Girls are extremely emotional creatures, so it is very difficult to understand when their mood deteriorates, and how to cheer up a girl is an extremely difficult question. You need to clearly understand what you can joke about, and what you should keep silent about. Numerous tips can be found on various sites, but do not take all the written methods personally, as the girls are different, and each needs a different approach. Try to trust your instincts, and analyze the situation in the current situation. It will be easy if you know your girlfriend, and if you have just started dating, there is only trial and error.

You have decided to meet a new girl, well, write to her, give her a compliment, add a funny picture, music or video to the message. Believe me, this is a good start for dating or just cheer up and cheer up your girlfriend.

If your chosen one has been with you for quite a long time, and you have accumulated your joint photos, a video where you are happy, send it to her, write a corresponding note to the photo - this will not leave her indifferent.

If you recently started dating a girl and you want to chat with her, but frequent calls will have a bad effect at the beginning of a relationship, it doesn’t matter that there is an SMS message, and we will tell you how to cheer up a girl in correspondence, and what you shouldn’t joke about especially when she is sad.

So, the most important thing is not to write poems, short messages are the key to success. Mostly girls do not like:

• Jokes on them;
• Black humor;
• When they swear;
• Vulgar jokes.

Therefore, you don’t need to watch programs like Comedy before correspondence in order to conquer her with your “brilliant” humor, which she may simply not understand. Here are some examples of SMS for a girl:

1. You know, I'm already so tired of waiting, it seems to me that in the evening you will want to call me on a date =);
2. When we meet, promise not to laugh, I have prepared a love poem for you!;
3. I have no strength, no desire to get up this morning, if I do not meet your shining eyes in the crowd.

And now, let's look at how to cheer up a girl in correspondence if she is sad, because a positive attitude always helps to improve relations, even at a distance. Try not to bring up sad topics when she is in a bad mood, let her feel that at any time of the day, no matter how far apart you are, she can rely on you and feel loved and desired.

When texting, do not talk about the fact that you talked with any other girl - this will only upset her, let her know that she is the only one for you. Tell us what funny situations you have happened to your friends, colleagues during the day.

What would be most pleasant for her, and her mood would rise, use such words as “bunny”, “baby” and other gentle words in her address. After such messages, your girlfriend will stop being sad.

Decided to go on a date, do not know how to cheer up a girl? Exactly, do not try to become a humor guru, it will not help you. Behave naturally and not forced, the only way you can conquer your chosen one. If she is sad, try to cheer her up, surprise her. Passing by the flowers, buy her them or a delicious chocolate bar, a toy.

Try to give her a memorable date, go to the theater, the zoo, or listen to a local band. Firstly, she will obviously like it, and secondly, it will cheer her up.

If you have been with your girlfriend for a long time, make surprises for her, which she will definitely like, which she has long dreamed of. If her mood is at zero, then try to find out what's the matter, what worries her. Of course, she will answer that everything is fine, but still do not stop, persuade her to tell you. But do not repeat one question all the time, find a way. When she tells you, don't be macho and think that her sadness isn't worth your effort. Show that you are not only her boyfriend, but also a friend who is always ready to support in difficult times.

On a date, you can easily cheer up your girlfriend by telling a joke, a funny fact about yourself, or a story your friend told you. Just do not try to memorize the text, everything should look at ease, and on the topic.

After reading this article, you will be able to put our advice into practice, the main thing is to be confident in yourself, be yourself, cheerful, and you will easily be able to withstand the yoke of female emotions. Which will lead you to strengthen the relationship, or maybe you will conquer the girl you liked for a long time, with whom you just corresponded and she will go on a date with you.

Discussion: 10 comments

I have long wanted to find information on how to cheer up a girl in correspondence. I myself have “zero” fantasy, but I clearly understand the importance of positive emotions in communicating with the opposite sex. Tried one of the options given in the article. I don’t know if Katya (that’s my girlfriend’s name) was laughing, but the meeting went well.

I read a million tips on the Internet on how to cheer up a girl in VK. But I think that here it is necessary to proceed from the situation and the nature of the interlocutor. I've had girlfriends who just needed a silly joke or a light "divorce" to add to the mood. Now I've changed the style. In online communication, I focus on officialdom, and in real life I start joking.

What I can definitely confirm is the dislike of girls for black humor. Although, there are exceptions here too. My past passion was very fond of such jokes and even knew how to “compose” them herself. So it is worth proceeding from the character of the girl, individually select “keys” to her.

I met with different types of girls, but most of all I like laughter girls by nature. They are open, bright, light and cheerful. It's easy with them. You feel like a real "Petrosyan" and you want to joke endlessly. But there are also dull natures who are UNREAL to cheer.

Thanks for the article, because I learned a lot of interesting things for myself. Only one problem - with a sense of humor somehow did not work. I'm always serious in dealing with girls and can't change myself. Because of this, many acquaintances ended after the first meetings. What to do?

