No matter how hard we try, sometimes it is difficult for us to avoid negative emotions. Or maybe it’s not necessary? What to do with them and how to deal with them? This is what we are talking about today.

Negative emotions can lurk around every corner. There are times when you feel like you're about to explode or lash out at someone else, or when every little thing can irritate you. But negative emotions are not limited to anger and irritation: fear, envy, despondency - this is not the whole spectrum. So how to deal with emotions so as not to harm yourself or your interlocutor? How to curb yourself? Let's take a closer look at possible options for working with negativity.

How to get rid of negative emotions?

Accept your emotions. Unfortunately, from childhood we are often taught that we cannot experience negative emotions, we cannot cry and “give up,” we are condemned for showing so-called “wrong” emotions, and as we grow up, we learn to block them. However, it is very important to understand that emotions are a kind of signal from your psyche, a response to the environment and external stimuli. Therefore, it is necessary to accept the fact that you should not subjectively divide them into good and bad. This is useful information that you need to learn to read. Don’t scold or reproach yourself for them, because in this way you only increase the amount of negative experience you experience, going in circles. Allow yourself to experience them, don't try to get rid of them. This does not mean that when you feel angry towards an unpleasant person, you can give free rein to your emotions and attack him, no. This means the fact of accepting these emotions. Are you choked by tears, but you can’t afford them because “men don’t cry” or “you need to be strong/strong”? Nothing like this. Give vent to the negativity. It's no secret that after crying, a person really feels better.

How to throw out negative emotions

Are you experiencing severe anger or irritation? Offense from misunderstanding? Often in such situations we have a strong desire to throw something against the wall, breaking it into pieces, or scatter things, making a real mess. You can give vent to such negativity, but it is not at all necessary to do all of the above.

Redirect your energy and negative emotions into another, more useful direction. For example, you can “blow off steam” in the gym. Sport allows many people to cope with negative emotions, because in addition to the fact that it is an excellent and very useful way to give emotions an outlet, also during sports, endorphins are produced in our body - hormones of happiness. A great way to cheer up, isn't it?

And on top of that, in big cities today you can find excellent services for those who want to vent their anger - dish breaking services. Therefore, if you still want to smash something into pieces, think about this option.

Another possible option for “redirecting” emotions in another direction is humor. A complete reconfiguration of emotions to laughter, which, like playing sports, also contributes to the production of endorphins in our body, which means it will also make you a little happier. You've probably seen, if not in real life, then in movies, that people tend to suddenly burst out laughing in difficult and sometimes hopeless circumstances, and for good reason.

Experiencing negative emotions

You can also try a completely different way to eliminate negative emotions. Try to take advantage of the situation that caused such an emotional reaction in you, perceive it as a new experience gained. Are you angry at your friend for being late? But you have a couple of extra minutes to breathe in the fresh spring air or admire the world around you, and maybe you’ll have time to finish reading the last couple of pages of the book and won’t have to put it off until later. Are you offended by your partner because he doesn’t want to go to a noisy party with you, but prefers to stay at home? It doesn’t matter, think about how many opportunities you have to spend time alone with your loved one. There are always many opportunities, in any situation, just try not to be led by your negative emotions. As soon as you see the benefits in the current situation, negative emotions will dissolve on their own.

And if everything is quite easy with acceptance, then with understanding them it is much more difficult. When experiencing negativity, try to figure it out by asking yourself the right questions, where did this negativity come from and why? When you're angry at a friend for being late for a meeting, think about whether you're actually angry because you can't control the situation? It is very important to understand what causes you to experience negative emotions, because with an understanding of the reasons comes an understanding of what to do next. For example, in the same situation with a friend who is late, you will have a choice: should you be angry and offended at the person for not fitting into your ideal picture of the day? The choice is yours.

