are unlucky to meet those who can open their souls and completely trust, while others themselves do not know how to find a common language and maintain relationships. It is difficult to understand how to learn to be friends with others if there is no true desire to open up for this.

It is not an easy task and constant work. After all, in order to have real friends yourself, you must be worthy of it. You can't just take and give nothing in return. In any relationship with other people, it is important to understand what exactly they need, to be able to listen. This is not only a guarantee that you will be surrounded by real friends who are ready to help, but you yourself will be able to call yourself a true comrade.

How to become a worthy friend

Some people have a lot of friends, or at least they seem to. They communicate with everyone, maintain relationships, etc. However, it is hardly possible to be friends with several dozen people; most likely, they are just friends or good acquaintances. It is not enough to go to a nightclub together or talk on the phone occasionally. In order to be close friends, you need a lot of time, patience and constant maintenance of relationships, finding common topics and “common ground”. There are no established norms on how to be friends, it is individual. But there are some simple and effective tips that will help build close relationships with other people and develop them:

• You need to meet with your friends constantly. Communication on the net and on the phone is also not bad, but they can hardly be compared with a live one. In a personal conversation, people share their innermost things more easily, and from this, relationships are strengthened and become closer. For meetings, you need to find any excuse: going to the store together, to the cinema, just for a walk. If you are constantly busy with things, it is worth setting aside a day when you must definitely meet with your buddies.
• Friends do not become fast, it takes time and a lot. Often you have to go through a lot to understand that someone is truly close.
• Every person is pleased when they talk about him or listen to what he tells about himself. Therefore, it is important to be able to listen calmly and support when needed.
• Know how to ask for forgiveness if you are wrong.

These are just some tips, but if you listen to them, you can learn how to make friends correctly. Of course, there are never exactly the same friendships, simply because all people are different and everyone needs a different approach. Therefore, each path to friendship will be different from the previous ones. With someone you will find a common language from the first minutes, and someone will become close years later. The most amazing thing about friendship is that it is impossible to predict after meeting with whom it will start.

It is also important to understand that not all people have the opportunity to make friends, no matter how much you want. There can be several reasons: differences in interests or values ​​in life, different temperaments, and so on. In this case, you should not be upset, you need to look for someone with whom you will feel comfortable, and friendship will not be a heavy burden for you.

Old or new: which friends are more valuable

Some value friends who have been with them since childhood or adolescence. They believe that these relationships are the most proven and closest. Others, on the contrary, think that new friends need to be made, since a person himself is constantly changing and his environment should also be different. This is a controversial question, and only the person who asks it can answer it.

Often, especially young people, do not understand how to be friends at a distance. They leave for another city, for example, to study, and there they find new friends, forgetting those who were close to them before. This can be explained by the fact that the situation, interests and environment are changing. Therefore, past relationships are moved to the background and eventually completely disappear. Friendship needs to be maintained constantly, it does not tolerate long breaks. This requires wisdom and a desire to maintain relationships.

And yet, is it worth it all the time to find new friends, while sacrificing old ones? Friendship with people can be stopped only in the only case if it is dead, if you no longer have anything in common and your paths have diverged so much that you do not find common topics for conversation. In addition, one cannot call close relationships those in which one humiliates or insults the other. This happens too. You can't stay in a relationship if you feel uncomfortable in it.

In all other cases, friendship must be maintained by all means. No matter how far apart you are, you can always show how dear a person is to you: call, suddenly come to visit for a short time, send a package or write a message. All this is not difficult and does not take much time, but it is so important for the development and maintenance of friendly relations. And it doesn’t matter if you know a person for several years or a couple of months. After all, true kinship is determined not only by blood ties.

Some also invite comrades to be godparents of their children or witnesses at a wedding, etc. to maintain friendship. This strengthens their connection with each other, and also increases the number of reasons for meeting. It often happens that the children of such families also become friends over time.

There are no limits in friendship, it can never be such that it is impossible to develop it even more, to become closer. It is important to be able to forgive yourself and admit your guilt. You need to learn to understand the feelings of others, sympathize with them and empathize. And perhaps the most necessary thing is to be transparent to another person, to be able to open your thoughts to him, trust him and believe in his sincerity.