How is life for indecisive people? How to learn to make decisions, prioritize? What about other people's advice?

All the characters of Pierre Richard are extremely indecisive people. Maybe his roles are a reflection of himself?
However, indecision did not prevent Pierre from becoming the most popular actor!

Angela Kharitonova,
practical psychologist.

Where does indecision come from?

The roots of indecision, like any psychological problem, are in childhood. As a rule, indecisive people had an overbearing parent who made all decisions for the child, even if he had already grown up. A person develops “learned helplessness”, he believes that he himself is not capable of anything. Such people often become victims of sects, charlatans, swindlers.

The second version of indecision is also “from childhood”: when parents do not decide anything for the child, but severely punish him for any mistake. A grown child is afraid of committing them all his life. A mistake seems to him something terrible and irreparable. Parents did not explain to the child that “he who does nothing is not mistaken” and “learn from mistakes”. Such people often prefer to really "do nothing" in order to avoid failure.

The third variant of indecision is not “from childhood”. Often a person does not make a decision just because he internally does not want to make any decision. He is so good! Or not making a decision has a hidden benefit. In this case, the decision is made not by the person, but by the circumstances.

How to learn to make decisions

1  Your indecision is the fear of making a mistake. Allow yourself to make mistakes (a mistake is a search for truth), think over a strategy in advance in case of an error.

Example: you like a man, and it seems to you that this is mutual. You decide to invite him over. In case of an error (during the conversation you understand that he is not interested in you), you admit that you heard that he is an intelligent programmer, and just wanted to ask for help with the computer.

2 You are indecisive because decisions have been made for you. Tell yourself once and for all: no one knows better than you about your life. Give up advice. At first it will be scary. You can mentally turn to your guardian angel. And learn to love yourself, your indecision comes from a lack of self-love. Write a plan for your life.

Example: after 3 years i want: get married and give birth to a child, a certain position and wealth, learn English.

To do this, I do...(I enter new cases upon achieving goals in my plan for the day, week, month).

For this I need...(new wardrobe, friends who have many acquaintances, advanced training, find an hour a day of free time).

Psychological Resources(friendliness, the ability to smile, the ability to insist on one's own).

What will I do today, tomorrow after tomorrow...

How do I deal with obstacles...

With such a plan, it is no longer possible to remain indecisive!

3   Hidden benefits are to blame for your indecision. Think and answer the question (3-5 times): why is it convenient/profitable for me not to make decisions? Once you've found a benefit that's holding you back from making a decision, come up with a compromise on how to partially keep the benefit but still make the choice.

Example: I don’t want to get married yet, because I haven’t made a career yet, and the economy and motherhood will put an end to it. How I decide with profit: I agree with my future husband to manage the household equally and postpone the birth of a child for two years.

4  It is not always possible to “negotiate” with a hidden benefit. Often, in order to gain something, you have to lose something. Make a list of pros and cons. Analyze the information (divide the sheet into two columns). Suppose you are invited to work in another city. In the first column, write the positive aspects of this proposal. In the column "against" - all the cons. You will be able to look at the situation from the outside and make a decision.

5  Clearly prioritize your life. There are always things in life for which there is not enough time. We can't do everything, it's not even worth trying. It is important to have a clear idea of ​​your priorities: family, inner world, sports, hobbies. When we need to make a decision, it is worth remembering them. Let's say the boss wants you to work overtime. Money won't hurt, but if family is your number one priority, say no. In such situations, decide once and for all for yourself what is more important for you: family or career, loved one or mother, hobby or work in the country, etc.

6  Don't think about problems, but about opportunities. After the "alternate airfield" is prepared, forget about it. Now think only about the good! Sometimes we become indecisive because our brain is constantly worrying about potential problems. Think better about the possibilities. Focus on how good your decision is and accept it.

7  The concept of “correct decision” is relative. We think that one of the choices is correct, the other is wrong. Sometimes this is misleading. Making the “right” choice can backfire. And the “wrong” choice can lead you to something important. Whatever decision you make is the best one so far!

