“A man can always shine, shine everywhere. Well, what about me? - this question was asked by more than one woman, who was taught from childhood that her task was to be a shadow behind the broad shoulders of her man. I propose to talk about male and female roles in relationships and stereotypes around this topic.

Sun and moon

Quite unexpectedly, the topic “Man-Woman” began to revolve around me. That's what I thought about least of all, this. But there are so many different points of view around this controversial issue! I started writing an article, but put it off again. Apparently she was waiting for something else. And here it is. Bingo! Webinar by my mentor.

I know this man well, we have many similar views. I think he is quite wise and understands life. But what do I hear from him? That's right - a passage on this burning topic. His message is based on the wisdom of Eastern philosophy - he is an adept of it. But something tells me that the male ego has made corrections here too.

We are talking about female and male models in relationships. It doesn’t matter where: in marriage, in friendship, in business. He says this: a woman’s task is to praise her man, to light the light in him, not to star herself, not to dominate in the family and at work, to go into introversion and from there move her man to the stars.

And when a man is well-groomed, fed, treated kindly, promoted by his woman up the career ladder, etc., he will most likely throw all the blessings of the world at her feet. It is the woman's job to ensure that he supports her.

It seems like the Sun illuminates the Moon with its light, and only then does it become noticeable in the sky, not before. The moon trying to shine on itself is nonsense. The sun, as you understand, is a man. Luna is a woman.

And if, as a result of female courtship, a man carries a treasure chest to another woman, then for the first it is an excellent experience and training. “It’s like a business, baby,” he concluded.

The main idea of ​​his philosophy, as I understand it: idolize your man - and you will be rewarded. He will, perhaps, illuminate you, the dark, introverted Moon, with his divine light of the Sun. And only then can you shine too. And enjoy its benefits when it achieves greatness.

Only after this can you allow yourself to remember what you dreamed about during your free youth. Shouldn't we shake off the old days? Well, yes, well, yes... if there is strength, desire and energy left to realize them. Until then, kindle your divine Sun with all your might. Work, girl, work. Sculpt your god yourself.

Who knows, will you have time to shine the light yourself thanks to his gifts? Or will your beloved, like the thunder god, eventually overthrow you from Olympus and go looking for his goddess? After all, gods do not live with servants.

In the meantime, at this time, the contender for the role of god lies on the sofa. He sulks at his wife because she began to pay less attention to him with the birth of this small, always screaming and pooping baby. How dare the wife choose not him, who already has almost one foot on Olympus, but this small creature?

Adult - child

I came across a webinar about a female pickup truck - “how girls can milk millionaires.” The presenter (a man, by the way) taught: “Pretend to be a fool and praise him. Oh, what a fine fellow he is, how smart, dexterous...” (words and terms retained by the author).

I imagined the smartest man who made a huge fortune, deftly dodged the machinations of competitors and the betrayal of partners. And is it so stupid to buy into the flattery of a fool? Don't disappoint, men!

These ideas have something in common. For example, I talk to children this way. I am in the position of a parent, an adult. If I communicate with a man like this, he will always be a child to me.

In a family, the roles of partners are initially assumed, that is, equal, equal individuals: adult + adult + children.

Giver and Dominant

When getting married, coming to work, adults everywhere agree on the rules of the game. Appreciating, respecting, supporting, caring is the equal task of equal partners. These are normal human relationships from an internal heartfelt message, regardless of the place of application: be it in the family or in business.

If one of the couple decides to dominate, go ahead. Prove your exclusivity with deeds. Not with words. Not like this: “That’s it, from today I am the god Yarilo. Praise me. Because I am the Sun in my pants." Or: “I always decide everything myself for the simple reason that I am a man.”

If we proceed from the theory of Eastern philosophy (the Sun is male active energy, the Moon is female passive energy), then it is the man who is the giver. “Giving” starts with him!

A woman only accepts, transforms and returns to the man. And what a man gets in the end depends on:
the quality of what he gave the woman;
the inner state of the woman herself.

