Sometimes women have to deal with the fact that the husband does not work and does not bring any income. Well, if these are temporary difficulties, and he is in search of work. But it often happens that a man is not going to look for a job, even if his wife is pregnant or on maternity leave. In such a situation, the wife has a question how to make a man work. You need to act on the basis of his psychological type.

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Why does the man not want to work?

The most common reasons why a man does not want to work include the following:

• A person prefers to live at the expense of others. This category is called gigolos. They fall in love with women who can support them. If such a candidate met, then it is practically impossible to make him work. It is easier for him to find a new source of income in the person of a woman than to look for a job himself.
• The man is waiting for the "finest hour". This applies to people in the creative profession (writers, musicians, scientists). The spouse does not want to work, as he is waiting for the moment when success will come to him. The husband dreams of doing something that will significantly change the world.
• Laziness. The spouse will put off looking for a job from day to day, as he likes to while away the time in front of the TV, enjoying a cold beer, or spend his leisure time in any other way.
• Bad experience. Refusal to look for work may be associated with negativity at the previous place of activity, due to which the man lost faith in himself.
• There is no professional work. It is difficult for a spouse to find a profession in the specialty that he received at the university.

Men's psychology and job search

Depending on the psychology of a man, he will have a different attitude to work.



Husband - "mother's son"

Such men from childhood are accustomed to being taken care of and doing all the work for them. Great parental love fixed in the guy the conviction that he should not decide anything in life on his own. Correcting such a man will be difficult. The wife should follow the advice of psychologists:

• constantly highlight the significance of a loved one, say how reliable he is, that only he can be counted on in a difficult situation;
• gently reminding the spouse that if he had a job, the family would have more opportunities to pamper themselves and the children;
• it is strictly forbidden to insult the husband, as he will begin to protest and act out of spite.

If the "mother's son" loves his wife, these tips will help awaken the earner in him, as a result of which the man will look for work.



Husband is a narcissist

This type is characterized by high self-esteem, so he sees himself only in leadership positions. But his skills are manifested only in words, but in reality he is not able to do the job efficiently. Therefore, such men sit at home waiting for some promising offer to come to them.

The wife needs to limit her beloved in the pleasures that he receives through money. Suffice it to say that problems have arisen at work, and the salary will be significantly lower than usual. Therefore, there is no opportunity to buy new things, eat well, afford active rest. A narcissistic man will not be able to give up his usual life and will think about ways to earn money for himself.

Spouse - "slow-witted"

In order to make such a man act, you need to be patient, as a slow spouse will be determined for a long time with a place of activity. Most often, this leads to the fact that a promising job is offered to another person.

The wife needs to push her husband to make a quick decision:

• indicate the advantages of the proposed position;
• to say that he is an excellent specialist, so the period has come to realize himself;
• make plans for the future, implying that the spouse will work.

The man is a misanthrope

Such a man is not afraid of the work itself, but the need to interact with society, so they sit at home. It is difficult for this type of people to participate in discussions, make decisions, and maintain everyday conversations.

The husband should look for alternative ways to earn money, such as working remotely. Then the spouse will not need to be among people, he will be able to engage in any activity at home.

Husband is melancholic

This is an impressionable type of men who cannot get a job for a long time, experiencing previous failures. The main task of the spouse is to make the beloved believe in himself, to raise his self-esteem. To do this, a man needs to be surrounded by affection, care, praise for any reason, admire him, not scold him for minor mistakes.

And not some guy from the street, but your personal one, for whom you personally have far-reaching plans. Or it may happen that this same guy is your son or brother. This is, of course, more difficult. So why doesn't he want to work? There may be several reasons.

Firstly, in front of you there may be an ordinary parasite, as a species. This is a lost option, which is not worth taking on (again, if this guy is not related to you). Where do they come from? The question is interesting. Answer: science does not yet know how this happens, but it is known what should be done in this case. Run away from him. Such a person, as a rule, is simply not busy with anything. He does not work, has not worked and is not going to engage in this unpromising, from his point of view, business. He does not look for excuses for himself and does not try to change anything. He is so good. On the couch. Usually, someone still keeps such parasites, but you need to eat something ... Either mommy, or someone else. But there are difficult cases when the unwillingness to work comes from a number of reasons. Sometimes he is afraid of being unrecognized, that is, unclaimed. It's like, "I don't need anyone. I don’t want to work,” but at work they can offend.