In addition to the above, there is another possible option for working with negative emotions, and this option will probably require more of your effort. Take action. Having understood the cause and nature of your negative emotions, you can actively work with them. So, even after understanding the true reason for your irritation towards your delayed friend, try to talk to him, explain how this situation affects you. Or perhaps you are offended by your husband/wife because he/she devotes little time and attention to you? Try to talk to the person, use dialogue to explain the situation to your partner and talk about what exactly offends you. Together, you can probably solve this problem, and with the solution of the problem, negative emotions will go away. Of course, quietly being offended, accumulating resentment and other negativity, is much easier than finding the strength to have a frank conversation, and often we deliberately prefer to remain captive of negative, but such familiar emotions.

As you can see, there are different ways to deal with negative emotions. You can give them a way out, redirect them in a different direction, work through them or the current situation, but the main thing that you need to learn for the future is that there are no bad emotions, and that it is normal to experience negative emotions, because you are alive Human.

The hardest thing is to hold back strong negative emotions, not allowing yourself to discharge. It has long been known that reserved people who hide their feelings from others are susceptible to diseases such as stroke and heart attack. Those who splash out their emotions on others at every opportunity save their cardiovascular system. Only at the expense of the nervous system of others. How can one learn to give vent to emotions without causing harm to others?

There is a proven way to discharge - tears. They are the healing response to the human body that brings temporary relief. If you are embarrassed to cry in public, then there is no need to be ashamed of tears in front of yourself. Cry more often, and more until this need passes.

Having a conversation partner is a proven way to get rid of negative emotions. Tell a friend or loved one what is happening to you.

There is a special technique: you talk about failures, unfair treatment of others towards you, etc., first to a loved one (spouse, mother), then to a neighbor, friend, girlfriend, anyone who agrees to listen to you. The intensity of emotions will decrease each time. And if at first you told the story tearfully and your voice broke from sobs, in the end you will tell the same event more calmly.

If you haven’t found an interlocutor, then perhaps a psychotherapist or psychologist will do.

A real-life example: I once chose tours to the USA, spent a long time selecting the program, accommodation and hotels, excursions. This was supposed to be my best vacation ever - a month of exciting travel around the United States. But for unknown reasons, my vacation was canceled - and all my prepayments for all tourist services, air travel were burned, my visa was burned... My grief knew no bounds, I was angry, nervous, subconsciously and sometimes even consciously spoiled my work - and even got sick from the negativity, which “corroded” my soul. In the end, my friends sent me to a psychologist, the person referred me, helped me free myself from anger both at my boss and at work. Then I simply changed my job, planned a tour to the USA again and spent an unforgettable vacation. Everything was fine, but we just needed to talk!

A chance meeting with a friend of our youth whom we had long lost sight of; emergency situation on the road; speaking in front of an unfamiliar audience; the long-awaited first “mom” or “dad” from the lips of a child - many events daily awaken our emotions. We are embarrassed by them, afraid to look ridiculous from the outside, we restrain ourselves and think that we control them. And yet emotions get the better of us every now and then.

Double standards

Perhaps the fact is that we grew up in a society where the ability to control our feelings - “master ourselves” - has always been considered a virtue. Self-control, like a vigilant guard, constantly reminds us: it is indecent to behave too emotionally, you cannot openly show your anger, you need to hide your fear, restrain your excitement and even joy.

Any strong emotional reaction may seem inappropriate, funny, even obscene and be perceived as a manifestation of our weakness.

There are not many exceptions: this is joy or anxiety experienced simultaneously by many people who find themselves in certain circumstances. So, it is natural to shout and chant slogans together at a football stadium or to empathize together in front of a television screen on which a tsunami wave is sweeping away a peaceful beach. But, let’s say, dancing in the office on the occasion of a promotion is, to put it mildly, not accepted - just as openly experiencing one’s grief is not accepted.

Strict self-control creates a certain psychological comfort for us: ritualized manifestations of emotions somewhat soften the state of affect (strong short-term emotional experience) and regulate it. But at the same time, self-control causes frustration, creating a dangerous gap between how we feel and how we behave.

Thanks to emotions, we express our true self and become clearer to other people. We also need emotions to survive.

Those whose own emotionality interferes with their lives sometimes try to “drown out” it with the help of a miracle pill. Many people blame their own parents, who raised them “wrongly,” for what they think is their excessive sensitivity. But both do not know or forget how important the manifestation of emotions is for our lives. Thanks to them, we express our true “I” and become clearer to other people. Moreover, emotions are essential for our survival.