What does she transform his message into? If she is in a harmonious state, she will return the man’s harmonized potential for further victories. If she has discord inside, resentment, sacrifice, lack of self-acceptance - what will she return?
Male power, even filled with love, will fall like into a black hole.

But if a man gives bad energy, if he gives it at all, then the woman simply does not have enough internal resources to transform all this in an environmentally friendly way for the benefit of the family. Especially if she is an introvert. Maybe that’s why extroverted women are now so tightly dependent on society’s assessments on social networks - they are not replenished with resources in communicating with their loved ones? And here, as they say, what a man sows, he also reaps... All that remains for his woman is to pull everything through willpower.

In this case, the woman has every right to dominate. Why not? She was forced to change roles. She took on the role of the Sun - a male role. The role of parent and adult. And please, man, wipe your snot and put on your hat, since you stand in the same line with our children.

And there are women who are strong in their own right: strong, smart, talented, active, self-sufficient. They no longer prove anything to anyone. So on what basis should she pretend to be a fool? Is this an eco-friendly relationship when one is a star at the expense of the other?

Equal partnership

Still, everyone must start with themselves.

A man may ask himself: “Am I really a star? Do I have the potential for this? Do I need to change something about myself? Am I ready for an adult relationship? Am I ready to build a strong family based on equal partnership?”

And a woman will first establish peace within herself, accept her strengths and weaknesses. And he will not hide his logical, structured mind, willpower and spirit, albeit of the masculine type. And he won’t feel guilty that it doesn’t work out and he doesn’t want to pretend to be a fool.

And she will fall in love not with an imaginary man, but with a real one. And such a woman will not run headlong to get married, because society said: “It’s time, otherwise you will remain a girl - what a disgrace!” Then a man will be attracted to her so strong and wise that he will not shut up such a woman until his divine face shines.

This is an equal, conscious partnership between two adults. Enriching exchange of warmth, attention, care, support. Mutual growth and development.

What about other options?

How do relationships develop when there is no real partnership? There are two options:

Sacrifice that gives birth to monstrous idols.

Manipulation - relationships as business. The female pickup line “How to Milk a Millionaire” falls into this category.

We make the choice ourselves - who is closer to what. Then the result should be expected.

How are these female and male models implemented in business? What's in the owner's head is his business. If all his employees are quitters, thieves, traitors, then so be it. And he will shout at them, suspect and pull the business on himself, tearing his navel. Because delegating is scary. You can't trust anyone! Both men and women fall into this model.

Then it is better to accept a purely conditional division into female and male models of behavior, response to situations, and decision-making. You organize a business (and even a family) from a male model (logic, structure, planning, order), and manage people from a female one (smart delegation). This is just a role model, which is not determined by gender.

From the editor

Attitudes about the typical female and typical male roles are often so firmly seated in the head that they make both women and men feel ashamed for being “fake”, despite the fact that within a union the “wrong” distribution of roles may well suit both partners . One of the most famous works on how habitual attitudes harm women is “The myth of beauty. Stereotypes against women" Naomi Wolf: .

The so-called Vedic system of distribution of roles in the family is now experiencing a surge of interest from many women. They flock to seminars where they are told about the benefits of wearing long skirts and how it will supposedly help them move their spouse up the ladder of success. He talks about why Vedic psychology doesn’t work. Stella Chirkova: .

Many women do not fit into the usual gender stereotypes at all: they head a successful business, drive a car confidently, play chess well, do not like lace, ruffles and do not cross-stitch. From the point of view of socionics, this phenomenon explains Nadezhda Dubonosova: .

This article is about the roles women take in relationships. The word “role” here does not mean pretense or a far-fetched image, but those functions and ways of interacting with a man in a relationship that we choose for ourselves - consciously or not. I am not close to the categorical definition of a woman’s role in a relationship, which is mainly found in materials on this topic - it is assumed that she is either a “wife”, or a “mother”, or a “lover” - such definitions are too one-sided and do not reveal the essence of a real woman - its endless versatility. A woman very rarely plays just one role in a relationship. But, let's take it in order and structured.