From my "bell tower" I can say that humor in dealing with girls is the main key to success. If you manage to keep the interlocutor positive, this is already half the battle. There is enough depression in life, so young ladies are drawn to cheerful guys. It's 100%. Just be fun.

As for souvenirs and their effectiveness, I checked it for myself. At each meeting with a girl, he tried to bring something as a gift. Nothing expensive, of course - the usual knick-knacks from the souvenir shop or handmade. I have a bad sense of humor, so I tried to compensate in this way. Works.

The hardest thing is to make a girl laugh over SMS. It is also bad that you do not see the real reaction - only guesses. I tried to joke many times, and in response I received only “Ha-ha” or a smiling emoticon. It is difficult to understand whether you hit the mark or froze another stupidity.

Guys, I can give you one piece of advice. Don't try to be funny and witty - be it. Do not be afraid to say something stupid, because such platitudes often amuse girls even more. Believe me, the young lady will appreciate the efforts. That's how I met my wife. He just carried all sorts of nonsense and tried to cheer - it worked.

A good joke removes stiffness in communication, creates a relaxed atmosphere. Girls appreciate a sense of humor, so check out the tips on how to cheer up a girl in correspondence.

You can cheer up a girl in VK correspondence by telling a funny incident from your own life. You can tell something interesting and funny from the life of friends and relatives. Just avoid saying anything defamatory or vulgar.

The ability to laugh at oneself is worthy of respect, self-irony is always perceived as proof of intelligence and modesty. Learn to treat your failures with humor.

To communicate with girls, keep a few anecdotes ready in mind. Just keep in mind that these jokes should not contain obscene words and even hints of vulgarity.

It's easy to make a girl laugh if she treats you well. Sometimes even a story that is not entirely funny meets a girl’s willingness to laugh. If you notice that the girl laughs even when it's not very funny, this is a sign that she likes the narrator, although his stories are not funny.

The girl will like a joke with a hidden compliment. For example, if you tell her that she reminds someone of her character. The main thing is not to slide down to primitive flattery.

Jokes with elements of comparison of completely different objects and phenomena are successful. The ability to see something in common in different things is perceived by a girl as a sign of liveliness of imagination and mind.

You can successfully joke about your studies, about the paradoxes of life and nature. Clever jokes will not only make girls laugh, but also serve as a way to demonstrate your broad outlook, erudition and erudition.

It is difficult to list all the things that can cheer up a girl, it depends on your imagination and the development of a sense of humor.

How not to mix

Sometimes guys find it difficult to come up with a smart joke and replace good humor with primitive clowning, snickering and antics. This is a sure way to disappoint a girl.

• Never make fun of the girl herself, if you are not sure that she will accept and understand the joke. An inappropriate or evil joke can offend your friend and lose her forever.
• Pseudo-funny phrases with distorted and slang words are not allowed. The misunderstood popularity of youth slang may not please a girl if she herself does not speak like that.
• Don't try to make a girl laugh when she's drunk. A drunk person is funny, but at the same time disgusting.
• On the global network, you can find videos - examples of bad jokes, when a girl is scared, trying to make her laugh. We must not forget about tact and a sense of proportion.
• When meeting a girl, avoid making jokes about sexuality and sex: this can be regarded as vulgarity.

Fun and laughter liberate people, making them closer and causing a desire to meet more often. It is because of this that the guys think about how to make the girl laugh. In this matter, you need to be observant and very careful. Humor and jokes will only be useful if the girl understands them.

How to make a girl laugh - a date is not a circus

Have you ever wondered why the word "clown" is commonly used as a condemnation? It seems that everything should be the other way around, as clowns try to give people joy and laughter. Their behavior is unnatural and in most cases causes negativity and repulsion. If you want to win over a girl, then this behavior is unacceptable. Who needs a relationship when a guy will literally and figuratively fall on a banana peel, and a girl will laugh.

How to make a girl laugh - be natural

A sense of humor is an innate quality. To improve this side, heed our advice:

• Prepare for defeat. Even comedians have hard days when all the jokes will only cause displeased grimaces on the girl's face. In this case, you need to laugh it off that your system for delivering jokes is broken. In no case can not say that you do not know how to joke, even if it's true. The girl will immediately think: "I'm bored with him."
• Train and improve. You should be able to come up with jokes for any situation. The more often you do this, the faster you will succeed in stressful situations.
• To convey humor, use body language. Your body position, facial expression, tone of voice and movement affect how you communicate. Feel free to show yourself, you can even make faces. Actor Jim Carrey is a prime example.

How to make a girl laugh - memorize jokes

Jokes are a good way to make people laugh. Set a rule for yourself - read 10 jokes every day. You do not need to cram large portions into yourself at a time, everything should be gradual, in portions. If you read a good joke, then tell it to several people during the day. Only in this way will you be able to remember them forever and use them as soon as you need them.