In this sense, by suppressing our emotions, we literally put ourselves at risk, because each of them plays its own special role.

Fear tells us about real or imagined danger. It captures what is meaningful to our lives at the moment. Fear not only receives information, but also gives commands to the body: it directs blood to the legs, if you should run, or to the head, if you need to think. Typically, fear mobilizes our energy, although sometimes its effect is the opposite: it paralyzes us while we decide how to act in a particular situation.

Anger sometimes confused with the violence it can provoke. Typically, this feeling comes over a person when he suspects that he is not being taken seriously (and some people live with this feeling all the time). But anger can also be useful: it causes the release of hormones (including adrenaline) into the blood, and they, in turn, provide a powerful surge of energy. And then we feel our strength, we feel courage and self-confidence. In addition, anger indicates to us that we have reached a point beyond which we can no longer control ourselves - in a sense, it replaces the manifestation of violence.

Joy acts like a magnet: it attracts others and helps them share their feelings. It is also known that smiling and laughter have a healing effect, strengthening the body's immune defense

Grief helps to withdraw into oneself in order to survive the loss (of a loved one, some qualities in oneself, material objects...) and return the energy of life. It allows you to “overcome yourself,” adapt to the loss and re-find the lost meaning of what is happening. In addition, the experience of grief evokes the sympathy and attention of other people - and we feel more protected.

Joy- the most desired emotion. It is she who releases the maximum amount of energy, stimulating the release of pleasure hormones. We feel confidence, self-worth, freedom, we feel that we love and are loved. Joy acts like a magnet: it attracts others to us and helps us share our feelings. It is also known that smiling and laughter have a healing effect, strengthening the body's immune defense.

Mind and Feelings

Another important benefit of emotions is that they make us smarter. For a long time, science in some sense devalued them, placing them below the thinking mind. Indeed, from the point of view of evolution, emotions were born in the depths of the “pre-human” archaic mind and are closely related to the instinctive behavior of animals. New sections of the cerebral cortex, which, in particular, are responsible for the processes of conscious thinking, appeared much later.

But today it is known that reason does not exist in its pure form - it is nourished by emotions. American neurologist Antonio Damasio proved that cognition that is not accompanied by emotions turns out to be fruitless, and an emotionally cold person is not able, for example, to learn lessons from his mistakes. It is interesting that children and adults learn and remember something new only against the backdrop of a positive and sufficiently strong emotional impulse, which, figuratively speaking, opens the door to a new area of ​​neural connections.

In a professional environment, the most successful are not specialists with multiple diplomas, but those who are able to analyze their feelings and manage both their own and others’ emotions

Perception also does not exist without emotions. Every word we perceive, every gesture, smell, taste, image is immediately “interpreted” by our senses. Without emotions, we would turn into automata and lead a rather colorless existence.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman introduced the concept of “emotional intelligence” into scientific use. He concluded that our personal success depends less on IQ, a measure of intellectual development, and more on our emotional quotient (EQ).

Based on experimental data, he proved that in a professional environment, the most successful are not specialists with many diplomas, but those who possess valuable human qualities - the ability to analyze their feelings and manage both their own and others' emotions.

When such people, for example, ask for help in solving some problem, those around them readily respond, while “emotionally disabled” (with low EQ) can wait several days for an answer to their request...

Voice of the unconscious

Emotions tell us vital information about ourselves or what we are dealing with, and therefore we should trust them, listen to them and rely on them. At first glance, it seems that such an existential position contradicts the personal experience of many of us: more than once we have made mistakes in following our feelings.

The greatest German philosopher Max Scheler explained this contradiction by the existence of two types of sensations. On the one hand, there are contact sensations that act like the mechanism of touch.

When we experience joy, we feel better, can relax, worry less, and therefore are able to experience “more life.” If something upsets or makes us angry, we almost physically feel that our health, energy, “part of life,” is being taken away from us. Contact feelings convey important information about the existential significance of what is happening for my health, my vitality. But one should not rely on such feelings (often coming from childhood) when making decisions; it is important to be able to set them aside and put them out of brackets.