– Woman-daughter
Here you can expect examples of relationships between a young girl and a caring “daddy” who is much older than her, but a woman can be a “daughter” in a relationship with a peer if he is ready to take on the role of “father.” We all want care, but for a woman who is a daughter, this is a basic and greatly exaggerated need. It is very easy to recognize her: she pouts her lips, speaks in a sweet voice, does not let go of her man’s hand and never does anything without him. A man-father puts on her shoes, walks her to the toilet and back, does all the scary and unpleasant things for her - difficult conversations, making decisions, organizing her life, protecting her from the outside world. Psychologists say the following: in such relationships, everyone plays the role that is most comfortable for him – a man guides, teaches and protects a woman, she fulfills and deifies. A woman-daughter in such a model of relationship has every chance to grow up and become a mature woman who has adopted the wisdom and experience of a man-father. But for a man, the prognosis is not so favorable: having matured, yesterday’s “daughter” will outgrow her “father’s house” and want to leave it, as happens in the natural course of life.

– Woman-mother
The maternal instinct inherent in a woman should ideally extend to her children, but in reality it often finds a place in the relationship between a man and a woman. A woman-mother strives to care for and patronize, guide and teach her partner - as a rule, an infantile and dependent person. Although, for complete clarity, it is worth saying that a woman-mother can turn a man into a “son”, even if initially he was not inclined to this role: at first he does not resist because he wants to make the woman happy - if she enjoys overprotection and care, so be it. Well, then the man gets involved and gives his beloved what she needs - he shows dependence and helplessness. Often in such relationships, a woman supports a man, and her “son” does not grow up, even when real children appear. To some, often a small extent, the role of the mother is manifested in all relationships, and for their harmonious development this is not an obstacle, but as soon as a strong imbalance arises, and the most responsible role - parent, support, educator - passes to the woman, go back is no longer possible (within the framework of these relationships).

– Woman-woman
This is the third psychotype, which occurs both in its pure form and as one of the facets of character. It has two subspecies, the first of which is an active woman. Such a woman is not inclined to either a child or a parental role; her greatest passion and need is the fight with a man, the desire for primacy, leadership, and constant competition. For her, everything is a struggle, everything happens through overcoming obstacles: conquest, suppression, retention of a man. At the same time, there is a paradox - she is immediately uninterested in becoming with a defeated man, but she will never recognize him as a winner. With an active man-man, she is doomed to an eternal struggle, which can exhaust both, but even in old age they will continue to compete.

– Passive woman-woman
She is prone to total submission, deification of her partner, almost religious veneration of him simply because he is a man.

The described psychotypes, as already mentioned, are found in each of us with varying degrees of predominance. For example, one or two are leading, the rest are complementary. It also happens that some role sleeps in us until the corresponding man meets, thanks to whom she will wake up and take over the rest. It seems to me that the maximum benefit that can be derived from this information is a better understanding of ourselves and why we want to obey one man, and compete with another, take care of a third, and pray for a fourth. (With)

Let's talk about the role of women in the family and in society. There have been different periods and different roles of women in history, there was matriarchy, patriarchy, and equality, but for some reason we always measure a woman from a man. Why is this happening?

What is the difference between a man and a woman?

From a psychological point of view, we have one task - to think how an individual can be happy. If we look at it this way, the concept of a woman “BEHIND her husband” comes. For example, if a woman has succeeded on her own, and her husband is somewhere in the background, then it is difficult to call this woman’s position happiness.

Isn't this a stereotype? Of course, he also has a role. But the only measure is a person’s happiness. For example, a man is lying at home with a bottle of beer on the couch. Is he happy? To some extent. But he doesn’t get to the point of going and actively expressing himself in this world. So is the woman.

The difference between male and female psychology is obvious. First of all, this is a difference in priorities. If we take this world and conditionally divide it into 2 parts, that is, the inner circle, which is the family, and the outer circle, which is our realization. And this is where paradoxical mathematics begins - changing the places of the terms changes the sum very much.