How to make a girl laugh over text

Almost all boys and girls communicate on social networks. Before you think about this question, you need to look at the girl's page and analyze it. You need to understand what will delight her, what she likes and what kind of humor can be used here.

• Send the girl a funny image with animals and come up with an interesting inscription.
• Find a funny photo, upload it to your page and tag the girl you want to cheer up on it. There are many photographs of someone's cool deeds or failures. In any case, the girl will notice this joke and react to it.
• Comment on her photos. If your sense of humor is not too developed, then ask a friend for help. Don't use overly ironic humor. It should be something pleasant and flirtatious.
• Send a girl a funny story or a well-worn anecdote. The story should be related to any entry on the girl's page.
• Send the girl a gift with a funny comment.

You should not only make the girl laugh, but also interest her in your personality.

How to make a girl laugh - laugh together

Laughter is highly contagious, and sharing laughter can strengthen your bond and bring you closer. You can laugh spontaneously, or you can go to a place where the two of you cannot stop laughing.

• Imitate the jokes of the girl herself - this is a good way to laugh together. If a girl is not shy about indecent jokes, then you can afford such jokes. Everything should be natural: if your jokes are soft and light, then trying to fit in with sarcastic and black humor will look forced.
• Joking in the style of a girl is only possible if you understand her well. She may be confused and not know how to respond correctly - forgive her confusion.
• Ask her about her favorite TV shows, comedies or comedians. Watch them together and mention them in conversation. This will help you relax and create a fun atmosphere.

14.11.2016

What is real tequila?

According to Mexican state law, only a drink containing at least 51% liqueur made from the nectar of a plant called "blue agave" can be called tequila. When businessmen from South Africa began to produce their own “tequila” from an agave-like plant in the early 2000s, Mexican diplomats made it clear that such a business could negatively affect relations between countries, and the South Africans were forced to give in to such powerful pressure and rename their drink. in Agave.

5 Relatively Good Dictators Who Benefited Their Country

Why is whiskey brown?

Most whiskey varieties do not initially have a noble reddish-brown hue, which, like amber, is admired by connoisseurs of this drink. A fully prepared drink is transparent, like vodka or moonshine. The color is added at the end of production by heating the oak barrels to form a "red layer" on the inside of the wood, thanks to the wood sugar and caramelized tannins. These substances are absorbed by the whiskey and give it a hint of oak.

Dream motif

Paul McCartney said he wrote the tune "Yesterday" in his sleep. When he woke up, he could not understand for a long time whether he had heard this melody before, or if he dreamed about it. For a whole month, Paul played the tune to various people, asking if they'd ever heard it before? For a long time he could not believe that he composed it himself, since the motive seemed to him too simple and seemed familiar. Eventually McCartney took the plunge and wrote the lyrics. The song became such a hit that everyone heard it nowadays.

What is "intermittent" rain

"Short-term" rain is rain that will last no more than three hours. This and other phrases invented by the employees of the Hydrometeorological Center for weather forecasts have a very specific, and not abstract, meaning. For example, "rain is expected" means that the expected duration of rain is at least 12 hours. And "without significant precipitation" is translated as "moisture will fall no more than a third of a liter per square meter."

Bouncers for export

There is a village in India that "exports" male bouncers for the country's bars. All the boys in this village train for four hours a day and eat high-protein foods to build muscle. Upon reaching adulthood, the men leave the village and take jobs in nightclubs and bars.

wind eggs

Occasionally, hens lay eggs without shells at all or with soft shells. Obviously, this is due to a lack of calcium in the body of the chicken. In England, such eggs are popularly called "wind eggs", since, according to legend, a hen that laid such an egg was fertilized not by a rooster, but by the wind. Find out the most important facts about eggs that Roskontrol recommends for everyone to know.

People drown silently

When someone drowns, he does not scream or call for help. In order to make a sound, we need air in our lungs, and in order to shout, we need to take a deep breath. Unfortunately, the process of drowning assumes that you do not have the opportunity to inhale, as the lungs will fill with water. You can literally drown in front of your loved ones, without having any way to call for help. Keep this in mind when you're on the beach: drowning people don't scream.

City under one roof

In Alaska, there is an unusual city of Whittier. Its uniqueness lies in the fact that almost all residents live and work literally under one roof. The entire population of the city - almost 200 people - lives in a 14-story building that used to be an army barracks built in 1956. There is no higher and bigger house in Alaska. The building, called Begich Towers, houses a police station, a clinic, two shops, a church and a laundry. Sometimes residents do not even change into slippers and pajamas when, for example, they go to the store in the morning or look into the police station. A small number of Whittier residents travel to work in Anchorage, which is located 105 kilometers away, through a special tunnel.

