You might be surprised when you read the title.. Is there still some kind of motherhood? Artificial or unnatural? After all, the very function of procreation is inherent in us by nature, it would seem that this is more natural...

In fact natural motherhood , or natural parenting , this is a parenting style that is as close to natural as possible. As much love and care as possible, instead of prohibitions and restrictions, the absence of various devices that, according to modern mothers, make life easier with a child, no mixtures or medications.

Let's take a closer look at basic principles of natural motherhood . Perhaps, without knowing it, you are already applying some of them in your life, and you will take some of them into service after reading our material.

We will tell you what the portal thinks UAUA.info These principles have unconditional advantages, but some nuances cause us doubt. Perhaps the most important thing in this case is find a middle ground in each of the postulates, listen to your intuition, attitude and desires of your baby.

Pregnancy without unnecessary medications

"Behind". Adherents of natural motherhood are sure that if the baby is born prepare well , then there will be no problems with the course of pregnancy.

What should the expectant mother do first:

• visit a gynecologist;
• take the necessary blood tests to exclude possible problems and diseases in the future;
• conduct an examination of the thyroid gland, liver, kidneys;
• tidy up your back and veins;
• treat existing chronic diseases;
• lead a healthy lifestyle;
• exercise;
• Healthy food;
• be positive.

« Against» . Yes, it’s difficult to argue with any of the above points, but what to do , if the situation has developed in such a way that despite the preparation, there is still a threat of failure and in order to save the child it is necessary to use the entire arsenal of traditional medicine?

In this case, it is unlikely that the expectant mother will want to experiment and take risks.

Synthetic vitamins are also not welcome. But what then to do with the research on the need for admission? What should those mothers do who have severe toxicosis and can only support their body with the help? Most likely, a pregnant woman will have to look for answers to these questions on her own.

Childbirth without pain relief and stimulation

"Behind". Supporters of natural motherhood believe that proper natural childbirth should take place in a calm and favorable environment for the baby and mother.

And, of course, no medications, for example, that speed up the process of dilation of the uterus - everything should happen only naturally.

Natural childbirth is the key to a good physiological and psychological state of the child.

« Against» . Whatever one may say, a maternity hospital is an unfamiliar place for a pregnant woman, there are foreign walls around her, doctors who are unlikely to demonstrate miracles of understanding.

Therefore, the best place for a natural birth is considered to be your home, apartment, or your bathroom. Are you willing to take this risk?

But what if things don’t go completely according to plan and some complications arise that require medical intervention? If there is no qualified doctor nearby, then who will be responsible for possible problems with the baby’s health?

Staying together between mother and baby from the first minutes of the child’s life

"Behind". We think no one will argue that after birth, a newborn needs to feel the warmth of his mother’s hands, hear the familiar sound of her heartbeat, and inhale her native smell.

Being in the company of other screaming babies in an unfamiliar large room with bright lights and the smell of bleach is quite a test for a baby. Having experienced it, a child can grow up distrustful and cautious, because fear and loneliness were his first emotions.

If the baby sniffles at your side, the young mother’s milk will arrive faster, the processes of uterine contraction will be more active, and it will be much easier to get along with the baby.

He also promotes natural motherhood, then after the birth of the baby he will be able to feel the support of the two people closest to him - mom and dad.

« Against» . No arguments.

Early breastfeeding

"Behind". The baby latched onto the nipple and sucked, literally just after being born? This is how the mother will be able to contribute to the formation of the correct microflora of the child, necessary for his health and ensure lactation in the future without problems.

"Against". No arguments.

Extended breastfeeding on demand

"Behind". Feeding after 3 hours and not a minute earlier is a persistent myth that came to us from the last century. Natural motherhood invites us to relax, forget about the clock, and offer our baby the breast as often as he asks for it. After all, it is simply impossible to overfeed a baby with breast milk.

A child can eat when he wants to, to quench his thirst, to fall asleep, relax, calm down, and feel safe. You should not limit it in time and number of feedings per day. Night feedings - this is normal and correct, although tiring for mom.

Contrary to the second common myth, breast milk doesn't lose their unique and important properties over time. Its composition changes constantly, adapting to the needs of the baby both at 1 month and at 3 years. It is worth feeding the child until he refuses to breastfeed on his own.

Feeding on demand is also a plus for young mothers: thanks to it, the expectant mother does not know what stagnation of milk is, she has much less problems with lactation in general, there is no need to pump and replace her breasts with nipples or bottles of water.