Work is such a thing where you can both rise and fall. It is very difficult for a person who is not self-confident to look for a job, since he first of all sees "fall". And subconsciously does not want to go there. The most important thing here is support in this case, your boyfriend can still be helped. It depends on who is around. If you feel that there is not just an unwillingness to work, but also a lack of self-confidence, you need to stock up on remarkable patience. Day after day, convince him that he is the best and capable of much, find vacancies and send him with kicks for an interview after preliminary psychological treatment. Just pick up something for the first time where you can say with confidence that they will take it. And then he gets scared and won't go.

And then write wasted. And if the guy does not want to work, not because of low self-esteem, but, on the contrary, because of extremely high self-esteem? Like, I'm a genius, just unrecognized yet, but now I'll get a job that you never dreamed of, and then you'll understand everything! Relax. Here is the same situation. No delusions of grandeur. He's just a talker. There is also such a category. For him, work is something abstract. The guy doesn't want to work. He just wants to get everything at once. If you imagine yourself to be his mother and think that your unearthly love is worth such sacrifices, then the flag is in your hands. But, remember: this dancer will always be disturbed by something. He believes that any work is not worthy of him, this guy does not like working, and there's nothing to be done about it. You can, again, stock up on patience for years to come and pull it on yourself, setting high goals and objectives for it. The main thing is to find an individual approach to such a person. After all, the entire male sex is very vain and you can play on this. But do not overdo it with charity, because you are alone. What to do?.. What to do?..

Such an adult already, but does not want to work. Adult. By the look. And the mustache sprouted and the shoulders waved, but the mind did not increase. So, dear parents, you yourself are to blame, although it is not good to say so. Selfishness is also one of the reasons for unwillingness to work. And selfishness, as you know, comes from childhood. Smart people have already proven this. Loving parents from the very cradle put everything in the child’s mouth that only this child wishes, and then they wonder where a lazy person appeared in their hardworking family. An adult already, in principle, the guy does not want to work. Here already high ideals will not save. You just need to grab the parasite by the scruff of the neck and plant it on a prepared warm place and lo and behold - the guy is working! The only question is whether such work will be of benefit or only disappointment to the leadership. Another reason for the “unemployment” of a young person can be depression. This is when something not too good happens in life and the whole world turns gray. In such a state, it’s not like working - I don’t want to live. This guy doesn't want anything. No work, no entertainment, not even delicious food. Not before eating when the soul hurts, you see!

If you have come across such a depressive instance on your life path and you have kindled the most tender feelings for it, you can advise you to study it in more detail. So, what we have at the moment: The guy doesn't want anything. And he doesn't want to work either. He is all so fragile, vulnerable and offended by the whole world. The main strategy here is caution. Perhaps irony is inappropriate in this case, and a person has really great grief in life. But life goes on and you need to breathe life into this person. Love, tenderness and tranquility are the best medicine. He will move away and after some time go to work, because he understands that you deserve a prosperous life.

We are talking about a real man who, although sheds appropriate occasions, stingy male tears, is still able to take himself in his hand after a certain amount of time. But it can also happen that everything will cause depression in your boyfriend. A trip to the housing office and the clinic, underweight products in the store, and suddenly someone steps on his foot .... And a long depression begins with breaks for phrases, the essence of which boils down to how cruel this world is. Of course, in such a cruel world, there is no way to work!

Your first task is to recognize such a parasite, the second is not to succumb to his charms and not to buy into the “vulnerability” of the soul. Everyone has her soul. Even the plumber Uncle Vasya. But, unfortunately, not everyone suffers from diligence. Well, and your third task to solve - do you need it ??? The guy doesn't want to work. Of course it's a problem. Especially if you love him. Just think, what do you actually love? Appearance? beauty of speech? Style? But hard work is also one of the qualities for which you can love. And even more so it refers to those human qualities without which we cannot live.