The funniest phrases! (Selection)
Nerves in the cell do not recover ...
Don't deny a woman anything.
Chips is the ability to sell one potato for the price of a kilogram.
Our answer to juice "I" is vodka "Y"!
I’ll break into a cake, but I’ll fly to the ground!
Pinocchio lay motionless in the clearing, and woodpeckers circled like black crows above him ...
For many years now, the Russian people have been pumping rights. So far managed to download about 20%.
A boy was found in the jungle, raised by a herd of elephants. Oh, you should have seen what he does with logs without the help of ryk!
They say that in the desert the sand is so hot that you can cook scrambled eggs on it. That's why camels have such long legs...
A genius sleeps in any of us, and every day it gets stronger.
Looking for a guinea pig. Experienced Bunny.
Ilya Muromets lay on the stove for 30 years and 3 years ... Rus' has never known such a hangover!
Scientists finally managed to cross a skunk and a parrot. Now this animal is at least apologizing.
A man should be a little more beautiful than a monkey. A woman is a little smarter.
It is interesting to watch an obstetrician taking a tomato out of a 3-liter jar ...
If you want to be big like an elephant, eat methandrostenolone!
It’s good in Siberia in the summer: there is no snow for a whole month ...
Vodka, vodka, cucumber. Here the man fell asleep!
Lyosha had one apple, and Lyova had four. Determine the nationality of each boy.
With the help of a bottle of vodka, the stool easily turns into a rocking chair.
Every autumn evening I like to sit at home and stare blankly at the wallpaper. On the wallpaper are my hairy legs.
If God wanted us to think only with our heads, he would have made us koloboks.
Relatives are a group of people who are going to periodically count and have a tasty meal about a change in their number.
Something happened to my memory. For some reason I don't have enough...
My left Faberge itched.
A woman is a weak, defenseless creature, from which it is impossible to escape.
A real hamster has to do three things in his life: eat, sleep and die...
The Chinese hacked into the Pentagon website, each tried one password.
And I want to and prick, - said the bestialist, looking at the hedgehog.
The modest will not die of modesty - they are shy...
The Tyumen region is similar in size to France. It doesn't look like France anymore...
Let's renounce the old world, shake it off the fuck with bast shoes!
Vodka is not a vice, but a cure for complexes.
The collective farm is voluntary. If you want - join, if you don't want - give the cow back.
Experience and alcoholism will always win over youth and enthusiasm...
As a result of hard training, the gymnast Petrov became in perfect control of his body. And now he doesn't care about other bodies.
Our kitty also did not like the vacuum cleaner at first, and then nothing - she got involved.
Snack vodka with something nutritious, like beer.
Grabbed the tug - do not forget to go to the shower.
Guys, don't trust the Chat Girls. Everyone has children and even grandchildren. Another beard And a smoky sweater, And next to it stands At least a liter ...
A cat walking by itself is a Mobius cat.
It is better to sweat seven times than frost once.
Women are such touching creatures, so I would touch and touch ...
In beer there is strength, in wine there is health, in cognac there is nobility, and in water there are microbes...
Lean into a snowdrift, feel like a laser.
The world is ruled by love, and she, as you know, is blind and evil.
Tell me, uncle, is it not for nothing that you hid here with a radar?
The elephant is a hybrid of the weevil, silver carp and cheburashka.
Russian scientists managed to cross a rabbit and a mole. The little animal doesn't see a damn thing, BUT THAT'S WHEN IT GROUPS...
They also crossed an elephant with an elephant. for nothing, just to look around ...
Pharmaceuticals: the science of the command format c:
I drank the muck - the soul joy!
Faberge. Self-portrait. Fragment.
If in the morning your wife does not talk to you, it means that the booze was a success!
If you have problems with your wife, you need to finish with your girlfriends.
Loneliness is when there is E-mail, and only the mailing server sends letters!
Born to crawl on his head will not spoil ... An optimist.
Announcements at the airport: - I wanted to land the plane operating flight No. 13 ...
Broker falls far from the pager. (Killer)
Are you warm girl? Are you warm blue...
Inscription in the toilet: Nothing good will come of you!
Yesterday I stood, and you came today.
An insane woman is a woman who, at the end of sexual intercourse, screams “Not at me!!!”
Not caught, not high
If the smoke spreads along the ground - go back and turn off the iron, if it rises in a column - you can no longer return.
If the left hand itches - for money, if the nose - for a drink, if both - for a drink for free
Cats have a sign: if a negro crosses the road ...
If a husband gives flowers for no reason, then there is a reason after all
If a woman has a ring on her hand, then she is most likely married. If - beads, then it does not mean anything. If the ring and beads - she is married, but that does not mean anything
A screw driven in with a hammer holds tighter than a nail driven in with a screwdriver.
If you want to feel like a star, sit on the Christmas tree!
I came - thank you, I left - thank you very much ...
Life is given to a person once, and mostly by chance ...
On the fact of the disappearance of her husband initiated ... two neighbors