If you look back at your life, you will probably notice that all the most important and correct decisions in it were made relying on instinct: rational explanations usually come later

Another type of sensation is distant. They are not directly related to our current state, but they capture something very significant about another person. This is a well-known intuitive feeling. It is this that prompts us to ask a loved one: “Did something happen to you?” Or he says: “We urgently need to call home!”

We are not taught to listen to distant feelings, but they are the ones that allow us to instantly assess the atmosphere in a group of people and form an impression about the interlocutor or the situation. If you look back at your life, you will probably notice that all the most important and correct decisions in it were made by relying on instinct: rational explanations usually come later.

Trust in your emotions can and should be cultivated and trained. It is only important not to confuse contact feelings, which report about us personally, with distant feelings, which talk about another person.

High voltages

When the strength of the experience is too great, our psychological defense mechanisms turn on - and we no longer feel anything. Depression, apathy, stupor - this is how it looks from the outside, but from the inside a person simply no longer hurts, as during anesthesia. We transform suppressed (“forgotten”) emotions into bodily sensations, erasing the relationship between the emotional experience and what caused it.

Sometimes emotions take on the appearance of their opposite. Sadness is sometimes expressed as euphoric excitement; joy is in tears; sometimes we can laugh out loud - as long as despair does not crush us. Psychological defense mechanisms drain our mental and physical strength and almost always turn out to be ineffective: at some point, true feelings break through and overwhelm us.

Those who successfully hide their emotions are also susceptible to their pressure. You can fake laughter, play anger, lie about your true feelings, but it’s still impossible to pretend forever: sooner or later they will come out. So it’s better to be able to accept them as they are.

Are you quick-tempered or hypersensitive, complex or paralyzed by fear... Try to learn a few simple exercises that will help harmonize your emotions.

You have a complex

You hold back, not allowing yourself to express either anger or joy... There is a motive for your behavior that is not easy for you to admit. The solution is to “let go” of yourself, to free your feelings.

Try to express your feelings with gestures

Words are important, but 90% of our emotions are expressed through facial expressions and the body. A smile, posture, gestures - even a simple shrug says more about our attitude to what is happening than long speeches...

Acknowledge the existence of emotions

If a child is afraid of wolves, it is useless to convince him that they are not found in our forests. Accepting his feelings, parents may ask, “What can I do to calm you down?” There is no shame in being afraid, there is no need to be ashamed of fears.

None of our emotions are dangerous; they are our allies, from whom we should not constantly expect a dirty trick.

Keep a diary

You're paralyzed by fear

The higher the “stakes” (that is, the greater the loss if you lose and the greater the reward if you win), the more you panic. You are so afraid of failure that you mentally imagine the most catastrophic scenarios and you give up. The solution is to master your feelings and overcome the “paralysis” of the will.

Who is the person who frightens you like? Maybe the teacher who tormented you as a child, or the neighbor who did not give you access? Every stressful situation awakens in us a memory of one we experienced in the past, often in the first six years of life. And the feeling of fear that we could not overcome returns to us again.

Breathe correctly

Focus on your breathing: lengthen your exhalations and shorten your inhales to neutralize your internal sensations.

Remember your successes

About, for example, how you passed an exam brilliantly or won a tennis set against a friend. By drawing on past successes and the feelings of pleasure associated with them, you can overcome the desire to see catastrophic scenarios of events that have not yet happened.

Prepare for the test

Consider the possible options for the event, determine what you want to achieve in any case, and what you can give in... This will help you better control your emotions.

Look at your interlocutor, but not directly in the eyes, but at a point between them

You will be able to focus on what you say, and not on what you read in his eyes...

You have a short temper

The solution is to learn to control your feelings and manage a conflict situation.

Don't accumulate complaints

The more you accumulate them in yourself, the more you risk breaking down. By speaking up about your grievances, you help yourself avoid an outburst of unbridled anger.