« Against» . Natural motherhood must mean that the baby hangs on the chest for hours and hours without interruption? Of course, there are such days, for example, when the baby is sick or is teething. Then he should be offered the breast without any options.

But overall, let's be reasonable. A mother is also a person, and not a dairy factory for the continuous satisfaction of the child’s needs.

She periodically needs rest and time for herself. Therefore, if the mother understands that now the baby can easily do without the breast and just play, and at this time she will have 10-15 minutes for a shower, breakfast or just doing nothing - this is normal.

Co-sleeping

"Behind". mother and child promotes prolonged lactation, makes contact between the child and mother even closer and gives both confidence that everything is in order.

In addition, there is no need to get up several times a night to feed the baby. He can find the breast himself at any time and eat as soon as he wants, almost without taking his mother out of the kingdom of Morpheus.

« Against» . Are you one of those young mothers who have read horror stories that your baby can be crushed while sleeping together? We think that if you lead a healthy lifestyle, this is unrealistic.

But you just may not like to sleep cuddling with your child, for example, it’s so difficult for you to relax.

If your husband actively protests against sleeping with your baby or this fact causes jealousy in older children, you are free to choose what you will do.

It is important that co-sleeping is as natural and enjoyable a process as breastfeeding. Do you have a different vision? Set your own rules, look for compromises, for example, transfer an already asleep baby to the crib - it should be convenient and comfortable for everyone.

Regularly carrying the baby in your arms or in a sling

"Behind". A newborn baby feels safe in or in his arms because he is as close as possible to his mother. With age, it is these poses that provide the baby with the opportunity to explore the world around him and observe what his mother is doing.

A baby crying alone in a crib is wrong. Yes, let many books write that nothing will happen if you let a child cry once or twice. But is it worth showing your child your power and capabilities? How necessary is it to raise an undemanding child literally from the cradle?

« Against» . The child grows and becomes heavier every day, month, year. Therefore, the ability to continuously carry it in the mother’s arms decreases every day, especially if she is of a rather fragile build.

A sling, of course, frees up your hands, giving you the opportunity to do something around the house, but not all children like slings; this is quite individual.

As the child grows up, he will increasingly need time to independent contemplation And . How important is it to constantly keep him busy, without leaving him the opportunity to be alone?

Early boarding and no diapers

"Behind". Early planting means that a child is potty trained literally from the first days of life. At the moment when, in the mother’s opinion, the child should urinate or defecate, the baby is placed over a bowl, basin, washbasin or bathtub, accompanied by patting, breastfeeding or appropriate sounds.

If the moment is not caught, then wet diapers and panties should cause the child to feeling of discomfort , which disappears when using disposable diapers.

The idea of ​​the process is that the child does not soil diapers or clothes over time, but waits for disembarkation to do his business.

« Against» . Spend more time searching for pee and poop than playing and developing together? A difficult choice... If diapers are still more of a mother’s helper, then perhaps it’s up to her to decide where, how and when her child will “baby”, and who will clean up the soiled carpet after him and whether she wants to change wet bed linen every day.

Refusal of medications and drugs

"Behind". Medicines are harmful, their use is unnatural and unecological.

« Against» . The lack of drug intervention during serious ones can lead to not very pleasant results. After all, unfortunately, the issue is not always resolved only with the help of homeopathy and herbal medicine.

How to solve the issue with vaccinations?

Pedagogical complementary feeding

« Behind» . If the diet of mom and dad can safely be classified as healthy, then there is nothing to worry about if the baby will try the porridge or vegetables from their plate. It is with the help that parents will be able to better understand the baby’s preferences, because if he doesn’t like something, he will no longer show interest in this product.

« Against» . No arguments.

Refusal of the benefits of the modern world

"Behind". Various nipples, bottles, pacifiers, strollers, playpens, walkers and swings are harmful to the child.

Feed - only by breast, carry - in a sling, rock - in your arms.

« Against» . Perhaps pacifiers spoil a child’s bite, and of course they should not be a substitute for communication with the mother, but what to do if it is very difficult for a child to fall asleep without a pacifier? How to feed a formula-fed baby without using bottles? How far can you go with a baby in a sling if the mother is already tired from walking in the park, but she still needs to go to the store and buy groceries? You should look for the answer to all these questions yourself...

Today we told you the principles of natural motherhood. What is your opinion on this matter? Write us your answers in the comments to the material.