The absence of a spouse's work and regular stay at home are common causes of discord in the family, invariably leading to divorce. In this situation, the wife is in an unenviable position, who needs not only to take care of the children, cook food, clean up the apartment and wash dirty things, but also support the family. In some love unions, there is a shift in responsibilities, but such circumstances suit both spouses.

In marriages, where everything falls on the fragile female shoulders, after a short period of time, discord is sure to appear. The chosen one asks pressing questions: What to do if the husband does not want to work? How to change the worldview of a spouse? How can you influence your husband? Where is the reason behind this behavior?

A woman who is in a long-term relationship with a man has the right to establish certain obligations and rules in the family. A guy should not only pay attention to his wife, but also support his family, strive to improve living conditions, improve his own skills, etc.

Preconditions for a man to avoid work

To solve the problem by changing the usual course of events, it is important to correctly diagnose the causes that affect the behavior of a man:

• The partner considers himself a genius who is not recognized by society. Working on a regular job that involves physical activity is the business of people deprived of the mind, and he was born to commit acts of global proportions. The guy does not have a chance to show his own skills and talents for a long period of time.
• A man belongs to the category of lazy people, in whom the thought of work causes only disgust. The favorite pastime of such a character is to enjoy life, spending everyday life on the couch or with friends who share his interests and hobbies. The guy’s worldview slowly evolved over a long time, so even a professional psychologist will not be able to change the foundations of the chosen one overnight.
• Having lost his job or his own business, the partner experiences, which prevents him from getting a high-paying position. Problems with the chosen one and the lack of funds for the maintenance of the family are of little interest to the man, because he is in a depressed state.
• The guy cannot find a job that matches his skills and knowledge that he received in a specialized educational institution. The lack of demand in the labor market and the unstable economic situation in the country are the main reasons why the profession of a man has ceased to be in demand among employers.

You don't have to wait until the . If, then do not set out to change a man. Otherwise, believe in a positive outcome of events, making every effort for this.

At the genetic level, men have a concern for loved ones, therefore the maintenance of a family and assistance to parents are generally accepted phenomena recognized by the social system.

Classification of parasites and lazy people

Having become familiar with the prerequisites that directly affect the spouse’s worldview, you still won’t be able to go to work. The reason may be hidden in the complex of personal qualities of the chosen one. Traditionally, the types of guys who do not want to work are classified into the following categories:

Weak men who are accustomed to dominating a woman's family. A similar format of relations has been formed in the mind of a guy for a long time, so he sincerely considers such a model of communication to be the norm.

• "Narcissus".

Chosen ones with high self-esteem, which affects the attitude of employers and colleagues towards a man. Such guys do not get along in the team, they are fired without explanation. Only the result remains unchanged - the environment, and not the man, is to blame for the events.

• "Misanthrope".

Such guys have developed an apathy towards people since childhood, so he does not seek communication with strangers, switching to raised tones and insults. In the 21st century, where the ability to convince an interested client of the relevance of an acquisition becomes the engine of trade, it is extremely difficult for such a man to find a job. The guy's work experience ends on the first day at a new place, during which he will invariably quarrel with the customer who applied to the company.

Vulnerable men who are having a hard time getting fired from their last job. If you live with a spouse who has these traits, then difficulties in finding a job will regularly accompany you throughout your life together.

• "Gigolo".

This type of guy can only be met by wealthy women who are able to support not only their own person, but also a young husband. The husband prefers not to spend money on his wife, but on the contrary, he is looking for a reason to replenish his personal savings using the “wallet” of a wealthy chosen one.

• "Kopush".

Such men regularly promise their wife that they will go to work tomorrow. However, once again, the future boss refuses employment, guided by the applicant's lack of sufficient desire. The guy is constantly in search of a new position, which must always meet the needs of a representative of the strong half of humanity.

• "Unlucky Man".