Learn to express your feelings clearly

Name the feeling that bothers you. Without complaining or blaming, say openly: “I’m having problems at work, I’m stressed out and don’t know what to do.”

Take breaks

The brain needs time to make a decision and take control of the situation. Relax your solar plexus by taking a deep breath, hold it for a few seconds, exhale and wait before inhaling again. Close your eyes for 2-3 seconds from time to time: turning off visual signals reduces stress.

American psychotherapist Haim Ginott advises constructing your statements according to the scheme: “When you did X, I felt Y, and at that moment I wanted you to do Z.” For example: “When you reproached me for being late, I felt guilty. It would be better if you hugged me instead of scolding me.”

Give a helping hand

Before responding to aggression with aggression, ask the “aggressor”: “Is there anything wrong with you?” Or offer him a truce: “I’m starting to get nervous, let’s take a break and cool down.”

You are hypersensitive

You react sharply to both criticism and compliments. The solution is to establish balanced relationships with people.

Don't focus on yourself

You worry excessively about what others think of you. Try to “move away” a little from yourself and show empathy (empathy). Learn to put yourself in another person's shoes. What is he thinking about? What is he worried about? This change in perspective helps change the relationship strategy.

Don't strive to be loved by everyone

Sometimes it’s worth taking a risk and agreeing that your actions will not please someone and will make life difficult for others. It is impossible to avoid manifestations of rivalry, antipathy, and incompatibility of characters. The more clearly you understand this, the easier it will be for you to accept it, and the harder it will be for others to deceive you.

Try to find trigger situations

Make a list of situations in which you are especially vulnerable and words that provoke your inappropriate behavior. When you encounter them again, you will be able to recognize them and not get confused.

Avoid categorical forecasts

Addressing yourself in a commanding tone (“I have to make a career!”) or a minor tone (“I’ll probably live my whole life alone…”) is not good for you: you feel the weight of guilt for your troubles, and this weakens your vitality and does not allow you to tune in to victory.

In this article you will get 6 simple ways from a psychologist on how to control anger and aggression. But if emotions are constantly restrained, sooner or later they can result in illness or depression. Therefore, at the end of the article you will learn how to safely express aggression without offending your interlocutor.

How to control anger and aggression - 6 ways

Sometimes in life we ​​are faced with a situation in which, for one reason or another, we do not allow ourselves to be aggressive. Or we allow it, but then regret it. For example, we are angry with our boss or client, but we cannot take this anger out on him, because then we risk losing our job. A mother can be angry with a child, and a husband can be angry with his wife. If we value this relationship, it is better not to show verbal or, especially, physical aggression, and try to restrain ourselves. So how to deal with aggression? I present to you six ways to control anger and aggression:

Method #1: Timeout

Take a time out. If you experience aggression as a result of a conversation with a client on the phone, just go out after the conversation, get some air, think about something pleasant, pour yourself some tea, and your brain will immediately calm down and let go of the situation. If the aggression arose due to, for example, a domestic conflict, you can do the same. Warn your interlocutor that you need to leave, and when you return, you can calmly and measuredly end the conversation.

Method #2: Swap places

Put yourself in your opponent's shoes. At that very moment when anger seems to fill your entire body and wants to burst out, mentally switch places with it. Mentally put yourself in his place and answer the questions: Why did he say that now? How does he feel at this moment? Maybe he is also angry or offended? Or did you simply not understand me? Or maybe I need to convey my thoughts more clearly?

This method will help you calm down. In addition, you will probably be able to look at the situation from a different point of view and be able to resolve the resulting conflict. If you are worried about conflicts with your husband or wife, read this. It talks in detail about how to quarrel correctly in order to improve relationships.

Method #3: Breathe

Breathe with your belly. When you feel angry and feel like your head is about to explode, pay attention to your breathing. Have you noticed how you breathe? Take a few slow breaths in and out. Breathe with your belly. This will calm your body and oxygenate your brain. The head will immediately thank you with its calmness.
To prevent anger management, I recommend you a fantastic technique called “conscious breathing.” It lasts just 10 minutes a day and gives peace of mind for life. Sit, or preferably lie on your back, in a quiet environment where no one will disturb you. Place your right hand on the navel area and your left hand on your chest. Breathe so that only your right arm rises. You can also place a small book on your stomach and watch it rise.