8 You can't be good for everyone, focus primarily on yourself. Whatever decision you make, there will definitely be someone who will criticize it (in the case of the right decision, it will be similar). Live your mind, do not try to please or please someone.

9  Take advice and do your own thing. If you really want to listen to the opinion of relatives, friends, colleagues, ask them to explain their vision of the situation without giving you instructions. You will hear different options. This will help you come to a final decision. But remember: the best advice is not to listen to advice!

Letter to the topic

“    My problem is that I am a very indecisive person. I suffer for any reason: go to a cafe with friends or not, is it worth getting acquainted with this man or not, buy a new thing or save money? At work, I perform the most routine duties, where there is not even a place for decisiveness. Probably, I am always afraid of making a mistake, and it seems to me that others always know everything better than I do. Because of this, I often fall prey to assertive and self-confident people. How to get rid of indecision? Allah, 33 years old.

Only numbers

23 % people consider themselves absolutely whole and decisive;
11 % people believe that they do not know how to make decisions, they prefer to be made by someone else;
44 % would like to add to their resolve.

By the way
Indecision: benefit or harm?

Sometimes it happens that indecision is good for a person. Until a decision is made, he collects facts, pluses and minuses, includes intuition. And if intuition whispers: "Wait until it's too early ... The right moment will come soon," you need to listen. But if the moment does not come at all, it means that it is not intuition that is talking to you, but fear. If indecision is your constant quality, then it is destructive. There is a proverb: "Fate leads the wise, drags the fool." Life gives us opportunities, a determined person will definitely use them. The indecisive one will miss once, twice, again and again, until life itself "gives him a kick." A kick is not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes a step forward is the result of a kick in the butt. But still it is better to make decisions yourself and on time. Because the fate of far from everyone “drags” them. If you yourself do not decide anything, you will be the executor of the will of other people in life. A puppet, simply. If you do not know what you want from life, the results will be sad.

Dear readers!

Fear and indecision, oddly enough, are traits of thinking and gifted people. They are characterized by doubt and torment. Such people constantly ask themselves questions: “Did I do the right thing?”, “How will the result of my work be evaluated?”, “Where did I go wrong?”. However, this self-doubt is quite possible to overcome.

It often prevents us from showing our best side and being appreciated. At work, such people are put on the backburner, they are poorly considered by acquaintances and colleagues. In your personal life, insecurity can also play a disservice. For example, a guy was embarrassed to meet a girl he liked and missed his happiness.

How to overcome self-doubt? Here are 10 useful tricks.

1. Think less about the impression you make on others.

A person who is overly concerned about the opinions of strangers cannot behave naturally. He is not released by internal tension. The consequence of this is oversights, and unnecessary mistakes, which will make you embarrassed in front of strangers.

2. Don't be afraid to say stupid things.

An insecure person constantly thinks about his words in fear of saying too much or not seeming smart enough. And it would be nice to learn how to translate everything into a joke to defuse the atmosphere. Just remember that others are people just like you.

3. Praise yourself.

The tendency to self-flagellation is a bad helper in life. Constantly practicing, you will not earn anything but neurosis. On the contrary, you need to say to yourself more: “I am great”, “I did a great job with this problem”, “I will succeed”.

4. Remember that no one is immune from mistakes.

As they say: "a negative result is also a result." If something didn’t work out today, it doesn’t mean that you are a worthless and mediocre person. And only the one who lies in front of the TV and does nothing is not mistaken.

5. Realize that everyone has the right to happiness.

The sun shines equally for everyone. And you are no worse than many others. Therefore, you have the same right to enjoy all the blessings of life as the rest. In addition, everyone has their own happiness. If you can overcome self-doubt, this will be a very big step towards a happy life.

6. Don't envy successful people.

We tend to see the finished result. And no one thinks how a person went to this result, what difficulties he overcame until he achieved what he has. It must be remembered that even the most famous and most of them started small: with non-prestigious professions and hard work.

7. Do something you've never done before.

For example, jump with a parachute or conquer even a small one. This will significantly increase your self-esteem, give you an incentive to new achievements and help you look at yourself from a new perspective.