If I, as a man, take my family as a priority, and then, as it happens, someday, in a secondary way, I will realize myself in the outside world, then I will be very much lacking in terms of happiness. The same is true for women. If a woman takes external activities as a priority, and the family remains in the background, then the woman will lack happiness. The man in the family is realized in the outer circle, outside, and the woman creates a space, a home in which the man feels respect, where he is restored.

Nowadays women fight very hard for their happiness. We see Western feminism, which even has some extremes. For example, linguistic gender leveling, when in some languages ​​there is no division by gender. So should women fight for their rights? After all, no one is fighting for the right to breathe, for those rights that are obvious. Isn't this a sign of weakness?

What is the role of a woman in a relationship?

To be happy, a woman must first love herself, become happy, and then a certain space with a happy man and children will form around her, and everything will be harmonious.

Let’s imagine this metaphor: we invite a person home, open the doors, push him inside, and there are mountains of garbage, the windows are so dirty that they don’t allow light in, and we tell the person: “You like me, come on, put things in order here.” . This is absurd! We clean up our own home and invite guests to a clean home. But for some reason, we often invite a partner into our lives with this idea: “My life is a mess, but you’re a man (or you’re a housewife, a woman), so you sort it out.”

But men cannot perform some functions as well as women, and vice versa. A man, for example, cannot create a truly cozy home. I have rich friends who are confirmed bachelors. Their houses are extremely expensive, elaborate, but not cozy. It is impossible to recover there. Because there is no woman there. A woman creates space. She can create a space in which a man wants to be and not leave, or a man will constantly look for reasons not to be there.

If you have to prove your worth, then there is no value. If a person in a relationship has to prove that he did something (for example, he fixed something or cooked borscht and ironed all the things), if the question of gratitude arises, then it means there is nothing to thank for. Many women choose the role of governess. A man who earns a lot can buy such a lady. She asks for love, honor, and benefits for her homework. For some reason the man doesn’t want to. Because it's not valuable. Just like some men say that women only want money from them. But money is not a man’s value.

As a result, I can say that the role of a woman is to be a wise housewife in her family.

Guys, we put our soul into the site. Thank you for that
that you are discovering this beauty. Thanks for the inspiration and goosebumps.
Join us on Facebook And In contact with

Due to her nature, a woman often and often unconsciously plays different roles in front of her man. One is a “girl” for her beloved, the other is a “mommy”, and the third is a “vest” into which a man “merges” all his failures and complaints. Some of these roles can destroy relationships. Therefore, it is important to realize what role you play in a relationship, understand its disadvantages and not overplay it.

website looked at 6 roles that women play in relationships that can ultimately lead to a breakup with a loved one or to the destruction of self-esteem and loss of self.

1. Gray mouse

Sometimes women talk about themselves in a derogatory tone, scold themselves for the slightest mistakes and show others dissatisfaction with themselves. Or they devalue the compliments a man gives them and their own achievements.

Do not do this. A man who admires you should not talk about his real or apparent shortcomings. Why focus your attention on shortcomings that may have been invented by you? A man may believe that you are not good enough. Learn to accept compliments with dignity and do not belittle your merits.

2. Mother

“You need to have lunch”, “Don’t stay up late, otherwise you won’t get enough sleep”, “You should dress warmer / take some medicine”, “Be careful not to overheat” - these and similar phrases indicate that a woman is overly protective of a man and turns into a... him into an annoying mommy.

Firstly, it irritates a psychologically mature partner. And secondly, passion in relationships kills, because what kind of pervert would experience carnal attraction to his mother?

3. Little girl

A woman demonstrates this style of behavior if she speaks to a man in a childish voice, behaves childishly naively, feigns resentment while experiencing anger and anger, and gets into ridiculous situations in order to allow the man to “save” herself.

The result of this behavior will be similar to that described above. A man will sooner or later begin to experience irritation due to infantile behavior. And passion will gradually leave the relationship - the man, willingly or unwillingly, will have to take on the role of a father, and sleeping with his daughter is, excuse me, incest.