Katya Khlomova, child and family psychotherapist: Ideas have turned mothers’ heads relatively recently. This style of parenting criticizes the traditional approach to childhood and offers as alternatives home birth, breastfeeding, slinging, planting, refusal of traditional medicines and vaccinations, complementary feeding from the common table instead of baby purees, and home schooling as an alternative to kindergarten and school.

That is, the scheme tends to return to one’s roots and reject many of the gifts of civilization as something that comes between mother and baby. The new scheme, by and large, divided mothers into two camps - admirers and opponents of natural parenthood.

When my daughter was very young, I, like many other mothers, searched the Internet for answers to various questions. And I realized that no answers. There are two opposing tribes, each of which zealously defends its truth: traditional parents and “natural” ones.

In fact, these two camps are not only a way of treating children. This is a worldview, a way of life.

I gravitated more towards the “naturalists”. Looking back, I think this approach gave me a lot in terms of being able to understand my daughter and be sensitive to her needs. But now it seems to me that natural parenting would be more suitable for a mother who has at least minimal outside help. Otherwise, your whole life begins to revolve around the baby. I couldn’t afford to console my daughter with a pacifier or put her in a playpen. Because... I considered it almost a crime! And it is very exhausting physically and emotionally. That is, of a sort, luxury be with your child 100% every second.

Natural parenting is an idea that leaves the mother very little of her own personal space - her bed, her plate, her moment. And here the resources must be very well thought out. Where does energy come from?

It also seems important to me that supporters of conscious parenting have a greater chance of “slipping” into a feeling of guilt, which is so destructive for the child. Because in this concept, the mother owes the child a lot, if not “everything.” There seems to be a claim to being ideal. But as a child psychologist, I know that for successful development a child needs an ordinary mother. Preferably calm. Let it be with its shortcomings.

There's a catch to this too. Because the theory of natural parenthood itself most likely does not require the mother to be perfect. But the initial idea of ​​“closeness” to the child is erased behind external attributes: breastfeeding, slings and co-sleeping. After all, you can fulfill the task of intimacy without this, or you can not fulfill it with all this.

The first thing that I, an inexperienced mother, learned for myself was exactly the actions that I should do. That's how it was for me. And here I do not at all pretend that this was the case for everyone.

For me there was a lot in this concept obligations and little choice. In my immense trust in everything I read, at some point I replaced the thought “ I know what's best" on " Natural Parenting Knows Best».

It turns out that the style, which initially involves following one’s instincts, eventually came between me and my instincts. “What kind of loving mother am I, since I don’t drop off my child?” - but any philosophy will sooner or later become a prison.

The main pitfall for me turned out to be this:

the message that “No one knows better than mom” is promoted. But in fact the texts not about supporting mom's intuition, but about how should act good mom.

Now I think that the essence of this parenting style, in fact, was not contempt for walkers, but the ability to listen to yourself and the baby, feel each other and do as your intuition tells you.
Some of my acquaintances, ardent “naturalists,” only allowed themselves to give the child a pacifier and put on a diaper for their third childbirth. Because it saves energy. But this third child is no less beloved.

There may be another extreme here. It is easy to blame one’s own responsibility on an “imperfect theory.” Therefore, I would like to say that, of course, everything was built by me myself. Theory is just a tool in the hands of each of us. This was the case in my case.

At this point some conclusions need to be drawn. But I don't really want to. Because any result of someone else’s experience is a trap for a new person. The ideal theory of education, perhaps, is that with maximum information, leave the last word for yourself. Nobody knows better than ourselves.

PHOTO - Yulia Zalnova

Katya Khlomova, child and family psychotherapist: Ideas have turned mothers’ heads relatively recently. This style of parenting criticizes the traditional approach to childhood and offers as alternatives home birth, breastfeeding, slinging, planting, refusal of traditional medicines and vaccinations, complementary feeding from the common table instead of baby purees, and home schooling as an alternative to kindergarten and school.

That is, the scheme tends to return to one’s roots and reject many of the gifts of civilization as something that comes between mother and baby. The new scheme, by and large, divided mothers into two camps - admirers and opponents of natural parenthood.

When my daughter was very young, I, like many other mothers, searched the Internet for answers to various questions. And I realized that no answers. There are two opposing tribes, each of which zealously defends its truth: traditional parents and “natural” ones.

In fact, these two camps are not only a way of treating children. This is a worldview, a way of life.