8. Know how to relax in any situation.

If you feel that at important moments in your life (at an interview, speaking to the public) you cannot control yourself and worry until your knees tremble, learn to manage your emotions. To master this skill, you need to practice. There are a number of special psychological techniques for this. And which one to choose for yourself is up to you. One of the simple options is to abstract, to imagine yourself in a different, most comfortable situation for yourself.

9. Increase the level of your own competence.

To be in one's place, to be a good specialist at work - this, one might say, is one of the foundations of a self-confident person. If colleagues start to turn to you for advice or help, know that you are on the right track.

10. Try to analyze your own personality.

Self-analysis is a good way to. And most of our fears and mistakes are rooted in a misconception about ourselves.

To overcome your insecurities, you need to get to know yourself again, accept yourself for who you are, and fall in love with all the advantages and disadvantages. After all, there is no other like it in the whole world.

03/17/2017 at 08:16

Hello dear friends!

We do not make all decisions easily, efficiently and quickly. It so happens that finding the answer in your head becomes an impossible task! A person begins to dissemble, get nervous, avoid direct answers in the form of the words “Yes!” or not!". I think everyone is familiar with a similar situation in life.

But such manifestations of indecision significantly spoil the nerves of the owner, save him from the joy of days and create problems both at work and in the abyss of personal relationships with the opposite sex.

Therefore, I would like to devote today's material to the process of getting rid of addiction to delay the answer and decision. I have collected as many as 15 reasons why you absolutely need to say goodbye to the timidity of the definition in the question and, finally, put a weighty point of certainty!

Indecision is the lack of confidence in the correctness of the decision and in one's own abilities. This is a psychological problem that appears due to an incorrect worldview. And the very moment of choice is not always tied to heartbreaking events in life or difficulties.Sometimes a person cannot decide what he will eat for dinner or what wallpaper he wants to put on the screen of his own laptop?

Then the most interesting thing happens - often, not simple questions are solved for such individuals - other people! At what it is not necessarily close, mom, dad or beloved wife. It can be a boss, a trusted friend, or a program on your phone. There is no aisle for ideas, and there is already an extra responsibility that puts a person on the shoulders, solemnly takes over by another earthling, rendering a disservice!

Naturally, accepting another person’s choice relieves an excruciating headache, but there comes a time when there is no opportunity to get out and the individual has to stay, take the reins of government into your own hands and steer along the route.

It is at this moment that the realization of the fact comes that it is time to decide something with indecision, which occupied the brain as deeply and persistently as possible, blocking any attempts to express independence and power in choosing the sauce for the salad!

The main way to overcome bouts of indecision is to switch from thinking to productive action. But it is important to understand the motives that can push you to change. So, what are the reasons for rejection and what can help?

How to make it easier for yourself?

• Ask yourself what are you risking?
• be sure to provide option "B" if you are worried that the planned risk does not work;
• often use the rule of analysis "for" and "against";
• resort to the help of affirmations and be guided by logical, critical thinking, and not the pressure of emotions;
• use optimism, not despondency;
• If in doubt or undecided about a difficult issue in a job or relationship, don't be afraid to spend more time doing inquiries, additional reading, or talking to an expert on the issue. I also advise you to rely on intuition.

Reasons for deliverance or "traps of indecision"

1. Euphoria of prospects

It is very difficult to decide on a verdict when there are 10 options for solving a problem, and each of them deserves a place to be! For example, if there are only two options: “To be or not to be?”, then it is somehow easier for us to decide on the most optimal one and not rack our brains over making the best decision.

That is, if you have many options, you will spend more time calculating the confluence of circumstances and risks. And the more you think, the more likely you are to change the initial input to the problem.

In order to say goodbye to indecision, you need to learn how to quickly analyze the ways to get out of the situation that come to hand, by separating the strengths and weaknesses of the proposal.

2. Experience again!

Doubts It's part of human nature. Rather, we have this quality. This happens because in the present tense we provoke the negative experience of previous accomplishments to the question, and this significantly spoils the picture, adding a fly in the ointment to it. It seems that the habit of remembering the past is already being transformed into vice!