Breathe deeply and slowly, with your stomach, watch your breathing. Try to slow down your thoughts. Just think about your breathing. “Now I inhale, my lungs fill with air, oxygen flows into all organs...” This technique is also called diaphragmatic or abdominal breathing. In addition to aggression, it helps to cope with panic attacks, fears and anxieties. Read more about this in this. If you perform this technique daily, aggression will gradually disappear from your life once and for all.

Method #4: Visualization

At the moment when an aggressive state comes over you, imagine yourself in a safe place. Remember a place where you felt good and carefree. It could be the shore of the sea or river, or a pleasant memory of how you sat with friends in a cafe. Imagine being there now.
If you are not strongly influenced by a place, then you can simply imagine yourself next to a person with whom you always feel good and calm. Imagine everything in detail: how you are dressed, what you are doing, what the environment is like. Returning to reality, your brain will let go of aggression.

Method #5: Logic

Turn on logic. Aggression, like all emotions, originates in the right hemisphere of the brain. The left hemisphere is responsible for logic. If you turn on logic and try to analyze the current situation, the left hemisphere will activate, and the work of the right will slow down. The brain will release the emotion of anger and you will calm down. In addition, analyzing the situation will probably allow you to resolve it.

Method #6: The Perfect Quarrel

Fight the right way. Argument is an excellent way to resolve conflict. Ideally, a quarrel is always the starting point for the development of a relationship. A proper fight looks like this. First, it excludes the word “you.” To have constructive conflict, you need to be completely focused on yourself. In psychology, this is called the “you-message” (or statement) and the “I-message”. As a rule, people communicate exclusively using “you-statements”: “you did everything wrong!,” “it’s all because of you!”, “it’s all your fault!” This approach is fundamentally wrong; this quarrel will have no meaning other than the interlocutors expressing insults and reproaches towards each other.

Start quarreling using an “I statement”: “I didn’t like that you...”, “I was upset because...”, “It hurts me to see...”, “I’m not happy that...”. These words themselves are filled with emotions emanating from you. The interlocutor already sees that he did something unpleasant to you. If he has even a little empathy, then he will definitely hear you.
The main essence of a proper quarrel is that instead of shifting responsibility to another, you concentrate on yourself. On your feelings, emotions, experiences associated with this conflict. Your interlocutor will immediately feel it. Suddenly you stop reproaching him and talk about your feelings. This will shift the angle of the conflict in the opposite direction and quickly bear fruit. The scheme of a proper quarrel is as follows:

1. You express the reason for your indignation using an “I statement”
2. Add your emotions
3. Talk through possible alternative behavior options for the interlocutor

For example: “I didn’t like that you came so late. This upsets me. I would like you to think about me and come on time next time.” First of all, you calmly convey to your interlocutor the reason for your indignation, express constructively what you are not happy with in this matter. Then you make sure that you have conveyed your message clearly. If you are sure that the interlocutor heard and understood everything correctly, then tell him also calmly and measuredly how you would like to eliminate your indignation. What needs to be done to make it the way you want, and why. If you do all this based on feelings and emotions (say what is unpleasant for you and what would make you happy), then the interlocutor will not only be imbued with your feelings, but will probably do everything to resolve the situation in a way favorable to you.

During the time that I have been working as a psychologist, I have collected in one place tasks and exercises that lead to positive changes in a person’s self-esteem. The result is a small book - a practical course on the path to yourself. I called this book How to Love Yourself. Using this link you can purchase it at a symbolic cost of 99 rubles. In it, I collected the most effective techniques with which I once raised my self-esteem, became confident and fell in love with myself. This book will not only help you learn to assert your boundaries without being aggressive, but will also make your life happier overall.

What is the cause of aggression and how to eliminate it?

If you often feel aggressive, angry or anxious, this means that you are not happy with the current state of affairs in your life. And there is a deeper reason for this than your immediate conflicts.