Better with Petrov in Mallorca than with a major in Petrovka
Never be afraid to do what you can't. Remember, the ark was built by an amateur. Professionals built the Titanic.
If you watch TV, you must have noticed that the good guys always beat the bad guys, except for the nine o'clock news.
Citizens! Fly with Aeroflot! Hurry! There are very few of them left.
If you think nicotine doesn't affect a woman's voice, try shaking the ashes onto the carpet.
When a woman says that she has nothing to wear, it means that everything new has ended. When a man says that he has nothing to wear, it means that everything clean has ended.
A speed bump is a good thing - it regulates the speed, and it's nice to move.
Russians call the road the place where they are going to pass.
If relatives or friends do not call you for a long time, then they are doing well.
Well, not just where we are not, but where we have never been!
To help you or not to interfere?
Often looking at a woman in the morning, you realize with horror that the fact that you seduced her yesterday was not your merit, but her merit.
When there is only one wife in the family, she grows up selfish.
There are three reasons for non-attendance: forgot, washed down or scored.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
The Russian tank is not as scary as its drunken crew.
No matter how you turn - well ... pas behind.
And the wolves are full, and the sheep are safe, and the shepherd has eternal memory.
If you have a wonderful wife, an amazing mistress, a cool car, no problems with the authorities and tax authorities, and when you go out into the street the sun always shines and passers-by smile at you - say NO to drugs!
Mosquitoes are much more humane than some women, so if a mosquito drinks your blood, at least it stops buzzing.
There are three ways to do something: do it yourself, hire someone else, or stop your kids from doing it.
Life hasn't worked out, of course, but everything else is fine.
It is not difficult to make a woman happy, it is difficult to remain happy yourself.
If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same.
A properly abandoned husband will definitely return like a boomerang.
I have the utmost respect for the monstrous choice of my people.
When time is short, there is no time for friendship, only love.
The laziness of a simple Russian person is not a sin, but an absolutely necessary means of neutralizing the ebullient activity of the fools who lead him.
Laughing for no reason is a sign that you are either an idiot or a pretty girl.
Sorry, I'm saying when you interrupt.
The lottery is the most accurate way to account for the number of optimists.
A real woman must cut down a tree, destroy a house and raise a daughter.
The patient went on the mend. But it didn't.
Send in four toilet lids and you'll get a free toilet paper roll!
The stupid get married and the smart get married.
American universities are where Russian Jews teach math to Chinese.
Freud's nightmare is Mobius' phallus.
Life goes by so quickly, as if it is not interested in us ...
Pickle is the drink of tomorrow.
Laziness is subconscious wisdom.
There are people in whom God lives. There are people in whom the devil lives. And there are people in whom only worms live. (F. Ranevskaya)
There comes a time in every man's life when clean socks are easier to buy.
About wives: There is only a moment between the past and the future. That is what is called life.
A well-mannered man will not make remarks to a woman who does not carry a sleeper well.
Milk is doubly funnier if after cucumbers.
There are two infinities - the Universe and stupidity. However, I'm not sure about the universe. (Albert Einstein)
A woman is not a sparrow - you can’t feed a fly
It is not enough to know your own worth - you must also be in demand.
Take care of your homeland - relax abroad.
Turned the girl's head so that she was sick for 9 months.
She came to Siberia and ruined all his penal servitude there.
Women, like children, love to say no. Men, like children, take it seriously.
The highest degree of embarrassment - two glances that met in the keyhole.
Everything is going well, except...
If you are calm, and people around you are running around screaming in a panic - perhaps you don’t “understand ...
Nostalgia is when you want to return, but nowhere.
It's hard to get into history, but it's easy to fall into it.
If you have found the woman of your dreams, you can say goodbye to the rest of your dreams.
Hurry is when you poop and shave at the same time.
It's a shame when your dreams come true for others!
In some, the main hemispheres are protected by the skull, in others by the pants.
The Internet is the best way to satisfy your curiosity for your employer's money.
If you get your ass licked, don't relax - it's lube!
Teaching - learning the rules; experience is the study of exceptions.
It's nice when everyone noticed that you said something smart, but when no one noticed that you said something stupid, it's doubly nice.
My dad's favorite aphorism, coined by himself: "Fools are not mammoths, they will not die out."
- Girl, you smell so nice ... What did you drink today ...
If the mountain does not go to Mohammed, ... It means that the grass was not very ...
Girl, why are you looking at me as if your parents had left for the country?!
On her face was the satisfaction he received.
Maybe you and the key to the apartment where the girls squeal?
There are no Perpetual Motion Machines in the world, but there are plenty of Perpetual Brakes.