4. Savior

It is futile to spend precious time of your life saving a loser man from a broken heart, a bottle of alcohol, failures at work, etc. This is not about love, this is the shortest path to codependency. When, for example, a man is dependent on alcohol, and you are emotionally dependent on a man.

For such rescue missions, there are narcologists, psychotherapists, his own motivation and magic kicks, which can be your departure. And do not delude yourself - the prognosis for the development of such relationships is unfavorable, and a “cure” is impossible. Because both partners benefit from their position: “the one in need of rescue” receives attention and care, and the “rescuer” feels that he is needed by someone.

5. Victim

This role is that the fair sex allows them to humiliate their dignity, communicate with themselves rudely and tactlessly, or even raise their hand against themselves.

This behavior of a man may indicate that he is not confident in himself and is trying to increase his self-esteem at your expense. And, instilling in you a feeling of inferiority, tie you to yourself. If you directly and unequivocally said that you cannot be treated this way, but nothing has changed, then, apparently, this is simply not your person and it’s time to think about ending the relationship.

Often in my psychological consultations, I hear questions related to a misunderstanding of the role and how to use it in family life.

By role I mean already established concepts - parent, adult, child.

In family relationship problems, similar questions look something like this:

My husband constantly ignores his responsibilities around the house. I take care of the child, cook food, clean, and all he does is play computer games. We have been married for 1.5 years, before that we lived together for 1 year. At first he looked after me, gave me flowers, took care of me, but four months after the wedding he stopped fulfilling his responsibilities around the house, completely putting them on me. Help, what to do in this situation?

Of course, this is a classic version where there is no adult relationship in the situation. There is a relationship between a child (man) and mother (woman).

In this article, I do not intend to describe the reasons for the emergence of such “parental” relationships. The purpose of the article itself is to prevent such relationships.

read also:

End contact Using the example of a drop that falls into a puddle, I explain one of the possible reasons why a new relationship does not begin.

Love and disappointment within the framework of analytical therapy Adolescence is the most difficult and difficult period in life, but on the other hand, the most productive and provides an incredible number of opportunities. Incredible changes occur in the consciousness of a growing teenager. In addition to the rest

First of all, I would like to clarify that responsibility in such discords lies with both partners.

Very often, at the moment a man wins a woman’s affection, it is the woman who adopts an infantile mode of behavior, forcing the man to take care of himself and protect her in every possible way, give gifts, make decisions about where to go in the evening, etc. At the same time, considering that the manifestation of initiative should come from the man himself.

I’m not saying that the “bouquet and candy” period should be thrown aside and everything should be taken into your own hands. This is the other side of the same coin. Just try to approach him with the understanding that you are equal.

Don’t let your partner make decisions for you, but when making them, do it openly and thoughtfully, showing that you are already an accomplished person. Even in this wonderful period, do not hide your “adult in the child”, give the opportunity to prove yourself as a completely independent person.

How does this manifest itself in practice?

When visiting any establishment together, at least sometimes pay your bills. Do this with the dignity and respect of your companion.

When planning a joint evening, sometimes take the initiative into your own hands, offering an option that your companion might like, showing respect for his personality.

Do not accept expensive gifts, and give gifts of equal value in return.

Appreciate his actions for your sake and do the same for him.

Later, when everything went well, the woman and the man, believing that the goal has been achieved, change their roles. I think it is during this period that such a psychological mechanism as compensation comes into play. This means that a man, having previously given himself, now wants to be given to him, and a woman, having received, wants to give.

It is precisely this position that will not allow a man to prove himself either as a parent or as a child, because it requires an adult-to-adult approach.

This assumption is based on the fact that every person has a need to both love and be loved.

The purpose of these simple tips is for you to initially make the young man understand your position as an adult, independent person. In this case, compensation will not create much change.

Of course, in the relationship between a man and a woman, the line between roles should be blurred because... It is impossible to use only one role throughout life, and their choice must be adequate to the situation.

When you can understand exactly what role you are currently playing, it will be much easier to use them in their own time and place, and your relationships will be more harmonious.