It is not easy to understand and realize this reason on your own; in most cases, this requires a specialist. I am a psychologist and provide consultations via Skype. Together with you in consultation, we will be able to understand what is causing your aggressive behavior and how it can be changed. you can find more information to get to know me better.

in contact with, instagram

On one side of the scale lies fear - on the other there is always freedom!

How to safely be aggressive without causing offense

I have shared with you ways to show you how to deal with aggression. I hope that you will not just read them, but write them down, memorize them, or add the page to your bookmarks, and apply these methods in difficult situations. But know that any unexpressed emotions always find a way out. That is, they inevitably result in something. They, like energy, do not appear from nowhere and do not go to nowhere.

That is why you need, after using one of the proposed methods of curbing aggression, to tell your interlocutor calmly and measuredly about what made you angry. Say what exactly it was unpleasant for you to hear or what actions of this person you did not like and why.
If these words are spoken calmly and reasonably, using the “I-message” and using the method of proper quarrel, they will be understood and heard by anyone, be it a taxi driver, boss, wife, child or store clerk. This way you can determine for yourself what exactly is bothering you. You will understand how and when people create situations for you where you become angry, and you will be able to regulate this process.

How to express aggression - 3 ways to release emotions

So, any emotion always finds a way out. If you don't let it come out, it will find a way out in your body. And emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, if we restrain them, destroy the body from the inside. Over time, this may manifest itself as illness or depression. If you don't want the disease consequences of suppressing aggression, read on to learn how to safely vent your emotions. So, you restrained your anger, and then, if possible, verbally told your interlocutor what you didn’t like. The last step remains - give your aggression an outlet in action, find a suitable way for you to express anger through the reaction of your body.
The best and guaranteed way is sports. Running, fitness, wrestling, dancing, jumping. An activity that brings you pleasure and at the same time works with the body - for example, drawing, modeling, knitting - can also help. You can hit pillows or a punching bag. Scream loudly to your heart's content. In a closed car, in the forest, in a field, near a pond. If you want to cry, cry.

One of my friends periodically goes to the river, where there is no one, beats his chest with his fists and screams loudly. This method is also perfect. In general, find your favorite method of releasing emotions and use it regularly. You will feel relieved and your body will thank you. Safety, yours and that of other people, is the main limit to the expression of aggression. Everything that does not go beyond this border can and should be done. Don't allow yourself to suppress your emotions. Give them a safe exit.

Conclusion

So, now you know much better how to restrain anger and aggression, as well as how to quarrel correctly and give vent to aggression after a quarrel. Let's summarize. If you feel aggression coming over you, there are three steps you need to take:

• At a time of conflict, when you want to raise your voice or argue, use one of the methods that shows how to cope with aggression. For example, mentally put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor. Visualize yourself in a safe place or with a pleasant person. Where you feel good. Take a time out or use logic. Also, diaphragmatic breathing is great.

• After this, calmly talk to your interlocutor using the method of proper quarrel. Apply the “I message.” Forget the word “you”, take responsibility. Using the “I message”, express the reason for your indignation. Then add the feelings or emotions that come up for you. And finally, come up with alternative options for the interlocutor’s behavior in this situation. Tell him how pleased you would be if he acted like this instead of like that. Rest assured, it works. If you do this technique correctly, calmly and reasonedly, your interlocutor will not only hear you, but will also listen. It is likely that he will not do this again. And if you always apply the method of correct quarrel, then the people around you will begin to reflect you over time and, unnoticed by themselves, will also begin to quarrel correctly.
• After using any method of containing aggression, regardless of how you managed to resolve the conflict, in the evening or the next day, be sure to give vent to your emotions by going to the gym or running in the forest, at the same time becoming even more beautiful and happier.
• To completely eliminate the causes of your anger and aggression, go through all the tasks of my practical exercise, with the help of which you will learn to competently defend yourself, resolve conflicts in a way favorable to you, and finally begin to change your life so that it completely suits you. Detailed description and link to purchase.