Thumb boy grew up and became an ass-handle!
The three men admired the fountain. Then they buttoned up and left
If the bolt needs to be hammered in carefully, it is screwed
If you were hit on your right cheek, turn your left ... Then go under the elbow and from the bottom to the jaw
A geek is either a diagnosis or a sexual orientation
There are two types of pedestrians: nimble and dead!
whoever is worth it, he talks about that!
The weightlifter set a record in the clean and jerk... Finnish plumbing survived!
(Slogan in the workshop) CUM - CLEAN THE MACHINE!
But it wasn’t a joint, thought the Australian ostrich flying over the Russian hinterland
Don't pick your nose, you'll scratch your brain...
Drunk Russian hacker is practically invincible!
The less you will be on the Internet - the children will be healthier!
Learn from the mistakes of your ancestors - wear condoms.
Not everything is manda that is black and furry ... - the hedgehog thought as he ran away from the gorilla.
The highest degree of gaming skill is when the gamer and the computer slow down synchronously
If the girl's heart is closed - knock on the kidneys
Woodpeckers caught groundhogs at the crime scene, to death
The mouse ran with its tail and waved it - how it will carry it, how it f ... no against the wall
It ran down his mustache, but it didn't get into his mouth. Mystery. For gays.
ANY GIRL WILL BE AT YOUR FEET, THE MAIN THING IS TO GET IN HER JAW FROM THE FIRST Blow ...
The best contraceptive is an aspirin tablet sandwiched between the knees
The girl vowed not to e ... ate !!! For ... the girl was dabbling to renounce !!!
The computer does not obey the laws of physics. Only in it glitches arise from nothing, files disappear into nowhere, and the volume is measured in meters and is called weight.
If your cat is tired of you - do not rush to throw it away: it can make a wonderful rabbit in sour cream!
Hedgehog with a hangover became just anti-tank.
Of all my wife's relatives, I like me the most.
Treat people the way you want them to treat you. Give your husband pantyhose!
Often you hope that a person is covering your back, but it turns out that he is just hiding behind it.
-When was democracy born? -When God brought Adam to Eve and said, "Choose your wife."
In the life of Natasha Rostova there was only one man who could do whatever he wanted with her. His name was Leo Tolstoy.
The old man threw a net into the blue sea. Blurred blue sea. The old man has not washed his net for a long time.
Yesterday, at a reception in the Kremlin, the wife of the American ambassador refused to eat pears, citing the fact that she knows how they are fooled around in Russia ...
Mothers love their children more than fathers because they are more sure that these are their children ... / Aristotle 384-322 BC
If you drink two hundred grams, drink three hundred - a matter of honor!
The best husbands are civil servants: they never come home tired, and their newspaper is always read by this time.
The commandment of a bureaucrat: the more paper, the cleaner the ass.
Lenin ordered to "Bury Forever"
"Na-Na" in English is "Take That".
You can't ruin a beautiful woman with makeup.
Do not spit in the well - there is an ammunition depot.
Your pussy would buy Whiskas... hold Murka tight.
In the company of a jamb, time flies unnoticed ...
There is no such pure and bright thought that a Russian person would not be able to express in a dirty obscene form.
Freebie! How much this word has merged for the Russian heart!
If you have a wonderful wife, an amazing lover, a cool car, no problems with the authorities and tax authorities, and when you go out into the street the sun always shines and passers-by smile at you - say NO to drugs.
Better Finnish vodka in warm company than warm vodka in Finnish company.
Head of Administration.
I would beat you, but it's a pity for your teeth.
Democracy with elements of dictatorship is like constipation with elements of diarrhea.
Positive emotions arise only if you put everything on.
Under a stingy king, the role of the jester is played by the king himself.
In view of the absence of everything else, foreigners usually say that they liked our people the most here.
Quieter you champ, you eat more.
If the birth rate rises sharply, then something is behind it.
tax infection.
Eating is much more interesting than losing weight.
Every day your wife Masha.
Do not go too far - the population is already falling.
A samurai differs from a surgeon in that when cutting the stomach, he knows why he is doing it.
My phone rang... Who is speaking... OMON
To neglect is not to abuse enough.
Justice, stand at least sometimes on the side of those who are on your side!
A distinctive feature of most natives is philanthropy.
A lazy person is a person who does not pretend to work.
Saving is a way to spend money without any pleasure.
Computer games have made a monkey out of man!
Evening darkness is more pleasant than morning darkness.
The subscriber is in the zone and is temporarily unavailable.
Nothing ruins a target like a hit.
Morning of Russia (dedicated on 01.01.01.) Mineral water in the morning is not a luxury, but a means of transportation.
The number of fools is growing, but the quality is falling.
What do smokers think when they smoke? - They kill their horse.
Maturity is the age when we are still young, but with much more difficulty.
The cow is a creature chewing on the landscape.
Life is a continuous celebration. But not always yours
I'll take it off. Damage.
I bewitch. I'll take the damage. I turn away. I freeze.