Among the variety of lazy people and parasites there is a category of men who are simply unlucky. Due to an absurd set of circumstances, they are unable to find a well-paid job. The guys regularly attend interviews, proving their worth to the boss, but once again, luck turns its back on the applicant.

Options for solving an established problem

Only after a thorough study of the issue, you can start looking for solutions to an established problem, guided by the following recommendations:

• Find a time and place for a serious conversation with your husband, during which he must understand the scope of your intentions. If the wife, dissatisfied with the course of events, does not convey her own vision of the situation to her husband in an accessible way, then it will not be possible to save the marriage. A man must recognize this truth in order to project possible risks.
• Support your husband in his endeavors by providing moral assistance and extending a “hand” of help to the chosen one. If the problem is solely in the uncertainty and indecision of the spouse, then help him again to know the delights of self-sufficiency. In rare cases, it is recommended to look for work instead of your husband, sending your lover's resume to the email addresses of enterprises. When the management of the company is interested in the candidacy of a man, let him know about this vacancy - let this victory be his first step towards success.
• Jointly visit a practicing psychologist who will get in touch with your chosen one, having learned the true reasons for not wanting to work. Having diagnosed your spouse, a professional will help you find a way out of this situation by scheduling additional sessions or immediately offering various options for solving the problem.
• Leave family life unchanged, not interested in the earnings of a man. Spend money solely on your own needs, providing for children and buying food for the house. The ego of the spouse will not allow him to enjoy the food intended for the child, and other needs (leisure, hobbies, etc.) will force him to go in search of work.
• Give your husband an ultimatum - either he goes to work and provides for the family, or he moves to another apartment, satisfying his own needs on his own. After a serious conversation, give your spouse a short period of time for reflection. Be prepared for various scenarios - it is possible that a man decides to leave the family.

When choosing a method, it is important to remember that it is necessary only with the help of significant motivating factors - the child's education, the treatment of a spouse, or the help of parents.

In this situation, the girl must clearly decide for herself whether she wants to revive fading feelings or use a weighty argument, parting with a lazy chosen one

The result of the work of the psychologist and the efforts of the wife is an employed spouse who has an interest in life. By adhering to simple advice, you can have a full-fledged family without depriving the children of their own father.

How to make your man find a job, how you can help him with this. What exactly can you do to influence your boyfriend who does not want to work. In what cases is it worth doing something, and when, nothing can help. Indeed, not in all cases, a man can be forced to do something. First, you need to figure out exactly why the guy does not want to work. Once you understand the root of the problem, you can help him solve it. Although it is not always possible to do something about it. There are guys who will never look for a job, will never want to achieve anything in this life.

The very first advice to all girls and women, about guys and men. Look at such things - before you are with such a guy in a serious relationship. Pay attention to whether the guy wants to achieve something, strive for something, whether he wants to achieve some kind of success in life. It doesn't have to be material success. It’s just that if he at least strives for something, at least dreams of something, then it’s already good.

Why doesn't my boyfriend want to work.

There are several reasons, the most common, why this might be. The most important of them, the most common - the guy does not want to work, because he does not strive for anything in life. He does not dream of something more, he is quite satisfied with everything as it is. Why strain once again when there is something to eat, I don’t seem to be skinned, which means that everything is fine. I'd rather play my favorite computer game or watch a cool movie. Why do I need more, and I don’t care what, in fact, in fact - you don’t have anything!

If your boyfriend doesn't want to work because he just doesn't want to, then you probably won't be able to do anything about it. Since such guys are like plants, if they don’t want to do anything themselves in this life, if they don’t want to do anything better for themselves, and for you, then you won’t force them. Therefore, either put up with it, or ... Well, you can try to talk to him, but talking can achieve something only if the case is not completely neglected. What exactly should I say? Read below.

What if my boyfriend doesn't want to work.

As I wrote above - if this (idleness) is in his blood, so to speak, and if he personally is not going to do anything about it, then 99% - you will not be able to force him to look for a job. But, the circumstances are different. Sometimes it's just a period in life. Or you just want to relax a bit. So, what other reasons could there be for a guy not wanting to go to work.