Don't be quick to get angry with yourself if you've ever made a miscalculation because you didn't follow through on the consequences, it has made you more careful and prudent. This time, remember the past mistake, but try not to delay the decision because of the wounds received in the battle of the past.

3. Comfort zone

Until a decision is made, your comfort zone rejoices, because nothing will change. And as soon as you say your word, then some aspects still have to be replayed, and this is always alarming.

It is for this reason that people are categorically afraid to decide, because this will entail changes.

Do not move the procedure in time, in any case, the changes will not be able to harm you and disfigure the alignment of your life. Going beyond your comfort zone, you will feel free and, most importantly, make sure that life is not scary, and any question can be corrected.

4. Perfectionism and perfection

Sometimes people hope to find the optimal springboard for accomplishments. But the trap is that you can spend your whole life waiting for a miracle that will not happen.

Therefore, do not expect optimal conditions for work, marriage, the birth of a child, or hiking in the mountains. Just do it, and the Universe will help you with this! Perfectionism is not always productive!

5. Negative consequences

It so happens that regardless of our choice, the consequences will not be pleasant. The person is aware of this, so he delays the conclusion in every possible way and puts even more effort into postponing the matter.

But because of the waste of time, the result will not change. You will exhaust your nerves, and what remains under the fraction line will also carry an undesired result. The question is: what exactly do you win?

6. Lamenting the money spent

Let's say you made a choice, and he, a traitor, turned out to be wrong. What happens to the individual?

Yes, she begins to regret it, succumb to panic attacks and procrastinate about the need to re-decide on the choice, which also risks not being ideal!

It's all about wasted time, money and, of course, energy. For example, you arrived at the resort, and the room and conditions turned out to be bad. But the money and effort that were invested in the arrangement of the rest do not allow you to leave. So isn't this a reason to relax and find positive aspects in the event?

7. People

It is very difficult to make a choice between people. Especially dangerous are ultimatums that occur in the context of relationships and friendship. Often women complain about the behavior of their husbands and the time they devote to male company. This situation drastically complicates the choice that you are faced with.

Evaluate the consequences of each solution and place your bet based on personal, emotional priorities. And sometimes talking or adjusting the distribution of priorities or time, simplifies the complexity.

8. Fears and phobias

Fear of the future, and especially for no reason, can undermine self-confidence and nullify attempts to change life. And what if it doesn’t work out, and what if it works out, but not in the way you would like?

Phobias of various directions, real or illusory, may not be important for someone, but not for their owner.And there is no advice here... Until a person decides to give up fears and does not realize the range of their influences on the inner and outer world, then any recommendations are meaningless.

9. Shifting Responsibility

Sometimes parents instill in the individual this kind of conniving attitude towards events in life. And all because they were always on the hook and solved for him any whim, complexity or process of entering a university.

As long as relatives or relatives will fully implement the planned with their own hands, as long as this vicious circle of interception of responsibility will be whole. But then - do not be surprised why this happens! Divide responsibilities, learn to let kids grow up and make mistakes!

10. Self-doubt

Uncertainty in itself does not allow to achieve success in the chosen field of activity, to make acquaintances and, in general, to enjoy life. Each time a person finds a reason to doubt the correctness of the choice, which is why he never pleases him.

Remember where you are the best of the players! Build a leader board and give yourself sincere compliments at least 10 times a day!

11. Someone else's opinion

Someone else's opinion can play a decisive role in making a decision. But this is not correct at the very beginning of the approach. Thus, a person spits on his own desires, experience and needs, putting other people's priorities above his own.

How to get rid from such influence? It's very simple - learn not to tell anyone about your goals and take words as a point of view, no more! Only in this way will you learn to live with your head, listen to intuition and reap the fruits of your choice.

12. Lack of example and purpose

It is very difficult to make decisions when a benchmark or a worthy example simply does not exist.