Treatment of skin diseases with a new method. (Company "7 skins")
An experienced specialist eliminates excess weight in society. ("Herbalifeist")
Stroyupravlenie N13 requires fitters of 3rd, 4th and 5th electrical discharges.
Chicken legs. Three years warranty.(Plastic toys factory)
A team of qualified finishers will finish you and your apartment.
At a reasonable price, we organize applause turning into ovations for local and visiting candidates for deputies.
I'm renting an apartment for a very long time. My term is 5 years of strict regime. Tel. 02-02-02. Ask Blue
I inform the people who stole my yellow Moskvich last night: the brakes on it are faulty, the steering wheel is jammed, both rear wheels have been removed. Be extremely careful on the road.
Rolled ferrous and non-ferrous metals. The minimum distance is 3 km. Payment is hourly. Apply in writing after 6 pm.
I will sell a wooden two-legged table (for a fee).
I will sell a sofa dvuhpolovinny-sleeping (for remuneration).
I will sell the TV in a set, except a tube (for remuneration).
I will sell good, selected things (I selected it myself). Contact me right in the morning.
Who will buy everything at once - a big reward (I put a liter).
I'm submitting a plot. (Policeman)
Selling Something. Don't buy it you idiots! Tel. 09-123-14. Razdiralov
Renting an errand boy. Mileage 250 km.
The brothel N2 of De Bosch will acquire upholstered furniture. Barter possible.
High security UV-12 facility will purchase armored beds.
Period discounts available.
All types of finishing works. Contact the police department.
I will take care of the elderly.
I'm throwing money away and derailing trains. JSC "Son of Partisan Bender".
For thrill seekers! I'll give you change if you try. Unique sustainable taste!
Employees are required. Companions. Drinking buddies.
The chief accountant is looking for a position. Don't offer prison.
Cinema them. Mayakovsky invites deceived depositors to watch the feature film "Gone with the Wind"
Dandruff can ruin everything. We suggest you use a carpet beater: knock - and no dandruff!
"Patisochik" - look at the world in Japanese. Our TV - 1 cm diagonal - will make you squint.
Garlic "Siberian" - a unique super-stable taste! Now without sugar!
We buy little by little. Tel. 17−18−906. Vasya and Petechka.
Cold weapons of all kinds. Direct deliveries from the refrigerator in Moscow.
The organization will purchase your apartment as soon as possible. Your consent is not required.
Get rid of freckles. (Razor razor)
I will send a method for increasing height (up to 55 cm per year). (Sperm)
Lost shepherd dog of Caucasian nationality.
Grandfather for rap! Grandma for grandpa! Who is against? Against no!!! (Rap fan club)
JV Haifa International. All types of services. Sex reassignment and circumcision over the phone.
An experienced medical specialist establishes any diagnosis at the request of the customer!
The tank unit will buy the White House for demolition.
Do-it-yourself shop now sells "Tutorial on Abortion"
A decision has been made to open a museum of military figures - exhibits are being accepted!
The first issue of the aviation-erotic magazine "Playboying" was published.
I invite girls without complexes for customer service. Tel. 90−60−90
Magic: black, white, red, checkered, striped, polka dot. Tel. 666−666
Intimate fax and pager services.
Buy cookies for masochists! "Twix" is a sweet vice.
The less we love a woman, the more time for sleep.
The girl takes the man to the theater to know whether to go to his house or not, and the man takes the girl home to find out whether to take her to the theater.
Even a mother-in-law can be a kind and sympathetic person. But no one has seen it, and never will.
My friend's wife is not a woman to me. But if she's pretty...he's not my friend!
My wife was born under the earth sign. I was born under the sign of water. Together we create dirt.
I knew sex at the age of 13, what a pity that I was alone.
A woman's best friends are her legs. But even the best friends break up because of men!
There is only one love in life, but its object is constantly changing.
For a man, old age comes when a naked woman makes him not shiver, but chills
Listen to a woman and do the opposite ... And then turn her over and do as she wants ...
White Dinner! Ladies feed men!
Evil love. One hope that Vera is kinder.
Man's strength is in woman's weakness.
So many men, so little time.
The motto of a bachelor is better milk from the refrigerator than a cow in the kitchen.
If you want to but can't, then you don't really want to.
Any married man should forget about his mistakes - there is no need for two people to remember the same thing.
In fact, the man is just an experimental model. But a woman, in fact, is just a part of this model.
A woman always chooses the best possible option - after she rejects the correct one offered by a man.
A woman hides her past from a man, and a man hides her future from a woman.
White and fluffy can be old and gray.
A woman must be loved in such a way that it does not occur to her that someone else can love her more.
Why is one of two lovers always a bitch?
If a woman does not look at you, this does not mean that she does not see you.
When a man feels bad, he is looking for a woman. When a man feels good, he looks for another one.
Women have their own logic, men think; all men are bastards, women think.
Love is when the mind looks, looks at all this, tries to say something a couple of times, sighs, shrugs and moves away.
Women's motto: "Fight and seek, find and ... do not give!!!"