I gravitated more towards the “naturalists”. Looking back, I think this approach gave me a lot in terms of being able to understand my daughter and be sensitive to her needs. But now it seems to me that natural parenting would be more suitable for a mother who has at least minimal outside help. Otherwise, your whole life begins to revolve around the baby. I couldn’t afford to console my daughter with a pacifier or put her in a playpen. Because... I considered it almost a crime! And it is very exhausting physically and emotionally. That is, of a sort, luxury be with your child 100% every second.

Natural parenting is an idea that leaves the mother very little of her own personal space - her bed, her plate, her moment. And here the resources must be very well thought out. Where does energy come from?

It also seems important to me that supporters of conscious parenting have a greater chance of “slipping” into a feeling of guilt, which is so destructive for the child. Because in this concept, the mother owes the child a lot, if not “everything.” There seems to be a claim to being ideal. But as a child psychologist, I know that for successful development a child needs an ordinary mother. Preferably calm. Let it be with its shortcomings.

There's a catch to this too. Because the theory of natural parenthood itself most likely does not require the mother to be perfect. But the initial idea of ​​“closeness” to the child is erased behind external attributes: breastfeeding, slings and co-sleeping. After all, you can fulfill the task of intimacy without this, or you can not fulfill it with all this.

The first thing that I, an inexperienced mother, learned for myself was exactly the actions that I should do. That's how it was for me. And here I do not at all pretend that this was the case for everyone.

For me there was a lot in this concept obligations and little choice. In my immense trust in everything I read, at some point I replaced the thought “ I know what's best" on " Natural Parenting Knows Best».

It turns out that the style, which initially involves following one’s instincts, eventually came between me and my instincts. “What kind of loving mother am I, since I don’t drop off my child?” - but any philosophy will sooner or later become a prison.

The main pitfall for me turned out to be this:

the message that “No one knows better than mom” is promoted. But in fact the texts not about supporting mom's intuition, but about how should act good mom.

Now I think that the essence of this parenting style, in fact, was not contempt for walkers, but the ability to listen to yourself and the baby, feel each other and do as your intuition tells you.
Some of my acquaintances, ardent “naturalists,” only allowed themselves to give the child a pacifier and put on a diaper for their third childbirth. Because it saves energy. But this third child is no less beloved.

There may be another extreme here. It is easy to blame one’s own responsibility on an “imperfect theory.” Therefore, I would like to say that, of course, everything was built by me myself. Theory is just a tool in the hands of each of us. This was the case in my case.

At this point some conclusions need to be drawn. But I don't really want to. Because any result of someone else’s experience is a trap for a new person. The ideal theory of education, perhaps, is that with maximum information, leave the last word for yourself. Nobody knows better than ourselves.

PHOTO - Yulia Zalnova

The name itself, “positive parenting,” inspires confidence. This means no tears, no hysterics - perfect children in ironed shirts. Is it really? “Detstrana” decided to look into this issue thoroughly.

Have you noticed that the trends of modern parenting for some reason suggest the complete sacrifice of mothers and fathers in relation to their children? Indulge, please, do not prohibit, do not punish - and all this is to the detriment of the interests of adults. What's the end result? Before us are people who are disillusioned with the status of “mom” and “dad”, and an incredible number of uncontrollable, selfish and spoiled children. Some parents follow a fundamentally different method of education - authoritarianism, physical punishment, justifying themselves by saying that “we were raised that way - and nothing, we grew up.”

But positive parenting is something completely different, it is constructive, logical and calm interaction with the child. So, the main principles of positive parenting.

1. A child has the right to be different, to be different from others

He doesn’t have to be an excellent student like his neighbor Vasya, he doesn’t have to play the violin, he doesn’t have to love the theater, and he may well be against travel. And you shouldn’t succumb to stereotypes by forcibly taking your child to English courses (after all, it will come in handy, it’s necessary). Respect the right of even the smallest person to be himself.

2. A child can make mistakes.

Recognize this right too - there are no ideal people. But again, what is considered an error? The five-year-old child who broke an expensive vase did not make a mistake - he really dropped it by accident, without malicious intent. Therefore, scolding, shouting and generally perceiving this fact as an annoying oversight. If a teenager comes home with a black eye, groaning and screaming “Who is to blame,” ask three questions:

1. "What's happened?" - and the child tells the fact.
2. “Did you draw any conclusions, did this situation teach you anything?” - and the teenager, even if he has not yet made any conclusions, will begin to talk about this topic.
3. “What will you do next time, what will you do differently?” - and your child will form a positive picture.