How to make decisions in that case, you ask?I will say this, your main task and deep motivation is to use creative ways of implementation, to reach your main goal. If there is none, then the first thing you need to do is find the treasure. And then, all ways to resolve the issue will become frankly transparent and logical for you.

13. No support

When there is no one around, it's difficult. Find a friend or comrade for yourself who knows how to enjoy life and charge with positive.It is not necessary to tell him about your sorrows or problems. Sometimes an abstract conversation on another topic or voicing someone else's experience helps to realize what is the right thing to do in your version of the event?

14. Procrastination

Procrastination is the habit of putting off going to the doctor, going out into the countryside, meeting a friend, or looking for a job. This is a big problem that grows to epic proportions with time and age. What to do?

Start small and don't think about accumulated shortcomings. Make a list of planned tasks and break them into smaller sub-items that are easier to implement. Indecision always cooperates with this point, because it plays on the habitual way of thinking, namely, putting it off until later.

15. Loss of interest in life

Why make decisions if they are meaningless anyway? This is how an individual can think, in which the light in the eyes has gone out.

To wake yourself up, you need to understand the root cause of feeling unwell and eliminate options for psychosis, depression, or lack of motivation.And then - the main thing is to force yourself to approach the issue of changes reasonably.

Suddenly, this choice will become a new coil in your reality. Just try to paint it and enjoy the feeling of new life and fresh air nearby.

On this point!

Subscribe to updates and share your thoughts on this! Perhaps you have other reasons to overcome an indecisive attitude towards life?

See you on the blog, bye bye!

10 chose

Remember the old joke when the orange sorter complained that he had a very stressful job because constantly having to make decisions? Jokes are jokes, but many people really have a hard time even with the simplest solutions: what to wear tonight or what to cook for dinner. And really important problems drive them into real stress. And to avoid it such people sometimes prefer not to choose anything at all and go with the flow, leaving the choice to fate. And it's not always the best... Let's figure out how to make decisions without stress.

Balanced Approach

When you have to choose from multiple options, each solution has its pros and cons. The horror of choice disappears as soon as you realize them. Make a list with the pros and cons of each option, compare them and calmly choose the best one.

Real and imaginary desires

But it often happens that a person has weighed all the pros and cons, found the best option, but is in no hurry to choose it. Moreover, the prospect of a seemingly obvious choice plunges him into even more stress.

This may be due to the fact that desires that a person considers his own, in fact, not his, but imposed -family, community, friends. For example, logic dictates inexorably that you need to accept a new job offer with new responsibilities and a better salary, and at the same time, the heart dreams of staying on the old one, which makes it possible to spend more time with the family.

Or, let's say, a young man proposes to a girl - they have been together for a long time, her friends like him, and her parents have long been saying that it is time for her to get married. Of course you have to agree? And if the girl actually fell out of love with this person, only she cannot admit it to herself - partly due to the pressure of external factors.

In general, in situations where the choice seems obvious, and you absolutely do not want to make it, think about what you really want. There is nothing wrong with the fact that your desires differ from the opinions of others. In the end, you live with them, not advisers.

Conquer fear

Another factor that prevents you from making the right choice is fear. I want to quit my job, but I'm afraid to lose stability. I want to part with a man, but I'm afraid to be alone. These fears can keep us from doing what we want for the rest of our lives.

Usually people are afraid of the unknown. And once you look the problem in the eye, it no longer looks so scary. Therefore, to get rid of fear, carefully imagine the saddest possible consequences of your decision. After that, think about how you will act if they really come. After mature reflection, you will most likely realize that you will cope with all the difficulties, and there is nothing truly terrible in your choice.

Let's trust fate?

To be honest, my assistant in making difficult decisions often becomes "automated-decision-maker" or an ordinary coin. All you have to do is choose heads-tails, toss and ...

Well, no, do you really think that I really trust some coin to make the choice for me? Just this is a good test for your own desires. If you do not like the answer of the coin, you will flip it anyway. Although then you don’t need to throw anything anymore - and it’s clear what you want.

Do you find it difficult to make decisions? How do you approach them? Tell us about the most difficult decisions in your life.