To turn to face life, you need to stand behind your wife!
A married man is like a fly landing on sticky paper: it's sweet and boring, and you can't fly away.
A woman is the exact opposite of a dog. The dog understands everything, but cannot say anything.
Today I suddenly realized: I am either married or happy.
With such boys, future warriors, our girls can sleep peacefully!
Love is not just for you ... you have to deal with it!
I love it when the wife is right, here is the mistress - the right wife!
A man is a person who finds it easier to die for the woman he loves than to live with her.
His manhood is already in my throat.
How many beautiful girls. And I love a married man.
Three periods in a woman's life. In the first, she gets on the nerves of her father, in the second, her husband, and in the third, her son-in-law.
A woman can do everything, and a man can do everything else.
The registry office is the only institution where money is paid for marriage.
A gentleman is a man I just haven't gotten to know yet.
Love is all. And that's all we know about her.
The girl you want to put is a positive girl.
Good men don't lie on the road. They lie on the sofa.
There comes a time in every man's life when clean socks are easier to buy.
The man chases the woman until she catches him.
I have hands, I don't need a wife.
Yawning at the top of his mouth, a man shows his lack of culture, a woman demonstrates her capabilities ...
Only women's hands can lay asphalt so gently!
How smart a wife must be so that her husband does not doubt that she is a fool.
Men are always right, and women are never offended.
Marriage? Nonsense! A real man needs a babysitter!
It doesn't bother me that I'm already a grandfather. The only bad thing is that I'm married to my grandmother.
The first marriage is often unsuccessful because the woman is in a hurry to enter into it, and she is in a hurry because she wants to have time to enter into a second marriage if the first one turns out to be unsuccessful.
From a beloved woman, a man first goes blind, and then deafens ...
The second marriage is the victory of hope over life experience.
If a man marries because it's time, then it's too late.
Husbands are lovers who are very unlucky in life.
Every woman has at least two positive sides - back and stomach.
The authorities, as a woman, are dangerous to leave dissatisfied!
I don't like women who know their worth - I don't have that kind of money!
A woman is able to endure everything, and a man is also a bucket!
I am a man anywhere! Just need to find a place...
For love to be eternal, indifference must be mutual.
If a woman appreciates your time and nerves - does not complain about everything and everything, does not whine and does not scandal, then this means that you are simply indifferent to her.
A man is like a ball: if you let it out of your hands, it unravels; if you take it in your hands, it unwinds. There is only one way out - to firmly hold the tip.
A woman is like a literary translation. If she is good, then she is unfaithful, and if she is ugly, then no one is interested in her loyalty.
A man is a proud bird, until you kick it, it will not fly.
The strength of a woman is in her inability to deny her weaknesses.
A woman seems much taller if she has a man under her heel.
Apparently, God created a woman later because he did not want to listen to advice when creating a man.
Good cat and in December March.
Share your smile, and it will be remembered to you more than once ...
Nothing hurts a person like fragments of his own happiness.
Weak people sleep face down in lettuce. Strong - in dessert.
You want everything at once, but you get nothing and gradually.
And they lived soul to soul. He is in her soul, then she is in his soul
Life is sad, but the salary is ridiculous.
Only on your birthday do you find out how many unnecessary things are in the world.
People are divided into those who can be relied on and those who need to be relied on.
Good always conquers evil, so whoever wins is the good one.
You can look for a prince all your life, but you need a man every day!
A bald spot is a clearing trampled down by thoughts.
If she thinks that you eat and sleep a lot, then this is not your mother.
All men are brothers, but not all according to reason.
In Russia, an optimist is not the one who is the first to shout “Hurrah!”, but the one who is the last to shout “Hurray!”.
Fortune smiles on the brave... And then laughs at them for a long time!!!
Still, dogs are much less likely than people to piss in an elevator ...
It is not true that I am a completely worthless person: I am an example of what not to be.
Thoughts of suicide are killing me.
If girls ruin your school picture, quit your studies and start ruining girls.
I'm constantly haunted by smart thoughts, but I'm always faster.
Absolute truth does not exist - it is indisputable.
Good women go to heaven, and evil women are scattered throughout the world.
If a horse tells you that you are crazy, then you are.
Don't take life seriously, you won't get out of there alive anyway.
Nothing relieves drowsiness like a cup of strong, sweet, hot coffee splashed on your stomach.
The only doctor who thinks that everything is in order with you works in the military registration and enlistment office.
Announcement: I want to meet a woman. I can't say more about myself.
No matter how hard you work, there will always be a goat who works less and gets more ...
If a person does not respond to your letters, it means that he is busy with some other, more important nonsense.