1. Difficult period in life. Some problems that knocked a person out of a rut. It takes time to come to your senses. If this is the case, then give him some time to move away from problems, and help him mentally go through temporary difficulties faster. Usually, when a person is allowed to go, he is rehabilitated spiritually, and again ready for a full life. The guy himself will start looking for a job when he feels that he is already ready for this.

2. If a person is creative, and his work is creative, then this may be a temporary lack of inspiration. The so-called creative crisis. In this case, it is also a temporary phenomenon. The guy will find his muse, catch inspiration and return to work again. In general, it is very difficult with creative people, because it is practically impossible to make them work when they do not want to. They will immediately begin to say - that you are driving him into a framework, but you cannot limit a creative person. So it's very difficult for them.

3. Lack of motivation. When it seems like a guy wouldn’t mind going to work, but he can’t clearly understand for himself why he needs it. When there are specific goals and a plan, then you want to work to achieve your goals. When you dream of buying yourself some thing, for example, or finally starting to live separately, or something else, then you clearly know why. You dream of your own apartment, which means you need to work hard to earn money for personal housing. When a guy has motivation to work, then there is no problem.

The guy does not want to work, does not want to look for a job, go to work, what can I do?

Give him motivation. Explain to him why he should do it. For what? For whom! As you know, if a person really wants something, then he will achieve it with special perseverance. If a person does not understand why, then he does not see the point in trying. What could be the motivation to go to work for a guy? What can you let him know. Explain to him why he needs to do this. There are many motivations to find a job, below we will consider the most obvious and necessary ones.

For your beloved. Doesn't he want to improve something in his life? Earn money for a car or a personal home. Or something else. There must be something that he really wants and for this it is worth going to work. If he lies on the couch for days or sits at a computer, then either this is banal laziness, depression, or a desire to take a temporary break, a sabbatical. But! If he lies around for days and does nothing for a long time, then he believes that he has nothing to go to work. He probably thinks that he has already achieved everything he wanted. Well, then there's nothing to be done about it. If a person does not have any goals and plans for the future, there is no dream for which one wants to live and work, to achieve it. So it's either temporary or permanent.

By the way, it may also be that he is just used to receiving everything on a silver platter all his life. If he was not accustomed to work from childhood, but only poked him with idleness, if he does not know the value of money and a beautiful life. This is a common cause of idleness of men. They are not accustomed from childhood to the fact that if you want something, you need to work to get yours. Of course, we are not talking about all men, most of them are just accustomed to such necessary things. For example, I personally know a lot of guys and men who work very hard. Several jobs at once. But I also know such people - mom and dad, from childhood they brought him everything on a silver platter, he did not know the need for anything. He received all his life, everything he wanted, while not making any effort. This is how he wants to live his whole life. Without straining, believing that everything will somehow work out by itself.

How to get a guy to go to work?

Make him understand that if you do not want to achieve something in this life for yourself, then do it for the sake of others, relatives and friends. For the sake of parents who hunchbacked all their lives for you parasite. They worked all their lives, and now you work in such a way that they never need to work at all again, explain this to him, or rather try. Not sure if he will understand. For you, for your joint future. Doesn't he really want to give his wife and children better living conditions? This is his direct duty as a man. If he is satisfied with everything as it is - but this is far from ideal, then it is useless. He must, without reminders and explanations, understand and want to achieve a better life for you.

Work for better living conditions. A better apartment, or a better city to live in. For the sake of not needing money all the time. In order not to live like the majority, from paycheck to paycheck, or constantly borrow from someone until payday. Earn so that you borrow and not you. And for a rainy day! What if (God forbid, of course) something happens, and you urgently need a large amount of money? And they are not available! And what then, everyone, arrived! There is no time to lie on the couch or sit at the computer in vain. First, provide for yourself and your loved ones for the rest of your life - and then, relax and rest at least until ...