And don't forget to download my book How to Love Yourself. Using this link you can purchase it at a symbolic cost of 99 rubles. In it, I collected the most effective techniques with which I once raised my self-esteem, became confident and fell in love with myself. This book will not only help you learn to assert your boundaries without being aggressive, but will also make your life happier overall.

Each person is unique, and therefore independently applying methods on yourself to restrain anger and aggression, as well as giving them a safe outlet, is not as easy as it seems. Everyone has their own characteristics that lead to these negative emotions. I am a psychologist and I work with this problem. Individually, I help a person understand his personal roots of the problem and make sure that it no longer bothers him. You can contact me for a psychological consultation, and we will figure out together where your aggression comes from, and I will help you learn to build safe and harmonious relationships with others.

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Take care of each other and be happy!
Your psychologist Lara Litvinova

Having experienced any emotion, a person must express it in thoughts, facial expressions, gestures, and actions. This is the nature of emotions, they originate in us and manifest through us. If an emotion is not expressed, it means that it is suppressed. Suppression of emotions is a mental process in which a person does not allow his emotions to manifest themselves.

As noted in, negative emotions negatively affect a person and destroy his life and health. A short-term outbreak of negative emotion cannot cause significant harm to a person’s health.

Only frequent experiences of fear, despondency, anger, sadness and similar emotions lead to mental and physical health disorders. This condition is caused by constant suppression of emotions.

The process of suppressing emotions can be divided into several stages, according to the degree of damage to human health:

Control of emotions

We have to control our emotions when expressing them is inappropriate or will lead to undesirable consequences.

Most readers have probably had occasions when, during their student years, they had to suppress laughter during lectures, otherwise the teacher might get angry and kick him out of the classroom. Or there is a meeting at work, where the boss does not show himself in the best way and if you try to object to him, you can make an enemy for yourself or may even get fired.

Control of emotions in itself cannot be called something bad; on the contrary, this quality allows all people to coexist peacefully. A timely, restrained outburst of anger or discontent can save a person from many problems in life.

If a person, after an event when he had to control his emotions through an effort of will, does not find a way to express them, cannot relieve stress, or free himself from accumulated negativity, then his attention becomes fixated on the negative experience.

From time to time, a person remembers a stressful situation, reliving the experienced emotions, causing his body to experience pain.

Muffling feelings

This stage begins when we do not find a way to let go of our negative experiences. Feelings of guilt, shame, resentment or self-pity constantly attract our attention to the events of the past. Time after time, we have to experience heartache again.

None of us want to live with the feeling of pain every day, so we begin to dull our feelings. We begin to suppress painful sensations, as if not to feel them. In a state of dull pain, a person finds relief, but it is only temporary.

You cannot deceive nature; suppressed emotions require expression. Clogged emotions, unable to find a way out, begin to destroy a person’s body, depleting his vitality.

Sooner or later, a mentally exhausted person will no longer be able to contain the accumulated negativity within himself, and then the dam will break, emotions will find their expression in quarrels, scandals, and mental breakdowns.

Extreme suppression

At this stage, a person has been suppressing his feelings and emotions for a long time. Since emotions do not allow one to forget about themselves, they have to be suppressed even more. A person drowns out his feelings, his negative experiences and emotions associated with them as much as possible, trying to lock them in the deepest basement of his subconscious.

To achieve this, various forms of suppression are used: alcoholism, drug addiction, smoking, overeating, and the like. Almost all bad habits can be used. Until a person stops the process of suppressing emotions, it is impossible for him to get rid of his vices.

The process of self-destruction is activated and manifests itself externally in the form of stress, absurd accidents and bad luck. Imagine a kettle on the stove, in which water is constantly boiling, and there is nowhere for the hot steam to escape.

Likewise, a person is literally seething with suppressed emotions, but he himself no longer feels it, does not realize it. The internal state is manifested in events and in the medical record. In appearance, such a person is calm, balanced, but the liver is in trouble and often tense situations occur nearby, people swear or fight.

At this level of suppression, serious health problems occur. Negative emotions are increasingly manifested in mental breakdowns. The human world is changing, the colors of life are dimming, everything is annoying.