3. The child may express negative emotions

He may cry - from resentment, fatigue, because of problems at school, he may tell you that, in his opinion, you are unfair. And this is not rudeness! It is completely normal to give vent to emotions, and not to accumulate negativity in yourself. Firstly, the release of emotions alleviates the condition, and secondly, this is trust - who, if not parents, can demonstrate their weakness?

4. The child may want more

A child who knows what he wants is easier to encourage to do something by providing him with opportunities to achieve his goals. If your child lives by the principle “wanting is not harmful” from infancy, then in adulthood he will be able to patiently wait for the fulfillment of his desires. Only complete, unlimited freedom to “wish” allows a child to find his very desire, calling and happiness from a huge list of possibilities.

5. The child may say “no,” but the parents have the final say.

It is very important to understand the difference between freedom given to a child and permissiveness. The essence of this principle is that it allows you to control a child without intimidation, humiliation and punishment. “I won’t put on a hat,” your daughter tells you when it’s a snowstorm and minus 20 outside. In her right to rebel, she understands that she may not follow your instructions, but at the same time she also realizes that all the consequences of disobedience become hers. responsibility. Your task is to explain the consequences of her actions and ask if she is ready for them. If the riot continues, you can say something like: “I understand that you are ready for the consequences. But I’m responsible for you and your health, so I can’t let you do this.”

Principle one
"You can be different"

This principle expresses the need and right of children to be special and loved, to be individuals. If we do not understand and accept that children are different, they will never be able to get what they need, which is responsiveness and a tendency to cooperate with adults.

Principle two
"You could be wrong"

In order for children to grow up to be confident and maintain a healthy and natural need to please their parents, they need to understand that they have the right to make mistakes. And if mistakes are not forgiven, children stop making efforts, or give up in the process of trying, faced with small failures. The child should know that for every mistake and failure in his life, he can count on adult support in the form of sympathy and the parent’s willingness to take responsibility for the child’s mistake. Even if at first glance it seems that the parents have nothing to do with it and everything was done by the child’s hands. But the feeling that the child is not alone responsible for his mistakes and that there is someone who is ready to accept responsibility for what he has done frees a person from the fear of doing something new in his life. In this way, the child learns to take responsibility, take risks and endure failure.

Principle three
"You may experience negative emotions"

This principle allows children to develop boldly, aware of their inner experiences. This factor, the factor of experiencing negative emotions, is important for children in order not to lose their craving for parental protection, their guidance and recognition.

Principle Four
"You May Want More"

This principle opens up the opportunity for a child to develop into a bright personality and realize his own desires. Children who know what they want are much easier to encourage by giving them more opportunities to achieve their desires. Children who had this opportunity in childhood - to follow the principle “wanting is not harmful” - become adults and learn to patiently wait for the fulfillment of their desires, even if they cannot get what they want right away.
Only complete, absolute freedom to desire allows a person, from a large list of possibilities, to find that very desire, that very taste of happiness that corresponds to his nature, his experience and purpose.
Unfortunately, too often children hear reproaches that they are bad, spoiled, selfish, if they ask for more and do not get what they want. And this applies to our own experience, our childhood.
Until now, suppression of desires was the most important educational skill, since parents did not know how to cope with the negative emotions that naturally arise in every person if his desire is unsatisfied. The Vedic scriptures speak quite clearly about this. The Bhagavad Gita says that if a person does not satisfy his desires that arise in his mind, in his heart, or brought from past lives, then he experiences anger, and, as a result, disappointment and resentment. The lack of harmony in a person’s desires with the desires of the people around him, the laws of nature, the laws of his own body, the nature of his own mind, one way or another leads to the emergence of negative emotions. And one of the serious skills, until a person has reached a sufficiently high level of self-awareness, is how to correctly express negative emotions so that they do not worsen or burden the lives of the people around them and the person himself, and do not contribute to his degradation.

Principle five
"You can say no"

What makes this principle special is that it reminds us that freedom is the foundation of positive parenting and parenting. And this principle of freedom concerns each of the four principles described above - “you can be different”, “you can be wrong”, “you can experience negative emotions”, “you can want more”. And it is very important to understand the difference between permissiveness and freedom that is given to the child. This principle should not be associated with permissiveness. The essence of this principle is that it allows for even greater control over children without intimidating or shaming the child. The fact is that the ability to resist authority underlies a healthy awareness of one’s “I”, one’s personality. In his right to rebel, a person understands that he may not follow a higher authority, be it his parents or the government, but at the same time he understands and accepts responsibility for all the consequences of his disobedience.

Ruslan Narushevich, psychologist, Ayurveda specialist