Don't you really want to go somewhere, travel with your wife or friends. Don't you really want a bigger TV and a more comfortable sofa? Eat tastier, in short, live much better than you live today. And be firmly confident in the future. After all, if God forbid, of course, what happens tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, what a serious problem, and you don’t have the opportunity to help yourself, then later, you will definitely reproach and blame only yourself. Why bring it to this. Earn for a rainy day and not only, and everything will be fine. At sea or in the mountains, in Paris or Venice, it's better and much more interesting than at home on the couch. Well, get up today, work, and tomorrow or the day after tomorrow - you will no longer lie on the couch, but on the beach under palm trees.

Of course, I do not call for the fact that material wealth is nowhere cooler! But damn, there are so many interesting and cool things in the world that you want to try, see. Do you really want nothing at all? Is it really better to lie on the couch until the end of days? What to travel, or something else interesting to do at your leisure. It is these desires and ambitions that make a person work and earn.

Hello, I'm 21 years old, I'm a 4th year student at the institute, I live with my parents. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. my boyfriend is 21 years old studying at a medical university in his 3rd year, as he lost 2 years due to a year in college after school and a year in the army, he also lives with his parents. We have a difference in studies of 2 years, that is, I will already work while he studies. He cannot work because studies do not provide such an opportunity, he studies from morning to evening, and after school we walk. Parents give him money, so there are no movies and cafes, respectively, I have to walk in the cold in the evenings, this does not suit me , but I can’t do anything, I suggest finding at least some job, he refuses to study, he says there is no time if I go to work, then we won’t see each other at all. we also have such a problem. that we live in different areas for 30-40 km, he is constantly in my district, not because he studies there. on weekends he doesn’t come, says his parents don’t give money for the trip, I can come to him and stay overnight, but I can’t constantly go to him, I think that this is not entirely correct. my parents treat him like a bankrupt guy who doesn’t want to work (although he just wants there is no such possibility) and that I will wait for him all the years until he finishes studying, and then he will supposedly leave me, but I don’t want to believe it, but On the other hand, I understand that I do not intend to endure this either. I have no right to bring home to me until he offers to marry him. this is how my parents think, they say that there will be 1000 of them and that you will bring them all home. so I have to walk in the cold. I understand the guy, he gets tired after school, wants to eat, but he has enough money for one bun and I can’t bring him home. I don’t know what to do to endure for 4 years until he finishes and goes to work, and there you can already move out to live somewhere. We have already thought about moving out, but we won’t have enough money for living, even if we work together .just when I finish and start working, it seems to me that I will no longer need such a guy who does not work. Today I told my boyfriend that I give an indefinite period of time to think whether he wants to be with me or not. at least some work, so that in the evening they could at least sit somewhere and not freeze, and if not, then we will part completely. help me what to do.

Psychologists Answers

Good afternoon, what are you waiting for help from?

Advice? Are you missing them from your parents?

“I want everything now and as I imagine it” - the position of the child.

“He doesn’t want to work… I offered him…” – the position of a parent.

You just need to decide on your position in life in this situation and with this person, which will allow you to solve many issues in your life.

good day, Elena!

As far as I understand from the letter, correct me if not true, the main problem in a relationship with a guy is the financial condition, his and yours. The parents refused to share the material resources of the family because the guy does not inspire confidence in them, and they do not want to feed another student. The guy does not have the physical ability to work, and his parents do not give more money than for travel and food, cafes and movies with a girl are not provided in the budget.
Almost a classic story according to Shakespeare, with the difference that the confrontation takes place in the economic plane - yours put pressure on you, him on him. How to proceed?
The first attempt at a solution has already been made - we thought together. The second attempt - the guy is given an ultimatum, work or "I will no longer need a guy who does not work." If the ultimatum works, he will not feel very good, if it does not work, and the relationship deteriorates, you will think that you have ruined everything. Does the indefinite period presuppose the preservation of relations in their current form or are there any restrictions? Does he know about them?
Try to think with your boyfriend about the future in terms of marriage. While you are thinking about living together, the guy is perceived as a comfortable roommate, or uncomfortable. Husband, wife are perceived differently, their relationship is regulated by something other than material or social attributes. Good luck.